The closed stacks of the John Carter Brown library. Good times. Or maybe a desecration of all that is sacred. It's hard to remember.
The fieldhouse at the Appalachian State football stadium (first time!), in the stacks at Duke Library, behind a church off I-64 in West Virginia. Reasonably certain that last one was where my oldest kid was conceived.
This promises to be the sort of thread that makes my life feel rather dull indeed.
3: I thought we were just supposed to share one. Show-off. And did you name the kid Jesus?
behind a church off I-64 in West Virginia
Oddly enough, I can claim that one, too. What are the chances?
For the record, it was NOT with apo.
If you broaden the definition of sex a bit, then the floor of the U.S. House of Representatives.
If you broaden the definition of sex a bit, then the floor of the U.S. House of Representatives
Getting a handjob from Rep. Foley doesn't count.
If so broadened, then I-90 in southern Minnesota, doing about 70.
8: I think most members of the House would have considerable problems with how broadly I already define sex. But suit yourself. Especially if you supply details.
Again with the broad definition, I can lay claim to several regions in Central Park from my checkered high school career.
a few highlights:
courthouse washroom
... several other washrooms
middle school dance (not mine), in the gym during the dance.
parade float (not in the parade, waiting for it)
churches
cemetaries
back of a car with one of our parents driving (oral)
inside sailboat being raffled in a mall.
on a apartment balcony (4th floor, midday)
bus stop
train stop
train
back of a police car, in cuffs
airplane washroom (had to try, it gets talked about)
in a street, standing
there are probably others I'm forgetting.
I've included two where I was present but not actively engaged, as it were.
And did you name the kid Jesus?
No, though he is a weirdly well-behaved kid who never has to be disciplined or reprimanded for anything. Hmm.
um, all of above are narrowly defined.
The aforementioned churchyard
Pitchers mound of a ballpark
The roof of an Ivy League dormitory
Hayloft
Bed of a pickup truck
Cemetary
Park bench
Tanning booth
My (former) boss's desk
middle school dance (not mine)
Like 'em young, eh?
Mongolia. (Unusual for non-Mongols, that is.)
Also, just off an Alpine path.
15: "he is a weirdly well-behaved kid"
Yes, but has he ever had a goat in his butt?
back of a police car, in cuffs
Wow, JFK. I genuflect before you.
My (former) boss's desk
Former? Was your performance review that bad?
Wait, people are emailing suggestions for posts now? Whatever happened to good old-fashioned threadjacks?
17: Congratulations, KR, a tanning booth is the first one to make me think: "that's icky." I suspect that more are on the way.
hmm. also, not sure why i decided this needed presidential.
I can add:
My office, their office, bosses office, CEO's office, conference rooms
Golden Gate Bridge (forgot that one)
parks count? erm, several.
in a kayak (have to be very careful not to tip)
in a canoe (much easier)
in the not-such a great idea department:
car & motorcycle while driving (obvious logistical constraints)
roofs, but particularly with taller buildings surrounding.
parking garage.
tent. in a department store display (handjob)
In 18 of the European Union's 27 countries. Collecting them all is tricky, given the pace of expansion.
18: she was older than I was.
Under the expanded definition I could add...
Interstate 80 near Iowa City
Lavatory of a train in Italy
Train compartment in Russia
In "David's Pool" in an Israeli national park
Crew parking building at Lufthansa
Elevator in an apartment building
not sure why i decided this needed presidential.
There's no need to second-guess that decision.
In a kayak? Really?
Paris, France (first time! and a few more)
Widener, stacks of
a classroom in a building next to the Div School
Sinaia, Transylvania
some beach on Cape Cod
the Army-Navy Club, Washington, D.C.
my boss's office (not with my boss)
my office (not with my boss)
21: The cop was some pissed when he got back, too.
parking garage
Damn. Pwned. Though it doesn't count unless it was a busy one.
Sinaia, Transylvania
Oh, people have sex there every day.
I predict little overlap between those posting anecdotes in this thread and those who posted them in the "crippling anxiety about attempting to kiss" thread.
31: well, more `on a kayak', (a double) than `in', and oral. But, yeah.
Oh: once in every building at a university (we were collecting)
Just off the hiking path in the Watkins Glen gorge.
31: The kayak is the one that surprises you? I have to say that I can't even fathom having sex on a moving motorcycle. Just ponder the physics.
37: Oh, I don't know. It's not like I have sex in Transylvania every day.
Widener, stacks of
The Dread Ex suggested this on the day she was leaving Cambridge, and fool that I was, I declined because I was tired and wanted to sleep late. Arrrrrgh!
34: it was busy. we caused a minor accided (feel bad about that, actually)
I was about to have sex at the law school library once, but all the fucking windowless study rooms were taken. Foiled.
A friend of mine dislocated his hip when the saddle he and his girlfriend were having sex in fell off the bed. Her sorority sisters had to help carry him to the car for the ride to the hospital.
Poor guy.
30,000 feet over Germany
The Indian Ocean
Banff, Jasper, various campsites therein.
46: "Beavis's dad was in the Navy. He was a seaman."
The cop was some pissed when he got back, too.
Two stories from where I grew up. I can assure you that neither one is an urban legend, although they sure have the sound of one:
High school girl is having an affair with the deputy sheriff. They're getting it on in the police cruiser, and they accidentally bump against the radio mike so that the police dispatcher can hear everything.
Another girl is having an affair with the ambulance driver. He parks the ambulance in a remote spot, and they get it on in the back. He accidentally turns on the flashing light, attracting the attention of the minister who lives nearby, who comes to investigate and finds them in flagrante.
46: Hmmmm there's a new one to try.
40: handjobs are easy there, of course, but if the girl is smallish she can slide round front and you can still see and steer just fine. I don't actually recommend it, but we were dared. Got some very strange looks.
all the fucking windowless study rooms
Well, you're not allowed to get it on in the non-fucking windowless study rooms, so I can see the problem.
This John F. Kennedy person is banned, whoever he is. He can find a less neurotic blog.
54: dunno, Ned. An obsession with sexing it up in crazy places could definitely qualify as a neurosis.
11: then I-90 in southern Minnesota, doing about 70.
That's a pretty large vehicle to fit 70 other people in it.
54: Admittedly, my life is very dull indeed, but I'm having a hard time not suspecting that JFK is putting us on.
That's a pretty large vehicle to fit 70 other people in it.
Get on the bus, ma'am.
Perhaps JFK could just tell us about the places he hasn't (yet) had sex.
In a nudist camp hot tub.
Not that impressive, but it's all I got.
Basement of Wilson Library, UNC campus
Basement of Phillips Hall, UNC campus (I'm sensing a trend)
Little Rock, AR
Fort Bragg army base (outskirts, outside)
in a truck on a soccer field next to an elementary school (at night!! nobody there!)
The sad thing is now that I go over these in my head I have to remember partners and what happened and it seems that I have led a locationally-vanilla existence. Sigh.
In a seminary (not with Adam). In a moving car on I-90, I-80, and a couple of other interstates I don't remember (not with anyone here). Other than that, the normal shit: on my parents' living room floor while they were at work, in my boyfriend's room while his mom was downstairs, in parking lots, that kind of shit.
Little Rock, AR
Well in that case, Wilkes-Barre, PA. Nobody else here can say that, now, can they?
Oh yes, I almost forgot about the time at the Heidelberger Thingstätte, where everything seemed nice and private, until out of nowwhere a helicopter flew overhead.
With the same girl there was also an incident in a Jagdsitz
I have to save mine, so I can play Two Truths and a Lie with y'all later.
Narrowly defined: the Atlantic ocean, not far from the public beach. Unsurprisingly, it really is the motion. More broadly defined: a dressing room at a thrift store named "Granny's Goodies" (And no, it wasn't with Granny.)
I once got as far as second base beside a river in New England, but we had to cut that session short because we were on a camping trip with a mutual work superior and his kids and a bunch of other people.
Nothing adventurous at all really:
on my ex g/friends bed [the kicker, three of her friends were spectating]
on a footpath/road [it was quite quiet but people were walking past]
in bushes behind local social club/community centre [with someone I'd only met 10 minutes before]
on an underground train platform
in the hall of a shared flat [people were stepping over us to get into the kitchen]
in a cave
Wilkes-Barre, PA. Nobody else here can say that, now, can they?
No, but I've got Scranton and Pocono covered.
64: You got your Thing sated in Heidelberg?
I never had sex in a university building, but my friends and I did build a bonfire on top of the student center once.
Back of a bus full of boy scouts (under expanded definitions.)
Town park, mid-afternoon, behind a platform tennis court (also expanded definition)
A couple hostels- Switzerland, Paris- not private rooms.
Island on Lake George
Back of a bus full of boy scouts (under expanded definitions.)
