Women's smooth, plump, hairless bodies give an unfair advantage in the water, and erections produce a lot of drage.
I am sickly and behind the times. Is this the lifeguard who thought you were her roommates Persian friend? Or a new one?
It's a different, bass-playing, age-appropriate lifeguard.
Sorry you're sick, Ile.
This post is clearly coming down. Why should I comment?
First of all, live in the moment, w/d. Second of all, she's not going to find the blog and won't care if she does, so it's not coming down.
Live in the moment, WD. What are you, a Platonist or something?
she's not going to find the blog and won't care if she does,
And my big brother could beat up your big brother...
Emerson and ogged grow more similar by the day, apparently.
oh bp = bass playing. gotit.
well, tonight i find out if the girl I've been kinda sorta seeing is into me and was just really busy, or wanted to let me down easy. good thing work isn't stressful. at all.
She came in around 1:10
That's a lot worse than the 7.3 minute average.
...if a girl beats a boy at something physical, the boy's chances of scoring that booty (yeah, I said "scoring that booty") plummet.
But if you let them beat you at chess (e.g., by not being any good at chess), they'll pity your brute stupidity and then you're in like sin.
/|
Language Log discovers the biscuit conditional?
if a girl beats a boy at something physical, the boy's chances of scoring that booty (yeah, I said "scoring that booty") plummet
This seems false to me, conditioning on the boy not being an ass about it both before and after he loses.
if a girl beats a boy at something physical, the boy's girl's chances of scoring that booty (yeah, I said "scoring that booty") plummet.
I'm trying to come up with something witty to say involving "breaststroke." Um....
How about we pretend I put it in italics, then underneath say, "I guess she didn't 'experiment' in college, then."
15: I wondered that, though they seem to be focusing on a different aspect of that kind of statement. Should we prepare a statement?
I would agree with 16, and with 17. Odds are (assuming she was interested), she's now wondering if she's scared you off.
...if a girl beats a boy at something physical, the boy's chances of scoring that booty (yeah, I said "scoring that booty") plummet.
I dunno. You could be really lucky and she turns out to be one of those domineering types. Like say Barbara Stanwyck (though hopefully a few years younger though you clearly are attracted to older women). But if you can directions and like women who sometimes are rough with you, you could be in for a great time.
Cause you could be like, I know what I could beat you at, and I've never even done it before... and when it's over, you'll be smoking, she'll be crying, and you can be all "What??? I told you I was going to beat you to the finish."
sorry. had to.
but thanks for the good luck wishes. I haven't got my hopes up.
Even when I did swim competitively, I considered 100s a distance event.
So far she's sounding pretty awesome, so I would hope if she found the blog hopefully that will offset the part where she realizes that a few hundred of your clsoest imaginary friends are discussing her.
A lot of lady athletes are attracted to closeted gays.
7/5 on and dropping that she's found it already.
17 is so, so right. When my first true love proved to be a far, far better distance runner than I was, she loved me for still desiring her. Also, this is what you do instead of saving the world? For shame. I hope you at least biked to the pool.
26 should be the occasion for nominating Emerson for a Commenting Lifetime Achievement Award.
Hope it goes well, tweedle -- just don't lead in with the line from 23.
32: That was for Ogged.
31: Let's race a 2.4 miler.
Come on, she obviously felt bad after the 100 and let him win the 50.
Anything over 50 isn't racing, it's attritting. Let's attrit a 500, you mean. Sorry, I don't attrit.
in like sin.
Intriguing.
I bet she's found it, and told ogged, and he's just messing with us.
1:10! that's pretty quick. is the udc2.0 swim meet still happening?
Look, Robust was right in the other thread: even if she finds it, she'll be all "Oh, that's cool in a totally geeky and boring way," look at it for twenty seconds, maybe read the About Ogged page, and that'll be that.
is the udc2.0 swim meet still happening?
I haven't heard anything about it. That's Will's baby.
Or she'll start commenting here and Unfogged: The Completely Bizarre Age will begin.
You live in a rich, full, fantasy world, Ogged.
She let you win. It's an invitation.
Fortunately Ogged redacted the comparative thread, "All the vaginas I've loved before." Small-minded people found it icky.
