Why is there no Sexiest Woman Alive in People? Or have I missed it?
Sexism, plain and simple. After the revolution, when The Matriarchy has finally been defeated, we'll have some images of hot women in the media. That's a promise!
we'll have some images of hot women in the media.
Speed the day.
"Billy Parish?" Really?
Die hipsters-with-hipper-than-thou-poses-with-no-shirt-on, die.
I'm not sure that Cate Blanchett counts as a hot man.
Perhaps we are not talking about the same revolution, comrade.
And Farhad Manjoo contributed to the Salon one. Is he coming to UDCon?
I'm excited that Javier Bardem was honored. I have loved him forever.
Am I mistaken, or is Salon objectively more racist than People magazine?
Also, why is Brad Pitt always on People's list? Freaks me out, man. Good for them for including Johnny Depp, although clearly he deserves to be at the top of both lists.
One wonders how old that photo of Anthony Lane is.
Fahrhad Manjoo should definitely go to UDCon. Even though his pick for a sexy man is insane. Then again, that might mean that w-lfs-n could get laid.
9:Brad Pitt is really, really sexy.
Salon's picks are clearly insane, but all sexual desire is insane. Peter Sarsgaard, for example, is really fucking sexy but I don't know why.
... was honored
Honored?
Is it just A-list movie and sports stars or do they make an effort to cover the waterfront with token black guy, token fat guy, token ugly guy, token book guy and token AARP guy?
I agree with B-- if these lists were for real, Johnny Depp would be at the top every year.
But Tony Leung: yes. And Jacques Pepin: wouldn't have thought of him, but he does seem damned charming.
17: I just meant he didn't "win"; he was honorably mentioned. I don't know whether he felt honored.
Act I, Who wants to sex Ira Glass?
Tony Leung is very sexy, as is Jon Hamm.
22: Oh, I have a li'l crush on Ira Glass.
Is it just A-list movie and sports stars
A- list stars with current projects that need promotion
This would be more interesting if y'all were giving reasons for finding people sexy. It's ok if you make them up.
But this claim that Sean Penn can wear a mustache and so is sexy is stupid, not least because Sean Penn looks totally awful in a mustache.
Peter Sarsgaard, for example, is really fucking sexybut I don't know why.
Indeed, grasshopper, if you knew why, he would in that selfsame moment cease to be sexy.
20: sometimes, people are just so, so sexy that... that you just want to grab, them, you know? Do (small laugh) naughty things to them. Well, today on my cock, you.
In this segment, contributor Dikembe Mutombo wanders through college towns, seeking out folks who have crave the strangely appealing host of This American Life—me.
Tony Leung: it's the languidness.
Jacques Pepin: He seems fun and sensual (this from the self-portrayal in his book) and a teeny bit charmingly oblivious.
30 should have been "today on This American Cock."
Thanks, Ira.
Javier Bardem is sexy because he's somehow both huge and bearish, but also weirdly lithe and graceful.
Peter Sarsgaard is at least partially sexy because of his quiet voice. Mastery of a hott quiet voice = 9/10 of the way to the bedroom.
Who wants to sex Ira Glass? Have you asked yourself this question? You'd think the answer would be straightforward, and in some respects it is. But there's a deeper, even even troubling aspect to people's reactions, as Dikembe found.
Mastery of a hott quiet voice = 9/10 of the way to the bedroom.
AWB and I agree about something having to do with sex!
Mostly post-production sound engineering.
Surely no one is contesting Tony Leung, right? That would be pretty insane.
Mastery of a hott quiet voice = 9/10 of the way to the bedroom.
I tend to mumble. Score!
Does People have a can of spray-on stubble it's trying to use up, or what?
Can't get enough of your love, baby.
42: Shit. Is stubble back in? I like how it looks, but it's really really bad for making out.
44: but you like beards? Hypocrite!#!@
I have intentional stubble like stuff on part of my face and I'm not ashamed.
45: Honestly, I appreciate all varieties of facial hair. But stubble of a certain length is rough.
I didn't appreciate the roughness of stubble until I started swimming, and now there's a patch on my shoulder where it rubs against my chin that gets really sore and red.
24-31-36: I have a story about this radio host. It would not be out of place in that episode.
A friend in Los Angeles, L., originally from Chicago, was going home for her birthday. This was back in 1998 or 9; TAL was big but not huge. L. decided that for her birthday, she would like to have lunch with the show's host.
We decided to form a committee. A friend of L.'s designed letterhead that said "Lunch with L." in big letters made of vegetables. I was the Secretary-Treasurer; we also had a Sergeant-at-Arms and a Chismoso, if memory serves.
We produced an international campaign of support, consisting of about a dozen letters to the host, asking that he have lunch with L. on her birthday in Chicago. A college friend who was living in Italy and a Mexican bartender from a downtown club wrote letters, making the campaign international.
After about a week and a half, L. checked her messages to hear the host saying, "I'd love to have lunch with you, L."
So they had lunch! At a deli in Chicago. And they hit it off, so the host invited L. to come with him to a party the following night. Where they hit it off some more, and made out in his car.
He admitted that his staff had warned him against going to lunch with her, thinking her a violent stalker.
He flew out to L.A. a few months later to pitch the TV show, and they hooked up again, but that was it. And it took the TV show another seven years to get going.
22, 30, 31, 33, 36: antisemites
24: philosemite
I have a friend who executed a similar campaign to meet David Letterman (although I think she was mostly on her own). She got banned from the set as a potential stalker.
Why is People using that terrible picture of James McIvoy? I usually think he's rather adorable, and there they have him all squinty and peevish-looking.
Unfogged Action Item! Orange colored titles ACTIVATE! I must meet and make out with Ira Glass!
Please.
48: A friend of mine has complained that, after an hour or so on the rowing machine at the gym, the undersides of his upper arms will have been so abraded against his knees on the draw portion of the stroke that he'll leave little specks of blood on the towel when he wipes the sweat off his arms. I think he's also complained about abraded nipples, but I shut my ears to that Lovecraftian horror.
Ira Glass is sexy when he his looks like an old lesbian.
Just when you thought it was safe not to hit preview...
56: polyester shirts in combination with sweat, physical activity combine to produce chafed, bloody nipples. We used to call it "raver rash".
56: Has your friend not heard of Body Glide, or is he abrading himself even when lubricated?