Circle jerks don't count.
Outside, not very far away from a wedding. Also, the driver's blowjob, but that's about it. Ah well.
JFK, unmask!
I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom.
79- The post requested unusual places only.
in a boat
with a goat
in the rain
in the dark
on a train
in a car
in a tree
in a box
with a fox
in a house
with a mouse
here or there
anywhere
79: Why do you think they have to import people from the entire continental US?
I'm just disappointed that nobody had the courage to confess to "DC Unfogged - Flophouse Bathroom" or "Beck's bed while she was out."
84: No one had sex at DCUnfogged. We're all just making shit up.
On a DC city bus. In the afternoon. I fooled everyone by sitting on his lap with my skirt around my waist, I did.
Train and subway platform, but those have both been covered. The craziest was a cinema showing a Harry Potter film on opening night.
Beck's bed while she was out
s/b Becks' bed while she was out cold.
No one had sex at DCUnfogged. We're all just making shit up.
You had me totally fooled. Now, I do not feel so nervous about having to put out if I come to DC Unfogged.
an alley in Nashua, New Hampshire
wrestling-mat storage loft in a high school
large rock in center of Souheagan river
church cafeteria in Rutland, VT
drive-in movie theater (cliche, but nobody else has claimed it, so it must be unusual)
Interstate 495
Actually, I was lying. We all had sex with each other.
Narrowly defined:
On the lawn of the Boston Museum of Fine Arts at 3am
In a closet during a good-bye party w/ the guest of honour
On a professor's desk, not one of my profs
Ditto, but one of my profs
In the storeroom of a head shop
In a stairwell at the Sheraton Boston
On a theatre set as it was being struck
On the grounds of the Newport RI Navy base, finishing only moments before the Shore Patrol showed up
On a professor's desk, not one of my profs
Ditto, but one of my profs
You took classes from SEK?
These days, after all that misuse, the words "narrowly defined" and "Fontana Labs" don't go together anymore.
I would never do it in any of these public locations. A deserted parking lot 200 feet from an abandoned factory in the middle of the night was nerve-wracking enough.
re: 95
I'd have said the same. I'm not attracted to risk, and I'm fairly private and not-exhibitionist. I don't even like leaving the curtains open.
But somehow, these things end up happening [especially if alcohol and/or quasi-exhibitionist girlfriends are involved].
I'm actually not putting you on.
For the record, the two I wasn't so directly involved in are the sailboat (i was lookout) and the police car (i was in a second car). The former wasn't as risky as it sounds, we were friends with the guy doing mall security.
Much of the above list stems from one particular girl though, who was kind of exhibitionist, but more about pushing boundaries. We ended up in a weird `top that' dynamic for a while. Some of it was a lot of fun, but also we were both very young and generally had a screw the world attitude.
As for the bikes: not unusual amongst bikers, and I was amongst bikers.
The Smy/th Class/ical library at Har/vard is inside Wide/ner. Most departmental libraries are outside of Widener and are staffed by librarians. Classics is much more low-key. and you just get a key to the library if you're a concentrator or taking a sufficiently advanced course. You'd need it, because that's where they leave course reserve items. Just before Widener was to close, somebody would come in to warn you to leave the library, but there was a small set of stacks in the back and a couple of computers in another back room which required a separate key. There was no window there, so nobody would notice if the lights were on.
I never did this, but I figured that you could go in the back stacks and nobody would know. Then you could either do something there or go out into the main library. The main library room was quite comfortable. There were oriental rugs and nice leather chairs. I don't remember whether there was a couch.
Okay, I went a little crazy on the google proofing in 98.
Reasonably certain that last one was where my oldest kid was conceived.
Ha, my youngest was conceived in a graveyard in Vermont. And my wife has told all her friends, so there's way too much nudge nudge wink wink about it...
In the middle of four giant, turning screws is the only really notable one that comes immediately to mind for me. I'm assuming that, along with anything else at Burning Man, doesn't really count.
Plenty of vaguely icky living-rooms-of-friends and interstates and whathaveyou, but those are sort of boring by this point in the thread.
96: But somehow, these things end up happening
Dear unfogged,
I never though this would happen to me, but...
I worked in the W/dener stacks for a while, and I can testify that the physical evidence (mainly in the form of condoms or, more commonly and less ickily, condom wrappers) suggests that quite a few people get busy there.
I enjoyed the thread about bizarre emotional entanglements better. Bizarre locational entanglements don't have the same appeal.
Really, they're just making me feel unadventurous. Central Park was because I was a teenager and didn't have anyplace else to go, but there's a whole lot to be said for privacy and a comfortable bed.
Getting chased off the beach in flagrante by the cops was called "the weekend" where I grew up.
BG: Are you a classicist?
What I find is interesting is the etiquette surrounding other people's public or semi-public sex, especially in an environment where true privacy really isn't possible. Obviously you don't stare, but do you pretend not to notice? Do you look on with cheerful tolerance? Mild opprobium? Do you seek out something, anything else to stare at?
re: 102
A moderate level of exhibitionism seems a fairly common 'thing' among youngish women. Or at least that was my experience. And it's hard not to go along with it without coming over as a boring prude. Plus, alcohol.
LB is right, there's a lot to be said for privacy and comfort.
- In a teacher's office, with the teacher (art school)
- On a beach that we thought was remote, but were interrupted mid-coitus by about a hundred boy scouts on a hike.
- Next day on a different beach, were interrupted by some dog walkers.
- Same day, same beach. Success, but were hit by an enormous wave on climax.
LB, I'm sure that outside of a genuine desire for risk or whatever, a lot of this sort of thing comes up just because you are too young to have a private place of your own reliably. So it probably correlates highly with sexual activity at a young age.
- On a beach that we thought was remote, but were interrupted mid-coitus by about a hundred boy scouts on a hike.
You needn't have worried, they had probably all been blowing each other on the way there (see 75).
One summer, I stayed at the NYU Law School Dorms. On one floor (14th?), there is a laundry room with glass windows right next a large common balcony. I walked out one night to find a couple getting it on. The odd part was that they were totally naked. No discrete parting of the clothes. Every bit of clothing was off.
BG: Are you a classicist?
oudemia, I wouldn't put it quite that way. My undergraduate degree is in Classics, but I haven't done any serious reading since then. I'd need to do a fairly thorough grammar review to feel comfortable reading again. Even then, I think that it would be more fun if I could get a couple of people to form a reading group.
Ooh, firestairs (indoor, not a fire escape) of a brownstone in Brooklyn.
a lot of this sort of thing comes up just because you are too young to have a private place of your own reliably
Or, you need to get away from your darn nosy kids.
What I find is interesting is the etiquette surrounding other people's public or semi-public sex, especially in an environment where true privacy really isn't possible. Obviously you don't stare, but do you pretend not to notice? Do you look on with cheerful tolerance? Mild opprobium? Do you seek out something, anything else to stare at?
I encountered this once. I got really annoyed that these people were making others uncomfortable in a supposedly public place by their selfish behavior, but didn't feel strong enough in my moral superiority to make them know that they were not alone.
In a London hostel room having 5 or 6 other people in it.
In highschool, people used to make out in the piano practice rooms. This always annoyed me, because I'd schedule time to practice the piano and couldn't. It seemed to me that the people who went into the attic of the theater were a lot more considerate.
Oops, forgot, in the cardiac care ward of a hospital. That one was fun.
I got really annoyed that these people were making others uncomfortable in a supposedly public place by their selfish behavior
Right, I mean, the least they could've done is extend an invitation to join them.
116: You can always quickly make up a few placards reading `2.5' '3.0' , '2.7' to wave at them when they're done.
Oops, forgot, in the cardiac care ward of a hospital. That one was fun.
Ah, the old "reverse Nelson Rockefeller" gambit.
My high school had five stairwells. Four in heavy use by pedestrians, and one by the art rooms where you really wanted to make noise walking so as to give couples time to flee or arrange themselves.
re: 121
I was once making out with a girl in a darkened nightclub. Nothing particularly unseemly or exhibitionist. No inappropriate touching. But, when we stopped, the people at the next table clapped.
That was a 'I hope the floor opens up and swallows me' moment as we (the girl and I) had only just met and it was all a bit awkward.
where my [...] kid was conceived
Unless you were turkey-bastering it or that was the only time you had sex that month, how would you know?
122: I can never go to MOMA without thinking of that.
Once while sharing a room with the woman's sister. It was the first time the woman and I had ever hooked up.
I'm getting the sense that the ladies like nattarG.
Unless you were turkey-bastering it
"Yeah, funny story, our first kid was conceived in a graveyard. No, we didn't have sex there."
125: A woman I know told me that her son was concieved on a certain day. I asked her how the hell she could be so sure. She just kind of gave me a look, then told me that was the only sex they had in 2 1/2 years --- which shut me up.