There are many kinds of people in the world, LB.
'ooty?
Oh, honey. You'd better hope she never finds this place.
You know what I hate? I hate students who cheat with the aim of getting a high D or low C.
maybe read the About Ogged page, and that'll be that
Wouls she have reason to think "ogged" was you?
If the laps won't quit, you must attrit.
Wouls she have reason to think "ogged" was you?
Huh, good point.
49: Well, if she read all the "about" pages, she could figure out which ones he wasn't.
Although I guess given that "Becks" could be a man-pseudonym (mandonym?), and that Becks' "About Becks" says something about sucking on Alameida's rosy toes, he could be Becks.
I have literally no clue how competitive swimming works. When you say you swim "100s" and "50s", are we talking meters or miles? And is "1:10" seventy seconds or seventy minutes?
110 miles in seventy minutes sounds impressive to me. But like I said, I don't know much about swimming.
Yards and seconds, Brock. Sometimes meters.
'Cause the other options (according to the about pages) are married (unf), lives in philadelphia(bob), is an academic (FL) is a woman (LB), is a woman (Tia), is incomprehensible (w-lfs-n), married (apo).
Oh, philidelphia. But he could be lying. That bastard.
Three pair of pants (Unf), lives in Philadelphia (bob), and it never rains but it pours (FL).
She came in around 1:10 and beat me by two lengths.
No problem, that's within SESD. (Steroid Enhancement Striking Distance) Of course she might escalate by taking them as well.
59: as a bonus, the enhancement will decrease the genitalia and the drag they create.
I'd never raced a 100 before, and it's surprising how much room there is for strategy in even such a short race. Not to mention the need to establish a sane breathing pattern, which I failed to do.
Also provided he doesn't take them down his latest posts about dating a bass playing lifeguard might be a tipoff.
No excuses, ogged.
Oh, I would have lost anyway, I'm just remarkin'.
This is all an elaborate cover to hide the fact that he's dating Bitch PhD.
100 is the one true race. the very good can use the "as fast as you can the whole way" strategy, but for the rest of us there's room for mind games.
breathe every three or four as long as you can, then finish it by any means necessary.
Unfogged is not just the top three but the ONLY three hits on Google for "bass-playing lifeguard."
Oh, are you screwed. (And not in a good way, either.)
The lifeguard on deck said I was mostly breathing every four, but every nine going in and coming out of the turns. I was a bit gassed by 75 and just put my head down for the last 25, but I couldn't catch her. I think it's probably true that the 100 is the one true race: speed and stamina; but I'm sticking to the fifties, and breaststroke at that.
Why in the world would she look up bass-playing lifeguard? (Not to mention that she has no internet connection at home, and seems to be either at work or at a club the entire rest of the time.)
If ogged wants the 50 and will the 100, there will be no race in DC. Drat.
69: Peak anaerobic performance can be maintained by the very fit for up to 45-50 seconds. Makes the 100 yd/meter swims and 400 yd/meter runs quite "special" if you can get under those times.
Oh, I'll race a 100; I'm kind of fascinated by the strategy now. But Will said he didn't want to race, just work out.
71 is exactly right. The 100m swim/400m run is the right comparison. The 100m freestyle record is just under 48 seconds (long course).
I'll race with anyone. I'd like to get tips from Will too.
Ogged, what's your breathing pattern? I like the 2-3-2-3 pattern, but then again, I never stop at 100.
The lifeguard on deck said I was mostly breathing every four, but every nine going in and coming out of the turns. I was a bit gassed by 75 and just put my head down for the last 25, but I couldn't catch her. I think it's probably true that the 100 is the one true race: speed and stamina; but I'm sticking to the fifties, and breaststroke at that.
200 im is the second true race; 50 breaststroke only counts as part of a relay. as for turns, those are the most important times not to breathe so you need to breathe a little more between the walls to get out of oxygen debt. maybe try every three next time?
I don't have a pattern, exactly. That's the problem. Well, that and the fact that even when I turn my head, I don't always remember to inhale. You can see why I like the fifties.
50 breaststroke only counts as part of a relay
Gratuitous meanness, moccasin. It's a technical stroke; I think of it as mastering something like a golf swing.