Can't say I go for any of them. Apart from Johnny Depp I guess, but he's special. And at least some of that is Captain Jack Sparrow.
You know who should have been in either list (though is clearly not A list enough for People and not high brown enough for Salon)? Jamie Bamber/Apollo from BSG. Arm porn aplenty.
56: I'm guessing it's the salt in his sweat that's responsible for both, not hair. BodyGlide might help.
Strongbad comes in ahead of A. Cooper? Excellent.
I used to date a guy who acquired 5 o'clock shadow by 11 o'clock in the morning. Yeah, stubble can be a problem. But well-kempt facial hair is pretty delightful.
Also, I can't decide whether it would be awesome or totally alarming (or both) to have make-outs with a radio personality. Like making out with the woman who recorded the "at the tone, Pacific Daylight Time will be . . ." thing.
OH god,. High brown? All I can say in my defence is that I can't sleep because my 10 year old has a bloody test that could decide her next 7 years of school tomorrow and I am extremely nervous. (She's not.) And looking at Jamie Bamber is keeping me calm.
65: I used to date the guy who did that on the radio in Cleveland.
65: Probably pretty depressing, if she got all maudlin about losing her life's purpose to time.gov.
Like making out with the woman who recorded the "at the tone, Pacific Daylight Time will be . . ." thing.
Did you know POP-CORN is over? I called for the time a day ago, and the recording said that there was no more time phone service as of Sept 12th. Shoot. I used that a few times a year.
I for one, would sex Ira Glass. I've been listening to TAL since '95, but do not begrudge the public radio neophyte strumpets (seriously, how many Facebook groups can there exist for slavish devotion to Ira) for finding out what I have known for over a decade: the man is HOT, and Buddy Holly glasses are awesome. I still prefer listening to the show than watching it (TV is for the new generation), and it is odd to think of the video/radio star death thesis being subverted.
Tony Leung is very hot, I do not contest you there, w-lfs-n. But as you may recall when we were watching Lust, Caution, together, I did visibly recoil many a time from his rather unappealing, masochistic character. Dude, he just looked bored during the sex scenes, as if inflicting pain was like combing his hair. His hotness was given better effect in the Wong Kar Wai movies, where he ranged from sweet and charming (Chunking Express) to impassive and steely (In the Mood, 2046), and yes, the dude on dude was hot in Happy Together.
68 - Perhaps you've already discussed this. It was a shock to me.
I called for the time a day ago
On your cell phone?
when we were watching Lust, Caution, together
I guess Ben omitted to mention this to us.
No. I walked by the cell phone on the table, carefully shutting its existance out of my mind, as I always do, picked up my landline and dialed POP-CORN, which is over. I did not then check my cell phone for the time, which would require acknowledging that it exists, but instead checked the time on the internets.
Occasionally, my cell phone exists when I am on the train, and a land line isn't possible. As of Sunday, my cell phone will be my only phone. I am not ready for that.
54: Sorry, Megan, he's since been taken. Some chick with a MacArthur.
77: Is that what they're calling it these days?
Dude, he just looked bored during the sex scenes, as if inflicting pain was like combing his hair.
Spoken as one who hasn't seen Mystery Train.
Actually, scratch that. I'm thinking of Mary Zimmerman, but I don't think they're together.
77: One of my friends, also a huge TAL fan (we catch the tours when we can) wrote me, when he found out:
"Can you believe Ira glass is married?! To a WOMAN?!"
But that's the charm of Ira, he owns up to his femme nerdiness. I even forgive him for loving The OC.
Spoken as one who hasn't seen Mystery Train.
True enough. Next movie night.
Does it have knife slaying scenes? You know I can't handle those.
It has a guy who's very careful of his coiffure during sex and whose first action immediately following is to check it.
It also has Screamin' Jay Hawkins as a hotel clerk who eats a plum. That, really, is the only scene I would care to view again.
82: Glass married Chicago Reader editor An/heed Al/ni in August 2005.
When I tell people my story, they're impressed, but mostly that Ira Glass would kiss a girl.
I love SJH in MT. I liked all of it, and would gladly see it again.
I wonder about the "ubiquitous voice" phenomenon far more than I should. E.g., what if the "the doors are closing; please stand clear of the doors" woman for Caltrain rides Caltrain? (Unlikely, I know, but still--what would that do to one's psyche? Or am I overthinking this?)
My mother was so disappointed when she found out that she could no longer "call popcorn" that she emailed her entire address book about it. It was adorable.
Unfogged Action Item! Orange colored titles ACTIVATE! I must meet and make out with Ira Glass!
Married. Love TAL.
I would like to see Down By Law, but really only because I would like to see Tom Waits.
Married.
You say that like it's a problem.
DBL has some of the greatest ensemble acting I've ever seen.
He eats a plum and that's it? That better be some damn good cinematography or an extraordinarily action-packed plum eating scene.
I hate that it's almost finals. Next movie night won't be for a while, which may be just as well, because I can watch movies with you and be quiet, or movies with Paul and talk the whole time, but doing both at once is both impossible and potentially annoying to at least one of us.
He eats a plum and that's it?
Scarfs it down entire in one go.
OT: Has anyone besides me ever wanted to make a move on someone just so you could feel more justified in accusing someone else of trying to cockblock?
What about the pit?
That's not so impressive. Depends on the size of the plum. I bet I could do that with most varieties. I think I have, my family used to have a plum tree.
95: No, but I'd like to say I really appreciate your work for Habitat for Humanity, Mr. President, if not your poetry.
I bet I could do that with most varieties.
I've got two right here, we can try it out sometime.
Well, I don't think TAL is all that hot.
95: You haven't made a move, but there's already been blockage of your cock?
Ben, if you hold a Plum-Swallerin' Contest, I'm going to raise Mark Twain from the dead so he can write it up.
There's someone Jimmy wants to accuse of cock-blockage, and making a move is a necessary prerequisite for establishing the accusation's plausibility.
Or, perhaps, Jimmy feels that he's being subtly, and preëmptively, cockblocked, and wants to force things into the open.
But what evidence does Jimmy have at this time? This friend too subtly cockblocks? Or cockblocks other friends?
You haven't made a move, but there's already been blockage of your cock?
It happens.
Bring it on, w-lfs-n, bring it on.
I would engage you in an Eat Off any day.