You ought to cheer them on, if you want to make them uncomfortable (or, I guess, for the special few, more comfortable).
"Two! Four! Six! Eight! You can really copulate!"
"Eight! Four! Six! Two! We enjoyed watching you!"
I got really annoyed that these people were Larry Craig was making others uncomfortable in a supposedly public place by their selfish his non-gay behavior
130: I wish. I'd be hooked up.
OT: Does anyone teach Greek tragedy in translation? I love the Chicago translations, but students are finding them hoary these days, and I hate most of the modern translations because they are "chatty."
On the train "The Northerner" in New Zealand; in the observation car.
in the observation car.
exhibitionist.
132: Or just point out that the video you've been taking with your phone will be on the internet by the time they get home, if they are interested.
`2.5' '3.0' , '2.7' to wave at them when they're done.
I formally file a protest.
124: A friend of mine likes to tell the story about the first time she had sex with the guy she would go on to date for several years during college. Halfway through, they realized that their blinds were open, and that there was half a roof-full of fellow students exhorting them on from the top of the dorm next door. The two of them really put on quite a performance before they realized what was happening, too, the way she tells it, with all of the self-conscious, overt theatricality of a passionate but naive first-time sexual experience. She was mortified at the time, but can certainly laugh about it now.
Insofar as "location" can be said to encompass one's station, does having sex with a princess count?
Obviously you don't stare, but do you pretend not to notice? Do you look on with cheerful tolerance? Mild opprobium? Do you seek out something, anything else to stare at?
You look surprised, say "oh! sorry!" and go somewhere else.
Or you can choose the disapproving, how-dare-they-make-other-people-uncomfortable route, if you wanna be a snoot about it.
sex that month
Hmmm, you might want to learn more about the fertility cycle in women before you proceed.
That said, it was rather squeezed in, in a crazy week or two surrounding my father's death, where that was the only likely culprit.
141: As long as she didn't turn into a pumpkin later!
A gentleman never tells, but she was the genuine article, at least as my occasional reading of W and such indicates.
Between JFK and William Howard Taft we have some pretty experienced presidents here.
Please don't tell me you are the same person
They say that cat Taft is a bad mother...
In the middle of the afternoon, in a cemetery. When we were finished we realized that there was a whole funeral standing outside, waiting for us to be done.
The thing is, cemeteries are such pretty places. Lots of trees and flowers. People should have sex there.
When we were finished we realized that there was a whole funeral standing outside, waiting for us to be done.
Oh dear.
PK was conceived in my in-laws' bed.
On the couch in a boyfriend's apartment. Halfway through, we noticed that there were people watching us from their fire escape through a window what we didn't know was a possible place to be observed from. We figured what the hell and went on with what we were doing, they had to put some effort into watching us, so it wasn't as if we were inflicting a distasteful spectacle on them. Occupied in other matters, we kind of forgot about them, until one said loudly enough to be heard from the next building "Guys! Look! He's still doing it!"
The boyfriend was preening over that for a surprisingly long time.
150 gets it right.
You're lucky they didn't sue you.
97:
"Not so directly involved in...I was in the second car"
I'm sorry, if you were in a whole nother car, you don't count as having sex, no matter how broad the definition.
I believe that I've said here that in grad school my study carrel smelled of Vaseline. This irritated me, as it detracted from my dissertation-writing experience.
Teo: Not big enough to hide in.
156: Well, Labs, you shouldn't have used so much then.
156: A likely story, given that Vaseline has no odor. What are you hiding from us?
In the middle of the afternoon, in a cemetery. When we were finished we realized that there was a whole funeral standing outside, waiting for us to be done.
Canada, right?
156: Look, you can use your carrel for studying or for butt sex, but not both.
155: That's why I told you up front. Those two were great locations, so I had to tell you about them. And I was there, so I know it happened. For what its worth, I have had sex in a police cruiser, but it was with a cop, so not so interesting.
147: No. I'd assume Taft has to have some intersting locations, though. Would it be worse or better if we were the same person?
there was a whole funeral standing outside, waiting for us to be done.
On board with the cemetery sex, but this part is weak. It's not like a band of people just show up without others preparing the site and such.
As long as she didn't turn into a pumpkin later!
Or worse, during.
JFK has kind of made this a pointless exercise, but there was once in a booth at a restaurant where I worked (after my shift, on a busy evening) and once at the bookstore where I'd worked previously (we'd closed, but we were still on the clock, so, you know, we were sticking it to the man).
Friends of mine have a game called the sextoral college. For every state you have had sex in you get the electoral college votes for that state. You win when you're elected president. I'm at 159.
JFK has kind of made this a pointless exercise
Oh, sorry.
Not my intent. Really. I haven't talked about any of this for literally years. It was kind of fun to make a list.
Totally banal, given the previous content, but I've always been a fan of the "every room in the house" game. Especially when you date someone who lives in a co-op. We did not, unfortunately, win with that one.
168: That's okay, JFK, I meant it in admiration.
Or worse, during.
Let's not be too hasty...
169: there is a variant, popular during college years, knowns as `every person in the house'.
Just kidding. She's totally not a pumpkin.
Or worse, during.
At which point you would be known as "Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater"
This thread is the sort of thing I'm talking about, guys.
167- No credit for international? Isolationist.
165: Alls I know is that there were a bunch of well dressed people waiting by the gate when we left who weren't there when we came in. We just hid our faces and scurried away.
Reading JFK's list, I kept wanting to combine it with a Seussian rhythm, kind of like a sex version of Green Eggs and Ham.
Then I got to post 81 and somebody already did that. Oh well.
Recess yard of a parochial elementary school, how about that. But it was night, I hasten to add.
172: When you live in a co-op, that is a truly unpleasant thought. Though the communal shower phenomenon makes it a lot simpler, I suppose.
I've never had sex in an interesting location. That I recall, and it seems likely I'd recall.
Does self-abuse count?
183: I had a friend who told me one of the great things about being a girl was that when you got stuck in freeway traffic (bay area commute, so pretty much every day) you could always get yourself off to pass the time and people hardly ever (her words) noticed.
167: 294, go me! And look, I'm bipartisan - NY, CA and TX.
182: There was a guy in my co-op who made the old college try for that one. Even though I wasn't getting any otherwise at the time, I was pleased to be a non-participant. I think he qualifies as the only person I've ever actively enjoyed rebuffing.
If I'd known about the sextoral college, I'd have made some attempt to hook up in New York and Texas.
187: so which one is he in that photo you posted?
Heh. Bearded guy, standing not too far from me, if I recall correctly.
The sextoral college is quite biased against those of us who live in places like Minot, N.D.
188: That game really should be played for a point a state. The rules based on electoral votes make the easier states even easier.
192: Not a camper myself, but under either system you could nail down all four corners rather quickly. Depending on weather and physiology, of course.
The variant that I like is "Better biblically know a district." In this variation you do the Maine/Nebraska way of assigning electoral votes. So for each state you get 2 points, but on top of that you get 1 point for each congressional district.
Wow. This thread makes me hate my life.
Simultaneously, even.
(Odd things one notices while listening to local news when out of town. A very large portion of the US describes itself as 'the tri-state area.')
I'm pursuing a modified Southern strategy.
191, 192: Given the probabilities, points should be the inverse of electoral college votes. Having sex in every room of a house in Minot would be like playing the word 'quetzals' into a corner in Scrabble.
places i've had sex:
1) in my dreams
2)
192- Game it. Makes trips to LA and NYC and get a bunch of points for the least amount of effort.
198: Alaska outside of Anchorage is a triple letter score.
197: Good road trip from Michigan down to Florida?
179: 175 is absolutely fucking hilarious if you're familiar with the Musilm Brotherhood.
199: I've had sex in other peoples dreams
134.2: I used to (it's been ~8 yrs), and had the same experience. Have you considered the stuff Hackett's been putting out the last several years (or are these the "chatty" ones)? I'm not a big fan (maybe for idiosyncratic reasons), but people seem to agree they're "good for teaching".
206--
when i read 175, i figured it *was* you, ogged.
(qutb not being in a position to post any longer).
197- All points from Democrats? You're very politically selective in your partners.
I post in the spirit of Qutb, but not with his name. 175 was very funny.
I post in the spirit of Qutb
Oh great. Now Mukasey will be all over all of us.
(after some reading) 208/211: sounds like the sort of guy whose disapproval is desireable.
A couple I know tried to commit sodomy* in every state before their 10th anniversary. They almost made it, but were a little late on Alaska. Camping, road trips, and train trips were all involved.
I used to live with them, and we had a U.S. map on the wall to which pink triangles were added state by state. I don't remember exactly what we told our parents it was for when they came to visit.
*I.e., have hott lesbian sex, however any particular state happened to define "sodomy."