No. Technical is the butterfly. Breaststroke (which was the only thing I was ever good at) is for lazy people who want to breath on every stroke.
breaststroke is also good for people with serious neuroses and other signs of mental instability. i always felt that it required bigger lungs than any other stroke because you have to spend so much time on the underwater pullouts.
not out of any meanness toward breastrokers, some of my best friends swam it.
Nah, butterfly is a rhythm stroke (and Phelps breathes every stroke when he swims it).
Have we chased everyone else away? Swim talk it up!
Let's race a 500, ogged.
But Slol, if you win he won't sleep with you; and if he wins, you won't sleep with him.
boys beat girls at physical stuff, and, perhaps infinitesimally more controversially, if a girl beats a boy at something physical, the boy's chances of scoring that booty
Mr. B. once scored by telling a woman Marine that the reason Air Force guys are so fat is because they need something to survive on until the Marine chicks come and rescue them.
you have to spend so much time on the underwater pullouts
God, I hate that. I just swam all out for a length so I get to...hold my breath!
Funny thing: After our hundred race, the regulars were laughing at me as I gasped for air and I said "This sucks" and they said "When you think it sucks, you're a real swimmer."
78: Butterfly is for insane physical freaks whose shoulder blades can fold together like some kind of insect. (Not sure what kind - I have no physical imagination.) My theory is the day will come when the 50 freestyle record will be held by someone swimming butterfly.
Why in the world would she look up bass-playing lifeguard?
Because every time you say "she's never going to find this," her odds of suddenly wanting to Google "bass-playing lifeguard" double. At this point they're approaching 1.
Rank primitive superstition, Magpie. She's never going to find this.
her odds of suddenly wanting to Google "bass-playing lifeguard" double. At this point they're approaching 1.
"approaching 1" isn't really the right phrase to use to describe the progress of iterated doubling. That is not exactly an asymptotic situation.
I forgot. Backstoke... for complete ninnies.
But Slol, if you win he won't sleep with you; and if he wins, you won't sleep with him.
Sounds like a win-win!
Redact this motherfucking swimming thread! She just likes to swim, she doesn't want to be bored to death by people she suspects are making smutty comments about her ass.
Or else return to making smutty comments, but Jesus, no mas!
83: You have to admit that at some level competitive swimming in pools (and what you have to do to be good at it) is really pretty fucked up.
And depending how you look at it, it is either the absolute best or worst sport for head cases.
92/91: no more so than any other competitive sport, for appropriate values of "good at it".
Head down in a chemical soup - hours a day... that is what ultimately got to me.
Really it has a lot of goodness too (non-impact etc.) but I do notice that a lot of ex-swimmers can barely tolerate pools - they cease to be a place where one could imagine relxing and having fun.
But 93 is actually pretty right. I sometimes just have these spasms of retroactive hate-ons for many lost hours. (And Morning Practice in Northern winters.)
Swimming has always seemed to me a better sport than most--whole body workout, cardio blah blah, plus, you know, it's actually a skill that's useful in and of itself.
Ah. Yeah, chlorine pools are kind of cruddy. I wish the local CC pool were saltwater.
The pool I swim at is actually ozonated and only lightly chlorinated, which is great, and which I really notice when I swim anywhere else, where I can practically feel the chlorine gas escaping from the water.
I will also add that too many hours of working around pools: lifeguarding, coaching, "skimming", putting lane lines in and out, cleaning filters, doing the chemicals, crawling around the filter room, etc. can also detract from the "fun" of pools in later years.
Not to mention the higher incidence of asthma in people who've spent a lot of time in/around indoor pools.
This is probably the place to note that Kobe swims the 100 in 10 seconds.
she has no internet connection at home
I think we all know how this is going to end. Well, that this is going to end.
101 - Yep. She's going to start sleeping with Ogged for his internet connection.
Be used, Ogged!
Be used
I love this as a potential way of saying good-bye.
I don't even own an internet connection.
I love this as a potential way of saying good-bye.
Be used to each other.
104: No base players for you, then.
Thanks Ogged, and for the clariifcation. Not that my opinion matters, but I am all in favor of bass players.