100:
TAL is very hot. It is public radio hot, the hottest of all nerdy habits, until it became too cool and yet common. Now the last refuge is the CBC, or Canadian public radio.
Sorry. I still don't like TAL.
http://blog.joegrohens.com/echo2/archives/2005/04/npr_flaming_squ.html
I assume that there is some sort of passive-aggressive cockblockery going on which must be forced to become aggressive cockblockery in order to make the blockee appear justified in his rage.
The proper response to subtle cockblocking is a subtle one. It never does to initiate the phase change to the overt in these situations; better to manipulate the adversary into it, in order to preserve the defense of the Excuse Ingenuous.
...the hottest of all nerdy habits....
Anyone else see Darkon on IFC the other night?
preëmptively
When did you start writing for the New Yorker, w-lfs-n?
(OT: It's been about 6 weeks since I started reading the New Yorker again, and already I'm remembering why it is I stopped subscribing years ago.)
When did you start writing for the New Yorker, w-lfs-n?
Now the last refuge is the CBC, or Canadian public radio.
There's actually a fair bit of good public radio out there, though more unbearable stuff. I don't know if Radio Lab is on that list, but I like it.
Ah. I'm guessing, Jimmy, that this may blow up in your face. In 2004, I did the brilliant move, "Oh, so you are subtly trying to seduce my boyfriend? Fine, go ahead and DO IT." This, of course, ended in all kinds of unexpected tragedy and no one spoke to anyone who was at that party for six months.
107: TAL is the only thing on US public radio that could hold a candle to the good CBC shows. TAL is great. NPR overall is pretty meh.
If you have never heard the flaming squirrel story, be sure to click through the link. I don't know when I have laughed so hard.
I hate you all. I hate you so very much.
No, really, the issue here is that me + X is a very different social interaction from me + X + Y, but Y self-invites when she thinks me + X are spending time together. Since I'm not actually trying to hit on X, I don't feel like I have a good justification for telling Y I want time alone with X, but it sure would be satisfying to tell Y to quit cockblocking me.
Also - cockblocking; hyphenate or not?
Since this thread has ground to a halt,
I'm not surprised they had to put Ryan Reynolds in black-and-white: that's the only way to hide his being an unbearable douche.
125: So you're going to cure the awkwardness of telling Y that you don't want her to always tag along when you do something with X by (1) trying to hit on X despite not really wanting to sex her, (2) getting cockblocked by Y, (3) chewing Y out for cockblocking you, and then (4) not sexing X? And you want to remain friends with both X and Y? As the plot of a fluffy farcical comedy, it might work.
127: Yeah, as long as Mr. Roper doesn't get mad enough to throw you out of the apartment, you'll be fine.
this thread has ground to a halt
Reason being: "sexiest" men aren't all that interesting.
127: It's not an actual plan, it's just suicidal ideation.
Yeah, that doesn't sound good for X's feelings, which, presumably, you'd want to spare.
127: Dude, Cary Grant couldn't pull that off if he had Faulkner writing and Kurosawa directing.
Oddly, though, Kurosawa could have pulled it off with Grant writing and Faulkner directing. Funny how things work out.
129: Or all that sexy. Bland, bland, Affleck, bland.
You like Affleck, Cala? He was the only one on People's list that I don't get even a whiff of teh sexxy from.
That is, please explain, if you have reasons.
133: They called him "the Emperor" for a reason.
That is, please explain, if you have reasons.
Sexiness is insane.
Sexiest man (or woman) alive is like Santa! Doesn't exist! We pretend, all of us together!
Bwaha, funny.
Goddamn, I'm full of profundity today and should just go to bed.
Actually, though, this comment is occasioned by Salon's phrasing: Sexiest Man Living 2007. Hoo-boy, scary to be him, then, I would imagine.
140.1 is much better when said in a heavy eastern european accent.
Jon Hamm looks like Mitt Romney. I think Mitt Romney has ruined an entire genre of male attractiveness.
President Carter, you wouldn't happen to be in high school and have a fondness for Wodehouse, would you?
Everything's better in a heavy eastern european accent.
You must love those bayareahelpwanted.com ads, Ham-Love.
Ham-Love
Apostropher, is that you?
Isn't President Carter the one who was going to ask out someone on the last day of the project, but there was a goofball who wouldn't let him spend any time with her? Someone with better command of the archives can access it; it ended lamely.
That was non-presidential, and he successfully asked her out, she just wasn't interested. Mockery would be misdirected.
Ah right. All the lameness was hers, for not liking whomever it was.
Anyway, Carter: Either tell X "Let's not bring Y" and mean it, or suffer silently. There is no French sex comedy here.
There's got to be a French sex comedy somewhere.
Ohohoho you randy little scamp! Now let's see that ticket de metro!
Ham-Love is just Hamilton-Lovecraft sending from his awkward-input mobile device.
I find it difficult to type on ham, too.
152: Ayam, 'ow yeu say, Brazilian-style? Oh la-la! [slams door]
Fuck! That was my friend FSC borrowing my computer. She forgot to reset the name field.
I hate me.
155: but 'ow willl yeu get on zhe train! (pratfall)
But you can't eat a conventional keyboard.
Oh. Look, I don't know if this is such a good idea. I mean, is this a relationship, or ... well, what do you think, mom? I mean -- oh, God, did I really just call you--? I better go.
Peter Sarsgaard, for example, is really fucking sexy but I don't know why.
I fully agree.
161: I think it has something to do with the lethal calm.
Jewish sex comedy, that would be... Genesis 19:30, and forward.
head-swellingly, I was compared to Peter Sarsgaard earlier tonight.
159: I've got $20 if you've got a camera. Heck, I've got $20 if 155 has a camera.
163: Yes, and the quiet voice.
I should get back into online dating just so I could see what happens when you put "a very quiet voice" into the "More about what I'm looking for" section.
A very quiet voice, and a thousand yard stare.
I should get back into online dating just so I could see what happens when you put "a very quiet voice" into the "More about what I'm looking for" section.
A date with Linda Thompson ten years ago.
I believe that we decided that it was a 470 meter stare, plus awkwardness and desire.
173: It's boring, except as a social experiment. I think I eventually learned that (a) wow, it's fun to meet all these people I'd never meet in any of my social circles!, and then (b) I really like the people I meet in my social circles for a reason.