215: that's excellent. I had a friend who put flags in a world map for similar purpose (I think the rule was sex with a local, not just sex in).
205: Hey, thanks. I forgot about those! I loved the edition of the Bacchae with Elvis (a mugshot?) on the cover. They got mocked for that by Entertainment Weekly, who thought Hackett was just slapping a completely unrelated picture on the cover in a craven attempt to move books. It's actually insanely apt. Their Iliad cover has the DDay invasion on it, I think.
I post in the spirit of Qutb, but not with his name. 175 was very funny.
175 is very funny, now that I understand it. At first, via 206, I thought it might be ogged criticizing this comment thread for having the potential to develop into a genial echo chamber. I've got to stop assuming that everyone around here is infinitely more subtle than I am; it really results in needlessly wacky misinterpretations.
214--
yeah, the spiritual father of bin-ladens side-kick zawahiri.
location of sexual activity? "in paradise".
not to be confused with the muesli brotherhood.
dangerous bunch.
flags
Why not just carve notches in a bedpost or organ?
222: Yup. What's wrong with needlessly wacky misinterpretations? Without those, how can hijinks ever ensue?
Why not just carve notches in ... organ?
Bad for the temperament?
218 sextoral votes for me.
All I have to contribute location-wise is:
a summer camp music room
a tennis court
a field
a car
a hotel hallway
on the floor of someone's finished basement while several other folks watched movies/slept on the other side of the couch
I'm up to 261, with a map that looks all wrong from an electoral strategy perspective: I've got an odd mix of blue states (NY, CA, HI, MA, ME, VT) purple states (NH, VA, CO, IA, NC, AR, WV) and deep red (TX, SC, KS).
Like Al Gore, I would be over 270 except for a disputed account of Florida.
Like Al Gore, I would be over 270 except for a disputed account of Florida.
"Is it in yet?"
"Baby, I'm done."
303. Does that mean I'm president now?
I'm not enough of a fan of public sex to have racked up the kind of location list my predecessor has -- and I've never been tempted to try an airplane bathroom, perhaps the least sexy location imaginable to me -- but my weirdest was probably in a booth at a nightclub (dark enough to thwart casual observers but not prying eyes). Second-weirdest was in a theatre, while watching The Hulk (a movie of which I'm still fond). I did get a blow job in my office once (from my then-girlfriend, not an intern), which was actually pretty great. Parks at various times, okay, but I'm not sure those even count as weird locations. Oh, and bar washrooms a couple of times, the weirdest of which was the ladies' room in a crusty punk bar in what I later discoveered was the only functioning stall (other clientele were not impressed).
I-90 in southern Minnesota, doing about 70.
in the car on the side of I-90 in NY, near Herkimer.
in an RIT classroom.
not to be confused with the muesli brotherhood.
dangerous bunch brunch.
226--
we've heard a lot of variations on...
location: "within earshot of..."
which suggests a follow-on thread:
what are some wacky and annoying locations in which you've been forced to witness other people having sex?
(i'll lead off:
1) in my dreams
2)
what are some wacky and annoying locations in which you've been forced to witness other people having sex?
On TV.
"Is it in yet?"
"Baby, I'm done."
I think I have previously hinted at this as a possible source of the disparity between my own tally of sex partners and the count that they themselves would make.
140 happened to me freshman year of college, maybe 2 weeks after I'd moved into the dorms. For the rest of the year guys in the dorm would give me random high-fives. Which made me blush every time.
What's wrong with needlessly wacky misinterpretations? Without those, how can hijinks ever ensue?
Oh, nothing really. I'm all for teh hijinks, in general. I just didn't want to mistake ogged for enforcing a norm when he was just laughing along with a joke. As a longtime lurker, I'm already a bit paranoid about being confused for a n00b or a troll, what with all the accumulated conventions around here. Just trying to learn how to adjust my behavior with respect to the standards of someone else's blog, that's all.
in which you've been forced to witness other people having sex?
On the west bank of the Willamette River in Portland two Sundays ago, just before noon, within view of a condo complex and a freighter docked by the grain elevators. This was glimpsed from a train window by me but not by my daughters, fortunately, or I'd have had some 'splaining to do. The most brazen display of public sex I've ever witnessed.
What's wrong with needlessly wacky misinterpretations? Without those, how can hijinks ever ensue?
why does this seem like the reverse of the "how can i tell if she really wants me to kiss her?" theme?
the hijinks that ensue from wacky misinterpretations in that case are seldom entertaining ones.
Depends on who's being entertained.
For the rest of the year guys in the dorm would give me random high-fives.
I had a guy walk in on me and my GF in her room (door was unlocked) while we were acrobatically going at it. He promptly slammed the door shut and left. She was mortified. I didn't know who he was.
Some time later I found myself talking to him at a party without knowing who he was. He kept saying "I know you look familiar, where do I know you from?" At one point I said that I was the ex-BF of [redacted], and he immediately got this look on his face that both of us could tell where it was he knew me from.
238--
"On the west bank of the Willamette River"
but i think it's a near certainty they came over from southeast.
I have seen guys exposing themselves a couple of times on the east bank near the Morrison bridge.
241: A gf's roommate apparently walked in on us before I had met her (the roommate). A few days later, we were introduced in a large group of people, and she said `good, now I know what your face looks like too'. This confused the hell out of me because I didn't know she had opened the door on us earlier ... and everyone else (who apparently did know) got a good laugh out of it.
243--
i was thinking kr meant a little north of the ross island bridge.
Hey, now we can tie more threads together!
... I've been at a swimming pool where a couple were not-so-discretely having sex.
ogged...don't think about that too much, ok?
236: my vaguely similar experience (okay, not really similar, but I feel the need to atone for 183) was in the thin-walled dorm room I had for part of college. Apparantly my girlfriend and I didn't realize exactly how thin they were. And she was, um, noisy. Apparantly not only did everyone on the floor hear, but so did most of the entire floors immediately above and below. And this wasn't a one time thing--there were literally months of daily activity before someone tipped me off to the fact that dozens and dozens of people were listening to us every single time we had sex. (Well, listening to her screaming orgasms, mostly.) But it did give me a certain degree of cult-celebrity status. Which, like you, made me blush every time someone mentioned it. But all in all that wasn't a bad reputation to carry around.
156 made me laugh.
One should get more points for swing states.
242: If I had to guess, I'd say Old Town; this was just north of the Steel Bridge, heading toward the train station. The Pearl District is nearby, too, but they didn't have a fancy-schmancy beach umbrella, so I'd rule that out.
248--
yeah, it's always puzzled me that some guys get 'cult-celebrity status' for making the girls scream during sex.
meanwhile, i make them scream just when they look at me, and what do i get for it?
250--
oh, right: you said grain elevators, didn't you.
BTW, if I pull off the DC event I will be in Portland about Dec. 9 -- Dec 23 for a PDX event. Possibly earlier, not later.
DC event wont help anyone with the elecotoral count
For me, in the living room with my first gf. We were on the sofa under a blanket. He was snoozing in a chair.
About 6 months prior, the dad had tried to get his dog to attack my gf's sister's bf when the dad caught them naked in the house.
I was about to say that I dont know how she convinced me to do it, but I have a pretty good idea.
253: Email me when you know. Do you know if KMRIA is playing again?
Portland-area types, consider this your Emerson bat signal.
254: D.C. actually does get 2 electoral votes.
Surely someone has studied which state's residents are least likely to put out.
I should know within the week. The only question is whether I get there earlier.
I'd like a quieter, more relaxed place next time (than Produce Row). There's a place on Broadway toward PSU that has a fantastic assortment of Belgian and other beers. It used to be high-end but it's pretty informal now.
An afternoon thing at my brother's coffee shop (79 SE Stark) would be fun. (We all have to pay, though). It's very kid-friendly and has the best pie in the world.
182: I'd forgotten, but a similar situation: not a co-op but a largish shared house renting 6 rooms to students that I knew during undergrad. At one point it was fully connected, in the sense that everyone in the house (8 people) had slept with everyone else, at some point.
258: yeah, i should have said `much'
We already know who wins the "forced to witness sex" discussion, I think.
I went to a teensy enough college that by the time one got to graduation, practically everyone had slept with everyone else. OK, not really, but those senior Freud seminars sure were interesting.
There's some famous person who says something like "Driving drunk through a small southern town with the county sheriff's daughter sitting naked beside you is not a good idea". Very rough paraphrase, and I can't even remember if it's an actual or a fictional person.
D.C. actually does get 2 electoral votes.
3.
You know, I was trying to remember if you got the shadow senator vote or not. Damn, I guess I really am a Texan now.
There's a place on Broadway toward PSU that has a fantastic assortment of Belgian and other beers.