This summer I started taking swimming lessons at the Y, partially inspired by ogged (awwww), but the chlorine was really bothering my sinuses. Not as much as the bacteria are bothering them now. I should look for a saltwater pool. . .that sounds kinda nice. Wouldn't be more buoyant too?
It would be more buoyant, but I don't know of any saltwater (or ozonated) pools in the bay area. Surprising.
And thus it was that Johnny Oggedlsalt found his mission in life.
What, no recumbent dealers and no saltwater pools? The Bay Area is so over.
I don't know. I spar women a lot. If someone lands a solid punch, it's cool. Not really in a flirtatious way, but close competition is more fun.
If I was on the dating market, it certainly wouldn't put me off.
It would be more buoyant, but I don't know of any saltwater (or ozonated) pools in the bay area. Surprising.
If only there were a large body of saltwater somewhere nearby.
112: Isn't it full of oil right now, though? I guess that would make for extra resistance.
Ogged: man up!
Wait a minute, ogged, I just now read this:
beat me by two lengths
It took you 1:10 to swim a 50? Man, you *are* slow.
Three hours later you resort to the deliberate misunderstanding maneuver, slol? Why not just throw rotten tomatoes?
No, this is a real misunderstanding. A 100 is four lengths, isn't it? She beat you by two lengths? She finished at 1:10? Therefore it took you 1:10 to swim two lengths? What have I got wrong?
If I was on the dating market, it certainly wouldn't put me off.
I think AWB is right that there are guys who will be put off by a woman who beats them, but there are also a lot of guys who think it's hot. But I'm sticking to the claim that it's always bad for the guy to be beaten.
No, this is a real misunderstanding.
In that case, you're banned so that you don't hurt yourself with that keyboard thingy. Two body lengths, man.
Oh. I think I'll go have a drink to inaugurate my bannination.
What's with the elided "b" in the final instance of "booty" in the post? Is it some obnoxious California thing, like "natch"?
little trout
swimming west while blossoms
flow east
(Issa)
Is it some obnoxious California thing, like "natch"?
With an elided "s", presumably.
slolernr, slolernr, bo-bolernr,
bannination no-nolernr
Fee-fi-mo-molerner
'olernr!
I think AWB is right that there are guys who will be put off by a woman who beats them, but there are also a lot of guys who think it's hot.I think AWB is right that there are guys who will be put off by a woman who beats them, but there are also a lot of guys who think it's hot.
Sadomasochism being, while somewhat more common than I Don't Pay has been led to believe, still not totally ubiquitous.
It's great that ogged is finally dating, of course, but I worry about its impact on Unfogged. Already he sounds happier, more relaxed...if he begins to affect the breezy tones of a devil-may-care optimist, it will be the end of this blog.
if he begins to affect the breezy tones of a devil-may-care optimist gets laid, it will be the end of this blog
Fixed.
I'm sure he'll find some way to autocockblock before things get to that point.
Good point. From the expert. [/ducks]
I contribute my expert advice freely, for the good of the blog.
What's with the elided "b" in the final instance of "booty" in the post?
I actually have several strong possibilities right now, most of which I have not yet mentioned here. I'm sure I'll figure out ways to autocockblock my way out of all of them, of course.
"Natch" is a Californianism? Seriously?
133: [s] and [b] are pretty different sounds, 'ro.
"Natch" is a Californianism?
I don't know it to be specifically Californian. That's just Kotsko's wintertime affective mood disorder resentment talking.
I return briefly to relate a goofy swimming story of my own:
Today in an ordinary public place full of people I ran into a woman who previously I have only ever seen in the pool. We work out at about the same time and swim similar sets, but have rarely exchanged more than a nod. So of course it took me a second to recognize her and vice versa. And of course, loudly and in complete unthinking innocence: "Gosh, I didn't recognize you with your clothes on."
136: Don't 'other him now, teo. He's trying to 'ang some 'ass player.
That's just Kotsko's wintertime affective mood disorder resentment talking.
Kotsko would make a great recipient of the mix I'm working on now (tentative title: Ain't No Cure for the Wintertime Blues).
I'll 'other him whenever I damn well please.
He's trying to 'ang some 'ass player.
You mean Labs, right?
"Gosh, I didn't recognize you with your clothes on."