I'm sure online dating fears you too.
Truthfully, online dating has been good to me.
I don't want to meet "people"; I want to meet tall, busty, redheaded women who find my distracted, boyish affect appealing.
In conclusion, it's Screamin' Jay Hawkins, and he's a wild man. So bug off.
176: If I meet any, I'll let you know. Hook me a quiet-voiced nondescript sort of fellow in the meanwhile.
176: Huh. I had a high school classmate like that. Last I knew she was married and living in Alaska, though.
176: You can find them online.
I advocate online dating. I'm not sure if my girlfriend does, however.
I'm not sure if my girlfriend does, however.
I think she's hooking up with Ogged on the non-swimming swimming post right now.
Hook me a quiet-voiced nondescript sort of fellow in the meanwhile.
I thought, stereotypically, this was the kind of person you met through online dating? It's certainly the future self I imagined getting into online dating.
183: You'd think so, wouldn't you? But no, my failures in online dating are many and storied, and all end in hilarious tragedy.
184: Remind me to tell you all the religious cult story sometime.
184: There really ought to be a way for someone with your combination of literary and romantic talents to make a very nice living telling such stories.
Hey, Flip. Don't you have a good religious cult story?
186: You've seen the shit I've gotten for telling even minor anonymous details about them here, under a pseudonym. Can you imagine what a huge bitch I'd have to be to tell them under my own name? Priceless material, yes, but not very kind to think of people as material.
186, 184: There's the "Modern Love" series at the Times.
Not very kind to think of people as material.
A lot of novelists seem to have done that.
187: Why yes, I do. Sadly, it will have to wait for another day -- got to finish some work.
188: No reason you couldn't publish under a pseudonym.
190: So when you make lots of money off of your condescending representation of real people, you're a literary genius, but when you pseudonymously mention an unpleasant detail about an unnamed sexual partner, you're a thoughtless cunt with a pathologically cruel attitude toward sex? I see! Neat!
189: Well, yes, they'd have to be fictionalized a bit to protect the innocent (and the guilty), but I don't think a handful of weird reactions to you-as-you says much about how people would react to you-as-dramatic-character. If anything, the weirdness to you personally is maybe partly due to the challenge of reconciling the dramatic bits with the pedestrian stuff that wouldn't make the column/novel/story/screenplay but is part of you-as-you.
I'm mostly kidding around, but only mostly.
193: One is a businesswoman, the other just a gossip.
195 crossed with 193, but, umm....look, a shiny object!
193: Eh, if you published something, there'd be people who'd hate that, too. No question. The loudest reaction, though, isn't always the most important one.
After reading Pride and Prejudice, I had to wonder what Jane Austen's sister thought of it. Were any of them recognizable? Not flattering pictures.
You've seen the shit I've gotten for telling even minor anonymous details about them here, under a pseudonym.
I like those stores. A metric shitload more entertaining than Modern Love.
and Buddy Holly glasses are awesome
Mr. B. has Buddy Holly glasses.
181: I routinely get mistaken for a knife-fighter, which is hardly the same thing. The only knife-fighters I've known, however, have been a. male, & b. crazy. If I find any to the contrary, who are also buxom redheads, I will be sure to direct them here.
I think that one reason that people write fiction is to distance themselves from the story. Even then people do object to too much information. But less so.
Ugh, I don't like this conversation. It reminds me that my best-received poem in class was an incredibly detailed poem about my father. "This could be your thing," the professor said. Yes, unpublishable could be my thing.
203: Tell them I recently wrote a brief parody of Borges braiding Chushingura and Fear and Trembling, if that helps.
My best recieved poem in anger management was an incredibly detailed, personal poem about knife-fighting with buxom redheads.
I am filled with shame.
Tastes differ, but I thought that boomer rant of AWB's trumped the personal material considerably; the scorn is great everywhere, but works better on a larger scale: Gogol vs Updike. Not that I'm suggesting that a voice here would translate into fiction easily, or at all, or that seeking a larger audience is worthwhile.
A sex life is but a paltry thing,
A tattered comment on a blog, unless
Novel clap its hands and sing, and louder sing
For every tatter in its mortal dress,
Nor is there writing workshop but reading
Monuments of its own literariness;
And therefore I have sailed the seas and come
To the holy city of Random House.
My best recieved poem in anger management was an incredibly detailed, personal poem about knife-fighting with buxom redheads.
I believe this is a Borges story.
211: yes, I took on the task of writing that Borges story, exactly the same, word for word, so I could better reveal my innermost self.
211: yes, I took on the task of writing that Borges story, exactly the same, word for word, so I could better reveal my innermost self.
"Franz Kafka in Riga" is required reading for everyone who has ever referred to "Pierre Menard".
"Franz Kafka in Riga" is required reading for everyone who has ever referred to "Pierre Menard".
Also, "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" is funny as hell.
Tweety==Martin Fierro?? Fuckin awesome. I'd always thought of you as a gaucho Bakunin.
No, no, AWB, "Affleck" is a synonym for "bland." I mean, all the guys were good looking, obviously, but none really jumped out at me as special.
Javier Bardem is special, though. And the OED lists "affleck" as a synonym for "douche".
Ah. Thanks for clarification. I keep waiting to meet someone who can defend Affleck as sexy, but I haven't met anyone yet.
None of you think Casey is sexy? He has that vulnerability to him.
No, I especially dislike Casey.
Alec Baldwin as Jack Donaghy is special.
211, 212: "...[A]nd beyond each knife-fight between buxom redheads, another knife-fight between buxom redheads, and another, and another, ad infinitum, or so the speculations of the learned sages have come down to us. But Beefo Meaty, in his 'Ben w-lfs-n, Author of the Affleck,' posits a single knife-fight involving but a single redhead, though this knife-fight encompass all knife-fights, and this redhead all redheads. Am I totally blowing your mind?"
211: Nah, except for the poem bit it's a Heinlein story. Wait, no, it's *every* Heinlein story.
Alec Baldwin and Javier Bardem and Peter Sarsgaard are the King, Queen, and Jack of man-lust here, which makes Clooney the Ace?
This bit about Adrian Grenier
He might live a lavish, womanizing life on Entourage, but in the real world, the 31-year-old is much more low-key when it comes to romance
should read
He might live a lavish, womanizing life on Entourage, but in the real world, he successfully seduced the lead singer of a prominent D.C. band to leave her husband, after Grenier saw the act perform in L.A., where the woman's band performed, at a show that was attended by Grenier and the woman's husband's entire family.