You mean Higgins? Works for me. The restaurant is still high-end, but the bar is reasonable, and cozy. I'd also be into a lunchtime thing as well, as I've been meaning to take the girls to Bipartisan Cafe.
God damn, I read like 200 comments and still got pwned.
Sextoral Contest Tip of the Week
Unfogged Weekend- Subway Treasure Hunt
DC 3
MD 10
VA 13
OT: It looks like enough Democrats on the Judiciary Committee are going to vote to let Mukase out of Committee. For fuck's sake, why? Only 5 have opposed him so far. Kennedy is one, and Leahy just came out against him too. Feinstein is generally a tool, so I don't have much faith that she'll do the right thing. Still, it is always infuriating and disappointing.
You can get all three in about 45 minutes if you take the green line from National Airport through DC and up to the University of Maryland.
I once got it on with a girlfriend (who was so multi-orgasmic that we referred to sex as "going for toesies" because she ran out of fingers on which to count) in my dorm room. By the open window on a sunny spring day. Facing into the dorm quad. On the ground floor. By the door into my section.
When we finished, we got a Standing O from the crowd outside the window.
Presidents shouldn't be allowed to post in this thread.
Let me see... public parks, several instances. Against the chain link fence of a pedestrian freeway overpass (late at night; I don't believe anyone saw.) In the passenger seat of a Honda del Sol (parked). Given and received road head (not simultaneously). Various instances of sex with an audience.
274, that is actually on-topic for the "Prospective Unjustified True Blief" thread. Also, ugh.
276: But was it a Standing Multiple O?
Nothing exotic at all: beds and floors.
Nothing exotic at all: beds and floors. -- I don't play
OT: My wife is copy editing a manuscript of a book by a professor of management. 33 pages of the text consist of printouts of this guys PowerPoint slides.
Questions for the mineshaft: Are there other disciplines in which you can print your PowerPoint slides and call it a chapter of your book? Which of these are closest to philosophy, and how can I switch to that field? I have a decent presentation on Boethius' Consolations of Philosophy. Where can I publish the PowerPoint slides for that?
BG wanders into this thread and wants to talk about the Senate Judiciary Committee? C'mon, girl, tell us which parts of Nerd U and WASP Central Church you defiled.
Amendment to 283: Nerd U is of course AWB.
282: Wow. That's a really terribly idea. I can see the appeal though; Hell, we mostly still frown on powerpoint slides for talks, even.
Uggh. Marshall says Schumer and Feinstein will both vote Mukasey out of committee. Sorry BG.
282: I have no idea where you can publish them, but if you're serious I'd love to see them. Post!
288 to 286? Or to 282? Or to the thread in general?
I have a decent presentation on Boethius' Consolations of Philosophy.
Rob Helpy Chalk is Ignatius J. O'Reilly?
286 is what I meant, but I suppose it works for the whole thread just fine.
Location, location? Perhaps waterboarding? What do you think?
I don't understand 292 at all. You had sex while waterboarding someone? Or while being waterboarded?
286: I wrote in to Schumer (I'm from NYS) and said, among other things, that I might not give to the DSCC this time around.
292/293:
I thought this thread was about locations, not fetishes.
Under the boardwalk, at the Jersey Shore.
It wouldn't be worth mentioning, though it is kind of a classic, if it weren't for the memorable fact that I could see other couples doing the same thing every ten yards for as far as I could see.
Was it hard not to hum the song?
Hey BrianZ, another neighbor in Chicago, would you be willing to come to a meetup?
For those of us with oddly old-fashioned New England Protestant childhoods, sex in the office is pleasantly like sex in church: all the devil-may-care defiance of authority, none of the pie-baking sweet old ladies to offend.
Hmmm, you might want to learn more about the fertility cycle in women before you proceed.
"Month," of course, being commonly-accepted shorthand for "28- to 35-day cycle." Or is there some other aspect of my own biology you'd like to fill me in on?
This is apropos: I'm at Denver Int'l, and the bookstore is prominently displaying the "Guide to Getting It On" for sale. Perhaps "in an airplane bathroom" is no longer that unusual?
301: the `mile high club' is an old idea. I don't know that it's every been all that unusual.
You can get all three in about 45 minutes if you take the green line from National Airport through DC and up to the University of Maryland
To do so would require either considerable stamina or some help from the Coolidge effect.
302: Before pressurized plane cabins?
302: the `mile high club' is an old idea.
Given the size of most airplane bathrooms, I suspect a certain disparity between the club's claimed and actual membership lists.
or sufficient youth
You know how they say it's wasted on the young.
302, 305: It was probably pretty uncommon prior to 1903.
Better in a balloon, I think.
Didn't we notice that the mile-high rates were disproportionately high for women, or am I confusing it with something else?
308: I believe you're overlooking what happened to Otto Lilienthal.
following the link, i see that the coolidge effect was demonstrated in mile-high rats.
309: Damn you, Led Zeppelin! [shakes fist at sky]
"This is an extremely difficult decision," Schumer said in a statement, adding that Mukasey "is not my ideal choice."
Yawn.
In a gynecological exam chair in Romania.
Figures that this post would get a gazillion comments. The best I got is teachers lounge of my wife's gradeschool (we were adults, married, and cleaning it over the summer). And in a four bed train compartment on a train from Amsterdam to Berlin with the only other occupant of the compartment a male chinese tourist who spoke no english whatsoever...while he was reading a book in the top bunk, we did it in the bed underneath him.
315: It sounds so clinical when you put it that way.
I'm boring. Beds, floors, chairs and showers. Not that I wouldn't mind other places, but I'm a coward in all respects.
Sex on trains is the absolute best.
306: You don't have too use the bathrooms, you know. And, you'd never know it from US continental setups, but some planes have nice little sleepers in them, etc.
Ah yes, I've done the train thing also. But not with Jackmormon.
I clearly have not spent nearly enough time on trains.
Midfield at the football stadium at Cal.
Sex on trains is wonderful to think about, although it would often be within the broad category of "bed"
I think of Bond's broken finger, and of Eva Marie Saint, whom I sometimes see at the ballet.
I assume we're talking passenger trains, not subways or light rail or anything like that.
320: There are apparently instances of people doing it in the seats, which I guess, yeah, if you can manage it in the dark in a theatre, why not? I'll have to keep that in mind.
320, 326: My mother the flight attendant strongly disapproves. And she knows what you're doing.
I hear tell that ushers don't care much for it either, mind you. But you can't pleas(ur)e everyone.
327: Is it a 'bring enough to share with everyone' thing? Should we invite your mom to join in?
SCHUMER STATEMENT SUPPORTING JUDGE MUKASEY TO BE NEXT U.S. ATTORNEY GENERAL
I will support Judge Michael Mukasey for Attorney General.
I have spent the last nine months doing everything I can to get new leadership at the Department of Justice and I believe the job will not be finished until we get a strong and independent Attorney General. I believe Judge Mukasey is that type of person. Should we reject him, it is almost certain that an acting, caretaker Attorney General will take office without the advice and consent of the Senate. Inevitably, that would enable those in this administration, who do not believe in the rule of law, and have done things that caused even former Attorney General Ashcroft to threaten resignation, to have the complete upper hand.
Only a strong and independent Attorney General can return the Justice Department to what it once was, and should always be. Under this administration, that nominee will certainly never share our views on issues like torture and wiretapping. The best we can hope for is someone who is independent, has integrity, will put rule of law first and, above all, will clean the stench of politicization out of the Justice Department. I believe Judge Mukasey will be that type of Attorney General.
This is an extremely difficult decision. When an administration, so political, so out of touch with the realities of governing and so contemptuous of the rule of law is in charge, we are never left with an ideal choice. Judge Mukasey is not my ideal choice. However, Judge Mukasey, whose integrity and independence is respected even by those who oppose him, is far better than anyone could expect from this administration. He is recommended by and reminds me of Jim Comey, another Bush nominee who--while he didn't agree with us on the issues--showed the kind of independence and integrity this department needs.
I would also like to say something about torture, particularly waterboarding. I deeply oppose it. I supported Senator Kennedy's amendment in 2006 and am a co-sponsor of his bill in this congress. Unfortunately, this nominee, indeed any proposed by President Bush will not agree with this. I am, however, confident that this nominee would enforce a law that bans waterboarding as I hope it will.
This afternoon, I met with Judge Michael Mukasey one more time. I requested the meeting to address, in person, some of my concerns. The Judge made clear to me that, were Congress to pass a law banning certain interrogation techniques, we would clearly be acting within our constitutional authority. And he flatly told me that the President would have absolutely no legal authority to ignore such a law, not even under some theory of inherent authority under Article II of the Constitution. He also pledged to enforce such a law and repeated his willingness to leave office rather than participate in a violation of law.