There's a cute old yiddish dude at the pool who says this to everyone and slays himself every time.
"yiddish dude"
Further to 142: Labs' col legno technique is storied throughout the land.
I've heard Labs could beat ogged by two lengths.
Just wait until Labs moves into thumb position.
Labs likes to use rosin instead of lube for extra tightness.
It's all fun and games till Labs hits the brown note.
His fingering isn't so great but he can hammer on with the best of them.
hmmm... appears i may have acb'd myself... no call from the girl tonight... i hate gut feels.
OT: Teo, are you still here? If so, let me know if you're interested in talking to planners about what the work is like.
Likewise, Teo. I can put you in touch with a couple of planners here.
Thanks, guys. I don't think I'm quite at the point of talking to planners about the work yet, but I'll keep your offers in mind for when I am.
I can't hear/read "natch" without thinking of Le Trente-Huit Cunegonde. This doesn't reflect well on the person using it.
When the lifeguard finds this place, it'll be like that scene in Psycho where they find his mom in the basement.
Or just that she'll be appalled by ogged's lack of skill at taxidermy?
Re: 162
Either that, or he's finally been accepted into the Legion of Substitute Heroes. This, as you know, requires the signature of their leader, Polar Boy (aka Brek Bannin).
is the udc2.0 swim meet still happening?
So much to do. So little time. I'll swim/race/coach if I can get there early or maybe the next morning if I spend the night. Bring your suits if you want. If we can get in a pool and anyone is interested, I would happily spend some time helping people with their strokes.
I'm still not sure what the plan is. The gf may come or her college girls may be gathering here.
I had hoped to take the Armsmasher art tour, but I suspect that he isnt really serious. (After all, I never received my cd.)
i'm interested in the art tour too, but if threads are this intimidating i can't imagine myself entering into a room full of strangers
well, i can read Armsmasher's blog anytime
i'm interested in the art tour too, but if threads are this intimidating i can't imagine myself entering into a room full of strangers
read, my understanding is the only thing to fear is Bitch or Apo licking your cheek.
But, I could be wrong.
read, it takes some getting used to, but the teasing around here is (mostly) a sign of affection.
the only thing to fear is Bitch or Apo licking your cheek
I promise I'll behave. Through the first four beers.
well. i would have loved to fool around a little longer
but you people were really inquisitive
and guessed who i am pretty quickly
now, shigoto shigoto
So you're safe from apo for about 15 minutes or so.
I had hoped to take the Armsmasher art tour, but I suspect that he isnt really serious.
I'd thought that you of all people would understand my fear of commitment.
The art tour is on! But it's difficult to plot with everyone's schedules, which I only vaguely appreciate. Maybe the best thing to do is to put up a post saying when I'll be going to what museums and galleries, and for whoever would like to come along: get on the bus. It's a nice time to see shows, since everyone is out of town, so I'm planning to hit almost all these places anyway.
I'm only going to hit up the Kreeger, though, if sufficient interest warrants renting a Zipcar (or if someone in town who wants to go has a car). I really wish that I could take everyone to the Glenstone, but I must humbly admit that I have yet to score an invitation myself, and probably never well, because M/tch Ral3s scorns the press.
i'm interested in the art tour too, but if threads are this intimidating
You should only feel physically intimidated by the prospect of the tour. I mean, check the pseud.
She came in around 1:10 and beat me by two lengths.
17 is crazy. I can't be the only one who thinks this is totally hot.
OT: I'm worried my school is about to be sieged by conservatives.
I was curious, so I Googled "Unfoggedcon*". Over 400 results. I had expected many fewer. Seems to be a bunch of bots out there sucking up info and reposting it. Still, it is very obscure.
How do you get 400 results? I get 39.
I get 425, 429 with the asterisk at the end.
The search I used was "unfoggedcon*" (all in quotes). It gets me 429 results. But even without the wildcard I get 425.
Some of the links are already dead, like the one for this taggregator: realcountyestate.org/tags/com-florida
(the florida avenue flophouse got keyed there.)
But this link is still good: myFeedz.
Weird world.
re: 173
There are definitely blokes out there who get intimidated. But, if you are already an arrogant bastard someone confident on yourself, then, yeah, it can be totally hot.
shite, strikethrough didn't work. Rendering that comment meaningless.