223 is a nice try, but the correct response to 216 is, "Really? I'd always thought of him as a gaucho Marx."
But 223 really is nice.
226: by Entourage standards that is pretty low-key.
Clooney I could take or leave. My judgment of male attractiveness is one step up from the dowsing rod, of course, but I'm going with Bardem, MacGregor and Cary Grant.
My judgment of male attractiveness is one step up from the dowsing rod, of course
s/b
"I'm 110% heterosexual!!! Grrr!!"
230: you know I honestly am not that great at it either. I get the sort of main themes, but idiosyncratically attractive men always surprise me.
230: Now that is every Heinlein story.
Am I totally blowing your mind?"
I am convinced that the last sentence of Haugeland's "Pattern and Being" is meant to elicit something like "holy shit you just blew my mind, John" in its readers.
Clooney works too hard to project an image of classic (golden age of the cinema and etc.) classiness. I'm not buying it.
Actually, the most heterosexual thing of all is when dudes claim to find attractive the sort of guy who's good-looking but lacks any sexual presence, or when they claim to dig guys who look as much like themselves as possible.
232: I'm totally 110% heterosexual... IN SPACE! Grr! Slide rules! Grr!
they claim to dig guys who look as much like themselves as possible.
All threads lead back to the clone fucking thread.
236: No free lunches, hippie, but plenty of free love.... [cue the Love Unlimited Orchestra In Space].
There is a fight every week, at the Av 9 de Junio and Hippolita, between one buxom redhead and another. They are the same, some claim while the women cut and thrust, every week. Others shout that they are picked anew from the port from its aimless discharge each Sunday. The women in question persist. They aim their attacks with intent, just as if they had been aiming from the time of Eden, just as if they had always been aiming, on the Avenida, on the Sunday, as a buxom redhead.
239: Downtown Tlön -- bring the kids!
I won't be impressed until somebody writes a buxom-redhead-borges-parody in Spanish.
230: I actually wouldn't mind if I were gay. I'm kind of shit at things like figuring out why George Clooney is sexy and I'm not, and I think being gay would help in that department.
How do you know you're not sexy, FM?
A human being should be 110% heterosexual in space, on earth, at sea, at war, while calculating with slide rules, while field-stripping a rifle, while butchering a hog, while working in a forge, while designing a car, while writing a novel, and while fly-fishing. Specialization is for insects.
I confess, I have no notion of a truly great man that could not be all sorts of men.
What I am talking about. Matt McIrvin weighs in.
246: I don't, and it torments me.
Do people ever find you sexy? It's not like one needs a majority.
Stories like 226 always make me squirm in agony. I of course always identify with the poor sap cuckolded by the celebrity.
Perhaps the worst story was how Larry Ellison plucked his 30-years-younger fourth wife from her fiancee. Or there's Elizabeth Dewberry and Ted Turner:
But in that case Robert Butler was a minor celebrity too, so I can't identify as much.
Dressing in untucked button-down shirts and ill fitting pants could be sexy, and an international conspiracy of well-dressed gnomes is carefully sabotaging my prospects of getting laid, or I could possibly not be sexy. It's indeterminate!
253: My mom says I'd be very handsome if only I'd just shave.
Run your face through some kind of celebrity lookaliker, FM, and tell us what comes up.
Also, whenever I'm not getting laid I think I'm weird and ugly looking, and whenever I'm getting laid I think I'm one dashing motherfucker. Food for thought.
Well, if clothing is all that stands in your way, I'm guessing there's a romantic comedy waiting with your name on it!
Having huffed the methane produced by own feces, I will now have sex with you, mother!
Oh, I'm not pitying myself here. I'm weird, but not ugly. I'm certainly dashing in any case. Re: celebrity: I relaize this does not support my case, but Billy Corgan is the appropriate reference point.
Dressing in untucked button-down shirts and ill fitting pants could be sexy, and an international conspiracy of well-dressed gnomes is carefully sabotaging my prospects of getting laid
Ah, so this is the problem. Fucking gnome conspiracy.
I've always assumed handomeness/prettiness has very little to do with sexiness, but a lot to do with whether you're datable or not. The other night I was opining to Bave and Mike D that I'd probably get laid a lot more if I were either way prettier or way uglier.
This is why I'm not bothered by my lack of a chin. Being smart and funny counts for a lot, and while I'm no great shakes there re:you people, vs. genpop I rock.
I'm kind of shit at things like figuring out why George Clooney is sexy and I'm not
Perhaps the fact that his clothes fit?
And he's rich, and a famous movie star, and legendarily a sex object?
Nah probably the clothes.
263: dude chicks dig beards. Trust me.
Thank you, bitch. That's it exactly.
Clothes make the man, and all that.
265: Yes, but I grow the most ridiculous beard. I still have it, and it looks like either Abe Lincoln in puberty or an Asian Mountain Man. I don't want to turn this thread into Foolishmortal's Beauty Salon, but I'll show you at the next meetup. It's really quite something.
re:clothes that fit: Some chicks dig rejections of fashion. I got flirted with the other day by a college-age girl wearing stripey tights and a faux-cheerleader uniform. The sartorially clueless stick together.
George Clooney dresses too well. There were a number of scenes in Michael Clayton where I actually couldn't concentrate on what he was saying because I kept thinking "Damn. I want to have sex with that shirt."
I was not the only person in my group to express that sentiment as we were leaving the theater. And the other two were men.
stripey tights and a faux-cheerleader uniform
Sorry, that doesn't sound sartorially clueless at all.
The sartorially perverse do, it's true, tend to prey on the sartorially clueless, but often because those are the ones we can reliably cull from the herd.
269: Hey, that was a really nice suit. I stand by my statement.
That was meant to be a reference to this, of course.
Clothes make the man, and all that.
I've never really understood why this saying has the legs it does --- I think it's manifestly untrue except for relatively small peturbations. It doesn't even really work as a saying if you're just noting you can signal money with clothing.
Good clothing is really expensive, but a well-tailored (or even well-chosen) outfit can make a huge difference. When I met Max, he was the sort of unfortunate dresser who had the money to buy nice clothes, but bought everything a size too big and in old-mannish colors. I bought him a few dark sweaters and encouraged him to buy medium-sized shirts, as well as jeans in his actual waist size, and he ended up looking rather studly, and wasn't even spending more.