Judge Mukasey is a lawyer's lawyer. He will not leap to quick judgments. When we want him to do so, such as on torture, we will be disappointed. But when he resists those in the administration who want quick and facile answers, so they can get their way, so they can roll over civil liberties and blot out separation of powers, it is they who will be disappointed.
I realize that, should he become Attorney General, Judge Mukasey and I will disagree on many issues. I have told him that I will battle just as fiercely against him as I did against previous Attorney Generals when we disagree.
These are troubling times at the Justice Department. We cannot afford or allow the department to languish and limp along for the next 14 months. I deeply esteem those who believe the issue of torture is so paramount that Judge Mukasey's views on it should be the sole determinant of our vote. But I must respectfully disagree. The Justice Department is a shambles: politicized and demoralized. The belief and hope that Justice Mukasey, with his experience, independence and integrity, can restore the department motivates my vote.
Tampering with the sex detectors is a federal felony.
sorry, didn't realize it would be so long
I'd like to know if anyone has ever managed to have sex on a bike. Either pedal- or motor- powered would do. (Let's exclude the sex with a bike category. We know they exist, and we know they are wierd.)
My personal favourite is sex in a field, but that is not very surprising or original, is it?
would enforce a law that bans waterboarding as I hope it will
WTF?
I am grown as weary of the Boomer affectation of the qualifiers "deep" and "deeply" as I am of conservatives' "serious" and "seriously."
That's not a bad statement.
But: "that nominee will certainly never share our views on issues like torture and wiretapping. The best we can hope for is someone who is independent, has integrity, will put rule of law first"
Those two sentences hardly seem reconcilable.
Wow. 329 is every shade of wrong.
And I guess it's safe to assume Chuck Schumer's been screwed in some pretty strange places.
And who posted that, by the way? I know it wasn't Schumer.
So, Schumer thinks that current US law doesn't ban waterboarding? Jesus, what a piece of work.
How the hell did such a lovely post about sexually explorative location become a commentary about torture? Did someone answer that guantanamo bay was the strangest place they'd had sex? Killjoys.
Back on topic, 333: does the bike have to be in motion?
342: prefferably, because that would be quite a feat!
336, 339: Yeah, there's a lot in there that I could almost find convincing, but the idea that further legislation is needed to make waterboarding illegal is mindboggling.
338: His chief weapon is surprise. Surprise and fear. Surprise and fear and an almost fanatical devotion to the sound of his own voice.
On topic, I'm a great fan of comfy beds and privacy.
Judge Mukasey is a lawyer's lawyer.
I seem to recall hearing this about Roberts.
Maybe I should go try it -Oh, no, wait, i guess masterbating doesn't count does it? *Sigh* God, I miss sex. *sigh once more*
All you couples out there should be trying out new and interesting locations while you comment, we won't mind the type-o's, seriously.
You lucky bastards.
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagfsdddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
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a lawyer's lawyer
I.e., a whore and proud of it?
Seriously, someone start a separate Schumer/Mukasey thread and get that weenie-shrinker of a subthread out of here so I can hit on Lucy.
Having sex on a comment thread hasn't been mentioned yet. Of course, an e-condom should be used to protect against computer viruses, especially computer retroviruses, IYKWIMAITYD.
350: Possibly you can be the first to actually get it on in an Unfogged comment thread. Although Apo will probably provide about eight links proving me wrong.
Pwned by Emerson. I really am getting old and slow.
Remember, body fluids should be microwaved before exchanging.
Well, I've never had a comment thread make me blush before. Score one for Unfogged Firsts.
Now back to the mechanics of sex on a bike in motion...
Is a recumbent bike allowed? Because that sounds difficult but possible. On a regular bike you'd have to be an acrobat. Or, really, two acrobats.
I'll help set up the bike, and think through the adjustments, but I want no part of the attempt.
a giant tricycle would be ideal, I'd think.
Hrm. Possibly with a banana seat?
Body fluids will be exchanged only in sealed containers and only with a receipt.
357: What? Sex on a bike doesn't sound that hard. Man on seat, woman on man (facing away--just as if she were seated normally on the bike, except standing up a little). Man's feet on peddles, woman's feet on man's feet. Both hold the handlebars. The man concentrates on balancing and peddling the bike, the women concentrates on raising and lower herself on the man. Sex. Orgasm. Simple.
Pretty much just like seated in a very uncomfortable, unstable chair, I would think. Doable if you really wanted to, but why?
357: o/` ...but you'll look sweet / upon the meat / of a bisexual built for two. o/`
I would have posted that before Brock if my colleague hadn't come in to talk to me about something, so I haven't actually been pwned twice in the last fifteen minutes.
Balancing just sounds like a hell of a problem.
Not all physically possible sex is good sex. Also, if you're the sort that finds the idea of sex on a bike hot, you can probably find some reason why doing it on a kid's bike is even hotter.
And then they explain the road rash in the next "interesting scars" thread.
368: don't worry, it's his job to balance--you just have to focus on orchestrating the penetration.
Guess we need another waterboarding thread after all. Another serious republican (note cap) flushed down the toilet by Gonsales.
The more I think about this, the more strongly I'm inclined to advise knee and elbow pads.
It's my fault that a sex thread turned into one about torture. Sorry, Lucy. I should have commented in the political thread below.
It's my fault that a sex thread turned into one about torture.
BG has some issues, see.
How about sex while water boarding? Then we're all happy, or unhappy as the case may be. But the scandalous on top of (or underneath) another scandal would be quite interesting.
380: that was mentioned back at 292/293. No one seemed interested. Given 378/379, now that BG is here maybe she'll be game.
Not all physically possible sex is good sex.
If it can be imagined, someone can imagine enjoying it.
382: That's why Japanese porn is so successful.
Which, in turn, is why the Japanese are so weird.
Sex on a bike doesn't sound that hard. Man on seat, woman on man (facing away--just as if she were seated normally on the bike, except standing up a little). Man's feet on peddles, woman's feet on man's feet. Both hold the handlebars. The man concentrates on balancing and peddling the bike, the women concentrates on raising and lower herself on the man. Sex. Orgasm. Simple.
This sounds a lot like Ogged's theory of in-stall blowjobs. I notice Brock's given the guy the seat, handlebars, and pedals; the woman is somehow supposed to raise and lower herself with all her weight on her arms stretched behind her to the handlebars.
Dream on.
But she'll look sweet upon the seat
385: the woman is somehow supposed to raise and lower herself with all her weight on her arms stretched behind her to the handlebars.
Brock's scheme may well be bunk, but it doesn't look like you read it very carefully...
385: It's slightly more workable than that -- if I understand the suggestion they're both supposed to be facing forward, so she can at least lean on the handlebars in front of her. But standing on the tops of his feet sounds very tricky.
389: Oh right, my bad. It's still fucking ridiculous to think she's going to use her arms, stretched out in front of her, to raise and lower her weight though. And exactly *how* small are this woman's feet, anyway? It sounds like she'd have to have mountain goat hooves.
Really, this can't be that hard. I think you'd fall over a few times, but I bet if they kept trying most people could eventually work out the balance.
And if you think it would be easier, the woman could put her feet directly on the pedals, and the man could just let his dangle. But then the woman has to pedal, too--I was trying for a more even division of labor.
Pedaling standing up is a fuck of a lot easier than trying to balance your feet on someone else's, even if they're standing stock still.
Of course, there's that whole numbing of the perineum problem to worry about, too, especially if the man is putting *all* his weight on the seat. Really, Brock, this is a completely ridiculous idea.
390: I was envisioning her either putting most of her weight on her heels (which would be on his feet, with her toes dangling off), or--and probably more workably--arching her foot and resting the ball of her foot squarely on the flat of the man's foot, with her heel more resting against his upper ankle/lower leg.
That part doesn't really sound hard to me at all, really. It's the balancing I worry about.
by the usual standards of this weblog community I surmise that I am the first to make the joke "in the arse"? If not, do feel free to inform me of the comment number that has "pwned" me, as I believe it was the vogue to say back in 1895.
Pedaling standing up is a fuck of a lot easier than trying to balance your feet on someone else's
Pedaling standing up while having sex? I'm not sure that is easier. Like I said, I was trying to divide the responsibilities here.
Look, DS is going to try a few of these alternatives and report back on Monday. We'll see what works and what doesn't.
That part doesn't really sound hard to me at all, really.
Probably because you've never done the dancing-on-someone-else's-feet thing. Trust me, you're insane.
It's true, I've seen non-sex bicycle acrobat acts that are truly amazing. I'm sure those guys could pull off a bikefuck.
If the woman's going to be doing the penetrative work, she'll definitely need pedal leverage - which is unavailable.
This confirms my suspicions that sex on a motorcycle would be more practical than sex on a bicycle- with or without a banana seat.