Should have read:
There are definitely blokes out there who get intimidated. But, if you are alreadyan arrogant bastardsomeone confident in yourself, then, yeah, it can be totally hot.
Ah, ok, I wasn't seeing the hidden results. 421 now. But if you add -site:unfogged.com, it drops back down to twenty-something.
Funny, I thought of the word taggregator while trying to describe those sites. I even puzzled over the "right" way to spell it (one G or two?). After posting it I wondered, how many other folks have thought of that coinage? Yup, thousands of hits and the preferred spelling matches my intuitions. Nothing new under the sun even when it is new.
When I eliminate this site, I get 233 results. Hmm.
Sorry, me too, I was forgetting to show hidden results again.
Maybe the best thing to do is to put up a post saying when I'll be going to what museums and galleries, and for whoever would like to come along: get on the bus.
I think that's a great idea. Will the post be here on your blog?
My other explanation was that you had pissed off the Great and Powerful Wizard of Google.
Oops, left out an "or" after "here" in 185.
I'd thought that you of all people would understand my fear of commitment.
I do and I appreciate it.
OT: As we type, my son is wearing a burnt orange hat with a picture of horns on it. Should I be concerned?
Hey Will, have you checked out this site?
And you all should be watching the Stranahan clips in the new post.
OT: As we type, my son is wearing a burnt orange hat with a picture of horns on it. Should I be concerned?
My understanding is that the Longhorns have very nice swimming facilities.
And you all should be watching the Stranahan clips in the new post.
I watched them. They're good. I just enjoy seeing your post languish without any comments.
i think bpl sounds awesome. please don't autocockblock, ogged. you told her about the site; have you told her you're going to a massive party in celebration of it in between christmas and new years?
Damn. Rob ruined it.
Way to bring down the site, helpy-chalk.
Having bpl hanging around at UnfoggeDCon II: The Chamberpot of Secrets would totally interfere with ogged's plans to put the moves on you, catherine.
18: what, that he's got the devil in him?
194: Well, the devil has been known to lead people into experimentation in college, I guess.
Ogged is properly modest. He wouldn't say he is having a party when you folks on Florida Avenue are the hosts. Also, what M/th said.
I rushed 193. Perhaps "The Chamber of Secret Identities" would have been better.
Or "The Closet of Secrets".
Or something.
M/th s/b M/tch. Drop one letter and others fall too.
And perhaps this should have been "Electric Blogaloo".
Ah well, hindsight is 20/400.
I suspect the only person I'll lick this year will be the boyfriend. Maybe leblanc.
My understanding is that the Longhorns have very nice swimming facilities.
Buried in some drawer, I have a University of Texas Swimming workout shirt that says "Cheat on your girlfriend, not on your workout."
Ogged, the first video is from University of Arizona where i trained one summer.
"Kickin it in Arizona" I was easily the slowest kicker there that summer.
201: I think it would be nifty if you started referring to him as "PB".
204: I'll see if he's okay with that plan. He actually wouldn't care if I used his name.
While you're at it, ask him if you can post the pictures of you licking him that you are going to take at UnfoggeDCon.
205: But just think of all the potential sandwich and Reese's jokes!
I'm willing to bet that it will actually be someone else taking the pictures, rob.
209: It seems rather caddish of you to post the pictures without first asking his permission, B.
He's used to my utter disdain for his privacy.
re: 69 & 86
stranger things have happened, ogged.
I'm going to come out to Cali and party with nosandals and BPL.
218: you can still have sex with teo, tweedle.
...if a girl beats a boy at something physical, the boy's chances of scoring that booty (yeah, I said "scoring that booty") plummet.
Ogged, do you, like, not watch any Woody Allen at all?! Just tell her to "say something nice", or "as Balzac said, here goes another novel", or "the body does not lie", or "if I ever knew I'll date a girl that uses phrases like la di da", and you're back in.
In general, unless you are supremely athletic, it's much better to completely lose at physical stuff than to beat her by a hair length, if you can spin it right. You're constructing a proper gender-f*c|< relationship,and isn't that what men want nowadays, anyway? (rhetorical question).
219/220: yeah, um... not so much.