There were a number of scenes in Michael Clayton where I actually couldn't concentrate on what he was saying because I kept thinking "Damn. I want to have sex with that shirt."
I spent a good deal of time in Children of Men admiring the way the buttons were arranged on Male Lead's nifty future shirt.
270: Well, you're out in hippyland aren't you? Around these parts, that sort of thing screams "student". If you're not in a peacoat, you must be some kind of subversive.
AWB: This thread reminds me that I've been meaning to urge you to write. Apparently, it takes an army of lurkers to hold you back, but that sort of thing could be bypassed with a good pen name. I'm quite serious. I think you convey emotion/state through situation better than any commenter I've read: some of your offhand comments have been quite affecting. If you felt like putting some work into it, I'd give you a better chance than most of getting published.
277-8: That's Clive Owen, and both of you are now gay. I hope you're pleased with yourselves. That was a great movie, if a bit heavy-handed.
276: I didn't mean you have to spend a lot of money. The comment about expensive clothes was just that you can dress in ways that are obviously expensive, but that doesn't `make' you in any sense. Half the time these people don't even look that good, they just look expensive. Which is the point.
And sure, lots of guys (more than girls) don't dress as well as they could. But for most of them, it isn't a huge change, this is what I meant by a perturbation.
But most guys, you move them too far from what they are already used to, and they just look uncomfortable or even slightly clownish. There's a lot of social signaling going on to.
I just think the saying is kind of silly.
269: Aw, thanks! I have been thinking of some print projects, or at least a web magazine. But it seems like something I should at least put off until I finish my oral exams. (sigh) Also, there's the issue, raised by others several times above, of one's most affecting material being that which would give the most pain to the living. I've always said there's a great book to be written after both my parents have died, though I don't wish that day any sooner.
Tailored clothes are so awesome. I wish all of my clothes were tailored. Holy amazing.
"Clothes make the man" is a really old saying isn't it? Maybe it had more meaning in context, like Macbeth's comment about "borrowed robes" meaning something more than that he wasn't wearing his own clothes.
284: It's an old Latin proverb that Shakespeare modified into some dialogue in Hamlet, IIRC.
Tailored clothes do kind of rock, though. Its like you can buy a jedi mind trick to use on management-type interviewers. When I'm rich I'll have one on staff, and I will drolly call him "Cutty".
You'll have a management-type interviewer on staff?
When I go for my big job interviews, I'm going to spend every penny I can muster on a real, actual, tailored suit. I keep trying to get my folks to pony up a bit by saying, "Listen, this is my wedding gown." But that doesn't inspire much serious joy in them.
You know what, though? That's SO sensible. Rite of passage for child should totally = gift of excellent, well-made, long-lasting clothing. Much better than a dress you'll wear once.
Most clothes are inefficient. They should be Taylorised.
290: Something that will last and be used, anyway.
291: Isn't that pretty much how we got to the existence of so much crap clothing?
And for men: a dinner jacket and trousers!
The thing that annoys me is that I know I'd never actually ask for money from my folks because they're not doing great financially. However, if I were getting married, they'd be throwing money at me, taking loans to do it; I'd have to elope to avoid it. They wouldn't be throwing $50K or anything, but they'd be spending money they can't afford to play the role of "bride's parents." But I'm not getting married, as far as I can imagine, and though I think their pockets are grateful, they're annoyed that there isn't something "important" they can help me with at this stage in my life. Getting a tenure-track job doesn't count as important.
294: If they'd use them, not a bad idea. Of course, if this is coming-of-age (21?), better make sure there's lot's of room to have them let out...
295: Efficient production of inefficient clothing.
It doesn't matter how the clothing turns out, as long as the production process is efficient enough to maximize profits.
Maybe I should be a consultant.
299: Doesn't matter to whom? Aren't we talking about the consumption side here?
Or better yet, an lolconsultant. I can has efficiency?
yeah, it's that time of night.
otoh, it is frustrating. It's easy to find crap cheap clothing. It's fairly easy to find good very expensive clothing. It's very easy to find fairly crap medium to expensive clothing that's highly branded.
It often really isn't easy to find decent reasonably priced clothes.
soup you can definitely find places to buy tailored clothes from Hong Kong online. You send them your measurements, they send you thirty dollar shirts.
I have a purple suit I bought at a thrift store that was custom-made in Hong Kong back in the 70s. The jacket fits me very well, but the pants are much too big.
All that is Taylored rips into shreds, all that is hole-y is profaned, and man is at last compelled to face with naked body the real conditions of his life and his relations with his clothes.
My new goal is to meet people at the Russian Baths, where style (aside from body hair maintenance and tattoos) is sort of beside the point. It's really interesting, actually, to meet people without having clothes to make that first impression.
305: Amen. I think this is easier for women, at least in a reasonable-sized city, because you can usually find a shop (or a few shops) that sell locally designed clothes.
I don't know, there are chain stores that sell reasonably decent, if fairly conservative, clothes that aren't massively expensive. Not great if you want to look quirky or original, though.
296: I'm kind of reverse-you on this. I sunk like 50k into my parent's mortgage when my dad was unemployed and I wasn't. Now I'm poor and they feel obliged to pay for my second-rate education. The good news is that when I get dates I can reliably get my mom to cover them with the line, "You do want grandchildren, don't you?" That line is a jackpot: full date-spot restaurants at no cost to me, courtesy of my mom's lust for grandchildren. My mom would shell out zero for a wedding: in her book it's either a sacrament or it's not, and cost is irrelevant.
Once again I am the last man standing. Once again, I must exhort the europeans amongst us to sound their voices. If you don't, I'm going to start talking about frites, and I have a lot to say about frites.
Be careful what you wish for, foolishmortal. It seems we got a Chinese spammer instead of Europeans.
Let's not jump to conclusions, destroyer. Maybe he's just into smooth jazz and anti-semitism.
Wouldn't be the first.
316-17 don't count:
Frites are the definitive snack.