Clowns do it on unicycles.
Clowns are superhuman, that's why they strike such fear in the hearts of men and women.
by the usual standards of this weblog community I surmise that I am the first to make the joke "in the arse"? If not, do feel free to inform me of the comment number that has "pwned" me
1.
I was trying to divide the responsibilities here
"Honey, I'll take the responsibility of having a stable foundation; you take the responsibility of being light as a feather. Okay?"
B, I'm starting to think you just have very poor balance.
I think one---and by "one" I mean "someone else---should practice having sex on a bicycle on grass.
Well, that was a fairly entertaining episode of flailing about, there.
409: riding bikes high is fun and all but I think you should start sober.
How, exactly, is the man supposed to pedal with the woman standing on his feet?
409: well, yes, that's why I recommended the knee and elbow pads. Grass may be too difficult to pedal through. Unless maybe it was a football field or something.
395: pwned by 394 comments, in fact.
412: With his SUPERHUMAN MACHO MAN LEG STRENGTH, of course. It also helps if he's the kind of guy who thinks that hearing a woman say things like "goddamnit if you make me fall and bash my pussy on that center bar I will fucking cut your dick off" is really hot.
412, 417: If she's very strong, very limber, and weighs 80 pounds, I could see it working. If he's an acrobat.
Really, wouldn't it be easier to just use Photoshop?
412: They fucking get in a goddam rhythm and anticipate what each other is doing and they effectively pedal together, that's how. She's not a fucking deadweight on his feet. They both move, he's just "leading" so to speak. Or, again, let him hang his feet and give her the goddam pedals all to herself if you want to. Jesus H. Christ people, this isn't that hard.
417: Women are always going on about things and making a fuss, but this is for science.
417: More like "if you slip off my feet with my dick still in you and break my dick, I'll kill you.>"
Keep going people, this is all great.
Oh, and if I come back a quadroplegic castrato, I'm blaming Brock.
(You know, if we keep this conversation up, I think we can probably exasperate Brock enough that he tries to talk Mrs. Landers into making the attempt. Which should be wildly entertaining: "Sweetheart? Remember that website I told you about? Well, I want to convince these people of something. Can you come out in the back yard...")
You'll be fine, DS. Be sure to take pictures.
get in a goddam rhythm and anticipate what each other is doing
Have you tried to maintain a consistent pedaling rhythm at low speeds? While constantly shifting your weight around? Not as easy as it sounds.
426: If it were easy, everybody would be doing it. Right now! In front of you! Laughing at your pasty thighs and poor coordination!
LB, did he ever tell her about the site. I think that ignorance of this site is what allowed my e-mail about primary care doctors to cause such trouble. We don't actually know that the man ever came clean.
424: I've been sitting here thinking about it. Most problematic: no back yard. So we're talking public park, which adds a whole different layer of difficulty. (Difficulty in persuading the missus, not difficulty in execution.)
Any engineers here? A properly designed bicycle could make sex routine. Two different sets of pedals adjustable to take relative height into account. A few extra handles and supports.
431: Technocratic solutions are not the way of truth, John. What we seek here is a sex bicycle of the spirit.
Okay, I am persuaded: letting her have the pedals all to herself is the better course.
430: You could try it fully clothed first just to get the hang of pedaling together.
If we're actually trying to make this whole sex-on-a-bicycle thing work, then I suggest a gently downward grass slope would solve some of the pedaling problems.
As for location: golf course at night.
429: we've discussed this somewheer. The answer depends on how one parses the meaning of "came clean".
A downward slope seems like a bad idea to me, unless it's bottomless. It would be tough to balance if you were riding the break.
Engineers? Feh. I'm a programmer, so I advocate inserting the bike into a mattress, then fucking on it. Problem solved.
Wait wait, is a bicycle sex injury the true cause of the ass bleeding?
Be sure to take pictures.
Video. "Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head" would be an appropriate soundtrack.
Surely it's been tried? Someone not at work get their Google Fu going. Where's porn expert ogged?
Jesus H. Christ people, this isn't that hard.
That makes it difficult, even if you're not trying to do it on a bike.
If you want real difficulty, try it on a unicycle.
This isn't quite right. It's also not safe for work.
Surely it's been tried?
I'm listening to this podcast right now, but he hasn't gotten to the sex on a bike part yet.
There's some commentary on the issue around 7:45 of this excellent podcast, oddly enough, describing what I'm sure is the likeliest outcome. And of course (NSFW) sex weaponization of bikes.
439: I haven't really said anything, since way too much attention has already been paid to my ass here, but since there was some genuine concern and it's late Friday night I should go ahead and spill out details for the record. Basically, there's nothing wrong with me whatsoever, and you worryworts rushed me off to the doctor for absolutely no reason.
Bleeding: primarily internal hemorrhoids. They also found and removed several pre-cancerous polyps, which may have been an additional ancillary source. The doctor suggested that perhaps I eat too much red meat (as if there could be such a thing), and not enough fiber. Anyway, since there were sort of a lot of problems up there for someone my age, I'm supposed to repeat the procedure every few years now. Which blows, but probably blows less than colorectal cancer.
Weight loss and fatigue: not really sure. Still working on this. I don't think tapeworm has been ruled out (I'm totally serious.)
The doctor thinks the libido thing is just a natural byproduct of my dull and loveless marriage. He advised that if I adopt a mistress the problem will likely clear itself right up.
And, thinking about it, for all the wacky video sites I check every day, I can't recall seeing any sex on a bike videos. That said, I think it's totally possible. I'd lay odds that some guy in China is fucking three women at the same time on his bike right now.
447: Adopt a mistress? Worked for Ted Nugent.
Surely you'd do a few dry runs first to work out balancing together and find a good position. Maybe that turns some people on, sex that requires practice.
Yeah, the podcast guy witnessed the bicycle crash and has taken away from that encounter the following lesson: "Don't have sex on a bicycle."
I'd lay odds that some guy in China is fucking three women at the same time on his bike right now.
Racist. Just 'cause they're industrious doesn't mean they're crazy.
447: Hey, thanks for the update. That'll let me stop evaluting every comment with "Better be nice to Brock, considering he's got six months to live." (The thought, in fact, underlying 424.) Normal levels of ill-treatment can resume now.
I'm having sex on an internet-ready mountain bike right now.
(The thought, in fact, underlying 424.)
I'm puzzling and puzzling over what that comment might have looked like without this thought underlying it.
That'll let me stop evaluting every comment with "Better be nice to Brock, considering he's got six months to live."
I was thinking just the opposite. "Won't have Brock to kick around much longer, better get a few shots in."
Crap, if Brock's not going to die we won't have anyone to make fun of.
Can someone else develop cancer soon? Preferably not me.
Back to biking:
Have you tried to maintain a consistent pedaling rhythm at low speeds? While constantly shifting your weight around? Not as easy as it sounds.
Try doing it when your feet aren't actually on the pedals themselves, but are resting on someone else's foot, while struggling with them for control of the handlebars, which you are using to support most of your weight as you raise and lower your torso.
Don't forget to worry about that center bar, while you're at it.
That's great news, Brock. And didn't LB already diagnose you with tapeworm?
Maybe you need to take the people out of the equation?
Brock I think I may have a solution to your libido problems.
You could get the BMX-style axle footpegs. Not sure if it'd work better having the woman stand on the front ones while the man pedals, or the woman pedal while the man stands on the back one, but it seems like one of them ought to work.
Tweety, how (and more importantly, why) do you find this stuff?
(You needn't feel obliged to answer, of course, if I'm getting too personal).
462: I think she diagnosed hookworm, which I'm pretty sure isn't right.
466: because apo's been mia in that regard --- someone had to take up the slack
shivbunny: Hey, what are you reading?
me: [recounts Brock story]
shivbunny: holy fuck. [shakes his head.]
Speaking of location, it looks like I might be living in the bay area next year.
Got kicked out despite having tenure, did ya?
Engaging in beyond intermediate studies?
471: Congrats on this happy (if life-complicating) news.
324 -- What do you think?
I was going to add another just after I wrote 323, but then (a) got mad about Shumer/Mukasey and (b) lost connectivity. It's not an exotic place, and it wasn't on a bike, but I had a very pleasant experience, many years ago (before I met my wife, a requisite of any mention of my sex life on this blog) on the bluffs overlooking the ocean north of Jenner, CA. GF and I enjoying each other's company to the full extent, and at exactly the correct moment, a large whale breached, loudly and in line of sight, quite close by.
I'm still mad about Shumer, and intend to pester my senators until confirmation about how we ought to have 40 votes in favor of the rule of law. If the President wants to appoint a federal judge to the post, let him take Coughenour.
Doing it in front of whales, eh Charley? That's sick.
