Re: A question you have never pondered...

1

The tears of a four year old child.


Posted by: Ugh | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 10:53 AM
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2

Stringy. Probably somewhat bitter. You'd have to braise it for a long time and counteract the bitter with a pretty acidic sauce, or something.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 10:54 AM
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3

Stringy.

I guess that goes without saying. You'd probably want to make Gierky rather than Rudy Chops.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 11:02 AM
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4

I don't know, but it can't be healthy at 911 calories per serving.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 11:04 AM
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5

But 911 essential vitamins and minerals!


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 11:06 AM
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6

Also, your dentist recommends you avoid the bits with the titanium pellets.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 11:07 AM
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7

Too many comments have been submitted from you in a short period of time.

I always take this personally.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 11:07 AM
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8

You know, I managed to avoid the "eating" = "blow job" connection, Apo, until you had to go linking to a story about Rudy's prostate. You fucker.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 11:08 AM
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9

I think you might be doing it wrong, B.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 11:09 AM
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10

No wonder her neck gets so sore.


Posted by: ogged | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 11:11 AM
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11

Also, your dentist recommends you avoid the bits with the titanium pellets.

Oh, you just spit those out. Like shot in a piece of venison.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 11:14 AM
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12

Okay then, Populuxe can have the prostate.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 11:15 AM
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13

You know, I managed to avoid the "eating" = "blow job" connection

Ew. Thanks yourself, B. But it would be one way of getting Biden to shut up.


Posted by: Jesus McQueen | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 11:15 AM
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14

one way of getting Biden to shut up

Such an optimist, our Jesus.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 11:20 AM
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15

1938 Berlin, around 11:35pm, fog and dagger.


Posted by: bdr | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 11:22 AM
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16

If you grind Rudy up for chop meat, its called "Ground Zero" but costs $9.11/pound.


Posted by: swampcracker | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 11:24 AM
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17

Tastes like chickenhawk.


Posted by: My Alter Ego | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 11:27 AM
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18

The operative phrase was "eat Rudy Giuliani alive". In that scenario he wouldn't taste much like anything we're familiar with eating, except maybe ortolan.

Biden may have just revealed himself as one of those shape-shifting giant lizards that get all the good jobs.


Posted by: Cryptic Ned | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 11:32 AM
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19

anything we're familiar with eating

Speak for yourself, college boy.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 11:33 AM
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20

18: My guess is something like this.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 11:35 AM
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21

except maybe ortolan

Tee hee!


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 11:35 AM
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22

Yeah, I hear Biden's a talker.


Posted by: bitchphd | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 11:36 AM
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23

Quincy Adams Wagstaff was my childhood role model. Well, him and Indiana Jones.


Posted by: slolernr | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 11:59 AM
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24

I suspect he'd taste like chicken in the exact way that iguana supposedly tastes like chicken.


Posted by: Tom | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 12:02 PM
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25

Because he is, in fact, an iguana?


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 12:03 PM
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26

I could see him actually being an iguana.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 12:04 PM
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27

Do ferrets taste like chicken?


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 12:06 PM
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28

Doubtful. I would think weasels must taste gamey and musky.


Posted by: redfoxtailshrub | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 12:07 PM
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29

Dunno, but ferrets like chicken taste. So, that's close.


Posted by: TJ | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 12:07 PM
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30

I hadn't heard of ortolan- who invents this stuff? That said, it would be really cool to see Biden poke out Rudy's eyes and drown him in Cognac.

The eating of the ortolan has ethical eating groups baying for blood. First, it is caught with a net in the forest. Taken alive, its eyes are poked out and the bird is put in a small cage. It's then force-fed oats, millet and figs until it has swollen to four times its normal size. Then the bird is drowned alive in fine cognac. Then, it's roasted whole, in an oven at high heat, for six to eight minutes. Once it reaches the table, a napkin is placed over the eater's head. The technique of eating the ortolan is to put the whole bird into the mouth, with only the beak protruding. Here sadism mingles with masochism. The first taste as you crunch on the bird is the brandied flesh and fat. Then, the bitterness of the guts follow and finally, as the tiny, delicate bones are being chewed on, they will lacerate the diner's gums, with the salty taste of the bleeding gums mingling with the richness of the fat and the bitterness of the organs. Chewing the ortolan takes approximately 15 minutes.

Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 12:09 PM
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31

I could see him actually being an iguana.

Preposterous. I like iguanas.


Posted by: strasmangelo jones | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 12:10 PM
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32

they will lacerate the diner's gums, with the salty taste of the bleeding gums mingling with the richness of the fat

Much as I like my meat bloody (and I do), the appeal of this escapes me.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 12:11 PM
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33

I hadn't heard of ortolan- who invents this stuff?

The French, of course.


Posted by: teofilo | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 12:14 PM
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34

I don't really see why this man should taste any differently from any other. It's basically like veal. I suppose it depends on the cut.


Posted by: foolishmortal | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 12:17 PM
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35

I assume you all heard the recent This American Life story about eating ortolan? Some journalist was trying to recreate Mitterand's last meal. Anyway, apparently the ortolan represents the soul of France, and was a dish reserved for kings. It's by and large illegal to eat the birds nowadays, seeing as they're endangered.


Posted by: Jackmormon | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 12:20 PM
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30: I read somewhere that one puts the napkin over one's head not only to savor the ortolan's steam, but so that God can't see what you're eating.


Posted by: oudemia | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 12:22 PM
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37

Why do they poke out the eyes? For kicks?


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 12:23 PM
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38

The description in 30 sounds silly to me -- I don't believe the bit about lacerating your gums.


Posted by: LizardBreath | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 12:23 PM
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39

The lacerated gums effect can be roughly replicated with Cap'n Crunch. Mmm, bloody milk.


Posted by: jms | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 12:24 PM
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36- I don't know what God the French worship, but mine can definitely see though a friggin' napkin. No wonder they're so weak.


Posted by: SP | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 12:26 PM
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41

Long pig


Posted by: OneFatEnglishman | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 12:28 PM
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42

Populuxe can have the prostate.

I'm doubtful that Rudy even has a prostate--it's probably just one big gizzard.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 12:34 PM
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43

You really don't hear much about gizzard cancer.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 12:37 PM
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44

Which is a shame.


Posted by: Populuxe | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 12:39 PM
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45

You really don't hear much about gizzard cancer.

Birds have terrible HMOs and no alt-weekly has broken the story yet.


Posted by: Po-Mo Polymath | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 12:39 PM
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46

Birds have terrible HMOs

Mostly fly-by-night organizations.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 12:41 PM
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47

46. You really want to take credit for that?


Posted by: Tassled Loafered Leech | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 12:45 PM
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48

Does anyone cook gall bladders? I have reason to believe RG is very well-endowed in that area.


Posted by: Minivet | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 12:46 PM
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49

I'm not a proud man, TLL.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 12:47 PM
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30: That's disgusting, and I have a pretty high threshold of disgust when it comes to food. (For example, I'd kinda like to try canard à la presse)


Posted by: Knecht Ruprecht | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 12:55 PM
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51

13: one way of getting Biden to shut up
14:Such an optimist, ...

Yes, particularly since we have the counterexample of Joe Lieberman not shutting up while similarly "eating" Cheney all the way through 2000 VP debate.


Posted by: JP Stormcrow | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 12:59 PM
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52

I've never been so afraid to click a link in my life.


Posted by: Thomas Allen | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 2:56 PM
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53

And yet it was utterly benign compared to, say, the stuff Becks sends me.


Posted by: apostropher | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 6:37 PM
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54

The God of the French can see through a napkin if He wants to of course, but He is too polite to do so.

Rudy, eaten very recently alive, would taste like veal marinated in kerosene. Do you remember the end of Apocalypse Now where they butcher a buffalo with machetes?


Posted by: W. Kiernan | Link to this comment | 12- 4-07 7:15 PM
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55

Giulianimeat is served Vienna Sausage style, and is made from sawdust, Polident, Bernie Kerik's bellybutton lint, Preparation H, and bootleg Viagra.


Posted by: Not Judith | Link to this comment | 12- 5-07 10:40 AM
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