Though they are prepared in circumstances varying from the causal methods of the street vendor to the carefully controlled kitchen of the fritmeister*, Dutch style fried potatoes beat the hell out of Burger King's shit,
"Frites" are,like "fries" deep fried potatoes: the principal factor distinguishing them from American "fries" is the manner in which they are served. A Burger King customer has the option of ketchup or mustard;a purchaser of "frites" can demand curry, super-mayo, or almost thirty awesome things to eat with fries. The super-mayo recipe is closely guarded, and is known internationally as "Frites-saus. It is tasty.
Becks style, sorta, biking across GGP with fellow grad student. Koren BBQ w/ the lab. Twas delicious. No headlight on bike. Sad and happy in alternating moment.s I need to grow up. roommate is funny. Still angsty about life, science. Need a personal life.
Looking back, 317 could be read to imply cattier things than were meant.
There is no subtext, there is only text.
Frites: Tasty you say, but how did they occur? Frites proper are belgian. Belgium is a strange nation; they produce heavenly beer, linguists, serial killers, and good movies. They also provide the most underappreciated cuisine of Europe, long may it continue. One minor innovation of theirs is the frite. Another of Belgiums accomplishments is the development of Mayonaisse, How much do you know of the of La Mayonnaise? Only up to the bit where it goes "Aux armes, citoyens!"? Never mind that, the belgians applied the french emhasis on egg and cream to the root of the enslaved inca and produced tasty! The dutch, pragmatic as they were, proved invulnerable to this cultural invasion. They carried it with them in adulterated form to New Amsterdam, but the original is the best :get your Frites from Antwerp.
I think this should become a nightly lecture series. I, the college student with a drastically shifted sleep schedule, can ask polite questions.
My tactic of boring the presumably existent 4AM/European commentariat into action has proven unfruitful. I can only recommend mr. squared's immediate and flamboyantly extraordinary rendition. To here. Post haste.
323: That's a great idea. I, the delayed college student with a drastically shifted sleep schedule, can provide polite, if tendentious, answers!
P.S. I'm older than you, so I get to tell you what's what.
fm: do you have a night job and are very interested in things belgian or are you a european commenter?
In Taiwan ordinary Chinese used mayo way more than I would have guessed. Fresh bamboo sprout + may was a common snack.
I'm reading the Belgian poet Henri Michaux these days. He hated Belgium but did at one point toy with the idea of writing in Flemish rather than French, and said that at times he would think in Flemish. (His family was francophone, but he was sent to a boarding school in a Flemish-speaking area for several years -- according to him, as punishment.)
The interwar American essayist Albert Jay Nock, most famous for his memoir of alienation, Memoirs of a Superfluous Man, expressed very similar opinions about the comforts and excellencies of Belgium.
You know another delicious Asian application of mayonnaise? Banh Mi. Mmmmm, banh mi. Baguette, ham pate, pickled carrots, cilantro, jalapenos, mayo (and probably some other stuff; I don't ask, I just eat). Fuckin' delicious.
Franco-Vietn cuisine is tasty. There's a Franco-Viet bakery in Portland.
I once had a delicious brown beer stew in Ghent. Mostly though, I like saying Ghent.
Come on, say it aloud.
I didn't quite catch whether you're speaking French with a Flemish accent.
Why the new pseud?
A redirect is fine.
That's apparently the French spelling too.
334 -- I think he's been using "John Emerson" all along.
Which Michaux are you reading, Emerson? I'm very fond of his 1930s-40s prose poems, although I recognise that the later works are probably more commanding. Have you seen his art? There are a lot of people who think of Michaux as a master-drawer who wrote a little poetry on the side.
I'm looking at everything I can get. Especially the second version of "Plume", "l'Espace du Dedans", and "Epreuves, Exorcismes". I also have a biography which puffs up nuggets of fact into conjectural explanations of Michaux. There's also a late book translated as "Tent Posts".
I have a few art books. Only one of them has anything in color, and I'd like to see more of that.
A lot of his stuff doesn't seem to be intended as literary product, but more as reports on self-experiments (travel and drugs).
At DCon I hope to find out whether Armsmasher is into Michaux.
I like the Plume story where he seems to have murdered his wife in his sleep.
Did Michaux do much art in color? I've seen a number of small exhibits, and my memory is that his stuff was almost solely black and white. (Encre de chine, if I recall correctly.)
One thing that a 20th-c French lit professor pointed out was that Michaux never affiliated with any of the various literary movements. So, he did work that falls broadly into the Surrealist mode, but he never played Andre Breton's venomous little games.
Seek out the color stuff. It gives you a whole different view. I've only seen about a dozen reproductions.
Michaux was almost secretive about specific details of his life (not put in his books) and also kept his picture out of the media. He was lucky to have been the childhood or school friend of the publisher Paulhan, so he didn't have to promote and network. He seemed to have had a horror of all kinds of grand public statements and of groups united by statements of principles.
He doesn't seem to have made it across the Atlantic. Partly because his psychedelic writings pleased neither hippies nor straights. He was an austere guy and I suspect that he rebuffed hippieish admirers. It's also hard to sum up his work in a slogan like existentialism or whatever.
I think of him as post-Nietzschean. Most Nietzschean types had the need to dramatize themselves as great souls and wild men, whereas Plume is a loser. But Michaux was dealing with the same death-of-god type situation, without the posturing.
But Michaux was dealing with the same death-of-god type situation, without the posturing.
Camus's characters in Max Weber's world?
Sort of Woody-Allen-ish. I think that he felt that a lot of existentialist types were too full of themselves. He had an active interest in Buddhism, etc., which doesn't show up in the form of citations and references.
296: For good women's suits, cheap, I can't recommend eBay enough. You need to know designers that that fit you in a given size -- like, that an Armani 12 will be very likely to be a good fit. And then you just put in some time doing searches on new suits in your size, and wait till what you want pops up.
Often the eBay people provide measurements. I've only bought a few clothing items on eBay, but I found that if you order a little bigger than you normally wear, it's easy to get it tailored to fit.
I've bought clothes on eBay. "NWT" is a beautiful thing.
Another great thing about eBay is the feedback hyperbole. Great Buyer! Super excellent eBayer!! A++++++ THANKS ALOT!!!
I talk it up because it never would have occurred to me at all if my sister hadn't done it, and it really works nicely at the high end.
The feedback is fun, particularly because there's really nothing distinguishing you can do as a buyer. All the positive feedback comes down to "She paid."