473: Yeah, they revoked tenure after a right-wing website got hold of his course syllabi. Bloody foreigner was teaching Marx. That mountain bike story in 456 didn't help matters.
looks like I might be living in the bay area next year
This is an attempt to get me to do some free babysitting, isn't it?
Not everything's about you, ogged. Maybe he's trying to get Josh and Magpie to babysit.
Maybe he'll help the Warriors on defense.
Got kicked out despite having tenure, did ya?
Fucking "moral turpitude" clause.
This is an attempt to get me to do some free babysitting, isn't it?
Actually I was thinking we could live in your department. Just what the well-adjusted just-so bachelor needs. It'd be like a sitcom.
Apartment. Christ. I have been in academia too long.
And for those of you who missed it, in 2005 Judge Coughenour sentenced millenium bomber Ahmed Ressam, and had this to say about the sentence:
The message I would hope to convey in today's sentencing is two-fold: First, that we have the resolve in this country to deal with the subject of terrorism and people who engage in it should be prepared to sacrifice a major portion of their life in confinement.
Secondly, though, I would like to convey the message that our system works. We did not need to use a secret military tribunal, or detain the defendant indefinitely as an enemy combatant, or
deny him the right to counsel, or invoke any proceedings beyond those guaranteed by or contrary to the United States Constitution.
I would suggest that the message to the world from today's sentencing is that our courts have not abandoned our commitmentto the ideals that set our nation apart. We can deal with the
threats to our national security without denying the accused fundamental constitutional protections.
Despite the fact that Mr. Ressam is not an American citizen and despite the fact that he entered this country intent upon killing American citizens, he received an effective, vigorous defense, and the opportunity to have his guilt or innocence determined by a jury of 12 ordinary citizens. Most importantly, all of this occurred in the sunlight of a public trial. There were no secret proceedings, no indefinite detention, no denial of counsel.
The tragedy of September 11th shook our sense of security and made us realize that we, too, are vulnerable to acts of terrorism. Unfortunately, some believe that this threat renders our Constitution obsolete. This is a Constitution for which men and women have died and continue to die and which has made us a model among nations. If that view is allowed to prevail, the terrorists will have won. It is my sworn duty, and as long as there is breath in my body I'll perform it, to support and defend the Constitution of the United States.
We will be in recess.
I'm still mad about Shumer
Me too. I'm now going to take a moment and focus all my mental energy on making Schumer and Feinstein kill themselves. Everybody is welcome to join in.
It'd be like a sitcom.
You know, this would be funny enough that I'm game. Let's do it.
this would be funny enough that I'm game.
Even funnier if your mother had a role. She'd play the Jewish mother of classic sitcom fame, except Muslim.
"classic sitcom" s/b "real life"; classic sitcoms didn't have Jews on them.
Not that there weren't Jewish mothers, they were just "Italian" or whatever.
Yeah, they revoked tenure after a right-wing website got hold of his course syllabi. Bloody foreigner was teaching Marx. That mountain bike story in 456 didn't help matters.
I have a recurring nightmare (it recurs whenever students hand in written work) where some Sunny State parent asks their kid, "So, what is Professor Gonerill teaching you about?" And they say, "Well. he says that the Division of Labor was invented during the industrial revolution after feudalism had ruled the earth for thousands of years. The purpose of the division of labor is to increase efficiency and by making the surplus worker, or proletarian, more exploited, so that communism can replace capitalism."
This is modern and republican fedualism. These American barons and lords of labor have probably more power and less responsibility than many an olden feudal lord. They close the factory or the mine, and thousands of workmen are forced into unwilling idleness. The capitalist can arbitrarily raise the price of necessaries, can prevent men's working, but has no responsibility, meanwhile, as to their starving. Here is "taxation without representation" with a vengeance. We have developed a despotism vastly more oppressive and more exasperating than that against which the thirteen colonies rebelled.
489: Rhoda's not classic sitcom? Well, maybe it isn't, but I remember watching that show as a kid, and I loved Rhoda so much that I desperately wanted to live in New York and be in on the joke.
But if "classic" means 1950s, then, yeah, probably no Jewish mothers there. Possibly not even "Italian," either?
Try doing it when your feet aren't actually on the pedals themselves, but are resting on someone else's foot, while struggling with them for control of the handlebars, which you are using to support most of your weight as you raise and lower your torso.
See, all these problems can be eliminated by better design. We shouldn't be talking about a generic traditional one-asshole bike, we should be talking about a specially-designed third-millennium two-asshole fuck-bike.
But if "classic" means 1950s, then, yeah, probably no Jewish mothers there. Possibly not even "Italian," either?
Yeah, I was thinking 1950s; I haven't seen many of them, so I'm not sure if there were any explicit non-WASP ethnicities represented among the minor characters. Rhoda seems more post-classical.
Sextoral college
Man, I'm doing really bad in that regard. Texas, Illinois, Wisconsin, North Carolina, and the District of Columbia. 83.
re sex on a bike... i have a bike up on a trainer (eg the back wheel is on another wheel that has resistance so i can bike inside when it is cold, etc). Sounds like the perfect place to practice. Now, if only I have a real doll girlfriend.
497: I'm only at 135, even with CA and NY. Road trip!
496: (I Love) Lucy's husband Ricky Ricardo was not-WASP. Catholic was edgy in the 1950s; Jewish was probably over the line.
Lucy was also a member of the Communist Party.
Fact. Look it up.
There's a great Simpsons gag where the TV plays an old show labeled "Ethnic Mismatch Comedy #644" with an Italian guy cursing at his [some other ethnicity] wife. It is classic sitcom fodder, back to radio days -- Jack Benny at least.
I may have missed someone addressing this already, but a recumbent bike is quite good for having sex on, and is in fact one of my couple of contributions to the locations list. It was mounted in one of those frames for use as an exercise bike, but it wouldn't have been much more of a nuisance in motion once we got enough speed to stay upright. The angles were all unusual, but very comfortable, and we used it quite a few times the year we had access to it, while housesitting.
My other favorite odd place was a projection booth, while working as a projectionist. In those days the college's closest approximation to a real movie theater had a pair of projectors requiring manual switching. Since my lady and I were usually both pretty quiet, we managed some very, very fine times, with the timing for whichever of us had the duty that weekend to make the reel changes making for good pacing. The booth itself had a weirdly thick comfortable padding layer under the carpeting, so we brought in roll-up mattress and bedding.
The Goldbergs were on tv in the early fifties.
Mostly you had the likes of George Burns or the Three Stooges or Jack Benny. You didn't need to be very sophisticated to know where the style came from but it wasn't trumpeted, and many people weren't very sophisticated, or they wouldn't have been watching in the first place.
It's telling that the classic "poor and urban" comedy of the fifties featured a couple of Irish Americans, Jackie Gleason and Art Carney.
505: I didn't know about The Goldbergs. This caught my eye:
In 1949 The Goldbergs moved to television with a new cast (except Molly), sponsored on CBS by General Mills' Sanka Coffee, which dropped the program in 1951 when Philip Loeb, then playing Jake, was blacklisted in the infamous Red Channels purge.
Just read that Gertrude Berg kept Loeb on at full salary, but he commited suicide in 1955. There's a clip of the show here (scroll down). The scene where the car breaks down reads like a transcript of my relationship. I'd never heard of this show before.
Does an exercise bike count? That seems simple. I have one right here, in fact.
I suppose if you really, really wanted to have sex on a bike, you might try out positions, balance, etc. fully clothed, then once you have that down add the actual penetration. But that takes the spontaneity out, no?
Aha:
Let's discuss the sex on a bicycle scene. I kept waiting for them to crash...They did crash. She fell and got injured. It was [minor]. I was worried about that scene because it was all moving shots. From the beginning to the end, I did not want to have a static shot. I wanted to chase them--movement, constantly. It involved a lot of planning, and ordering the light equipment, and the days were getting shorter--we had to sneak as many shots as possible before it gets dark. Logistically, it was difficult. This shot--we had a technical problem. We lost three bicycles. We had to mount the moped on a trailer and shoot it. I should give it a try and see if it works.
And from other descriptions, that was just a handjob and a moped!
297 (long ago and far away):
Every time I think about it, I start humming.
298
I've been shy about going to meetups (lurking is more my style). However, I just found out that one of my new co-workers is a recurring character in this melodrama, so I guess I've got an in.
297 (long ago and far away):
Every time I think about it, I start humming.
298
I've been shy about going to meetups (lurking is more my style). However, I just found out that one of my new co-workers is a recurring character in this melodrama, so I guess I've got an in.
This is an attempt to get me to do some free babysitting, isn't it?
this would be funny enough that I'm game. Let's do it.
Ogged, your baby lust is showing.
The deserted North end of Dunedin Beach in Florida, around 2PM. OK, so it wasn't all that unusual, but it was very very nice.