The Wikipedia entry on Michaux describes Plume as "perhaps the most unenterprising hero in the history of literature" &mdash a description which, given, say, Oblomov or the characters of Emmanuel Bove, appears to be the work of an overenthusiastic Michaux fan.
346/347: I've had sellers irritated with me becuase the feedback I left them was "positive" with a description along the lines of "Item as described. Timely shipping." What the hell else am I supposed to say? "AAAA++++++ SUPER EBAYER!!!" seems overkill. But that's what everyone else does, so my comments do sometimes look cold in comparison.
Here is where I'd usually make an intelligent comparison to the problem of grade inflation, but I don't have time at the moment.
NWT is indeed wonderful, especially as it applies to wedding gowns. Though it freaked out my mom & sister a little bit.
349: Man, you don't carry baby pictures around and you're stingy with punctuation in eBay feedback?
You really are lost to all human decency, aren't you.
349: It is rather like grade inflation. Or like the praise inflation that now characterizes letters of recommendation.
What irks me a little is when the seller refuses to leave feedback until I've left feedback. As far as I'm concerned, once I've paid for the item, I've fulfilled my end of the bargain.
I think the problem is the size of the field. It's so short that if you're writing coherent English, you can't get more in than a statement that it was fine. To praise at all, you need to do the A+++++ routine, because it's all that fits.
You really are lost to all human decency, aren't you.
I swear this is LB flirting, and now I recall that LB likes very scrawny guys. Way to try to throw us off the scent ("hostile" "intense" YADDA YADDA), you two.
Yes, ogged, when I said LB was "intense", I left implicit that I meant "intense, IYKWIMAIKYD". I figured you were bright enough to pick up on that, but I guess not.
I just want to lament the state the world's come to when Alex Baldwin can win sexiest anything.
348.---In the short piece I was talking about in 340, Plume eckperiences life in brief snippets between waking up and falling back asleep. At one point he wakes up, and his wife has been murdered alongside him in bed; later he wakes up and the judge is asking him if he has any final statement in his defense. IIRC, he wakes up to hear the sentence (hanging) pronounced against him.
Of course I'm flirting. It's a defensive reaction to being identified as mean and scary.
357: I stand corrected. Bove's characters are action heroes by comparison, if only because they generally get out of bed.
It's a defensive reaction to being identified as mean and scary.
Don't play cyborg with me, missy.
I never said you were mean or scary, LB. Just that lunch with you was "unexpectedly intense", IYKWIM.
Basically I'm just saying I couldn't get rid of my erection.
Bah. I'm vaguely horrified to have typed that.
Don't play cyborg with me, missy.
But I get so little other fun out of life! Other than flirting with commenters in a faux-hurt-feelings kind of way.
There's a paper to be written on the commonalities between kidding around in blog-comments and playing chicken. Occasionally, someone ends up taking the car over the cliff.
So true. You'll note that I didn't respond to 355 because I know Brock has a thing for cliffs.
Nonetheless, I think I get to chalk this round up as a clear win.
The word you're looking for is "fearless", ogged.
I'm just saying I couldn't get rid of my erection.
You should probably see a physician about that.
You know, Populuxe, you're right. It probably burns a lot of calories keeping this monster revved up 24/7, too--maybe that explains the weight loss.
Plume is also repeatedly raped by a group of women and, I think, has to beg them to return his pants to him when they eject him from the room without his wallet. He makes Oblomov look like a hard charger.
In medical circles a heavy spoon is kept handy for whacking down unnecessary erections.
LB, think of yourself as the andogynous mystery girl in one of those French spy movies.
Dude, I lost any claim to androgyny about thirty pounds and a severe haircut ago. I'm probably not more attractive than I was in my early twenties, but I'm way, way, way less ambiguous.
You're always a woman to me, Liz.
Since we're (sort of) back on the topic of lunch the other day, LB, I just thought I'd mention here for posterity something very odd that happened since meeting you: my mental image of you has become totally divorced from reality. Having seen your picture before we met, I had a reasonably accurate mental image of you. Now, having met you, my mental image has been totally thrown off, and the you I now picture in my head looks nothing like the real you. I had a much more true-to-life mental image before we met.
I have no idea how to explain that, and find it completely bizarre. Has this ever happened to anyone else?
Just put some clothes back on the mental image and you'll be fine.
So what you're saying is that the acid I slipped in your soup may have been a mistake.
I wonder if I'm suffering from PTSD? That's the only explanation I can think of.
(No, really: 376 is totally serious.)
You can find good ones cheap on E-Bay, btw.
Some soup has a ridiculously high tolerence for acid, historically (and empirically) speaking.
313: A lot of chains will sell you a perfectly good $50 pair of pants for $125, sure. If you're lucky, it'll be marked down to $80.
Back to the original thread (teh hottness in male form), Jezebel has a much better selection than People (or Slate, for that matter), and is taking votes: http://jezebel.com/gossip/polls/whos-really-the-sexiest-man-alive-323417.php
Just a head's up, ladeeez. I'm still not sure whether I should vote for The Unbearable Hotness of Johnny Depp (omg, been wanting to jump him since 21 Jump Street) and Joaquin "Issues are Hot" Phoenix. Oh, and Hugh "Don't Care if He's Fruity" Jackman is on my list too. Too many good choices there.
Just put some clothes back on the mental image and you'll be fine.
That made me laugh.
now I recall that LB likes very scrawny guys.
Hmm, I had the exact opposite impression.
There is at least one scrawny guy she digs.
Poor guy keeps getting shorter. By unfoggeDCon: Reloaded he'll be 5'1".
which will be about normal for a guy who weighs 135 pounds.
Note also that the weight he has managed to eat himself up to is what I weigh when I am eating well and exercising a lot, and I am about as tall as he is in the link in 386.
Man, you people are tough. It's an inch difference, and both possible heights are enough taller than me that it's not particularly apparent to me which is right.
From the thread in 387: I get all weird about flirting with strange men online.
I'd like to believe this means LB doesn't think I'm strange, but it probably just means her morals have corroded over the last few years.
Also, LB's husband was, when they started dating, taller and thinner than me? Why is she acting like I'm a complete freak. (My complete freakishness notwishstanding.)
392: your little tiny raisin ears.
like I'm a complete freak
We've been meaning to talk to you about that but the timing just hasn't been right. Please let us know when you're certified healthy.
I'm probably the short fat guy around here.
