I don't believe you. The boy's line is a little too similar to one we've heard before.
Any indication that this could have been Friedman's taxi driver or ogged's swimming mate?
And then he'll open a dog rescue. Sister, please.
I have no idea what he could be meaning, either. Probably, " 'ooty?"
Someone saw The Advocate too many times.
Don't knock the mental whateverness! If you got it, you got it!
Gary Francione at Rutgers started the Animal Rights Law Clinic there -- but that isn't really a "firm helping needy helpless animals."
Maybe he'll be the successor to Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law.
A different approach, overheard from another first date: "Your brother is thinking of law school but is wondering if it's worth applying? Well your brother is a white American guy, so he's right to wonder. I mean, I am a white American guy and I got into law school, but still."
I think the moral here is clearly "don't date law students."
He'll want to read up closely on this book.
Some of my best friends are lawyers!
Worth pointing out that I didn't date them, maybe.
Well the one nice thing about representing animals is that you don't have to keep reminding them to assert their right to silence...
Any clarification on tone? Could be a good joke if deadpanned properly.
14: The drawback being that, as your clients, it's unethical to fuck them.
I swear to god I know who this is. A guy I knew left Austin to go to law school at William and Mary, and currently should be in his second year. He was stupidly, aggravatingly over the top about animal rights. Bemoaning the poor vegetables we eat. Wanting to go to law school to save the animals. And yet, he also was an unreformable gigolo who hit on every girl who walked by.
Ask the Mineshaft:
I recently was talking to the daughter of my mother's first fiance. World War II made their marriage impossible, and each of them married someone else and had several children, including me and the woman I was talking to.
Our problem is that if our parents had married each other as they had originally planned, neither one of us would ever have been born. That was a sort of Zen revelation, but then we also realized that without Hitler we wouldn't exist, and that the two of us were among the last consequences of the Nazi terror.
Our question is, WTF?
the two of us were among the last consequences of the Nazi terror
This is the bit that doesn't follow from the rest.
17: I suppose the question then is, what was Becks doing in Williamsburg today?
the two of us were among the last consequences of the Nazi terror
Fixed?
18: If my maternal grandfather hadn't died when he did, my parents wouldn't have met and I would never have been born. Not quite as world-historical, but the same sort of thing.
20: Maybe she went on a field trip?
If my parents hadn't had sex, I wouldn't be commenting right here, right now.
I hope this line is on the first-day handouts in some pick-up artist's class. It's sheer genius.
Ugh, Heebie, no one wants to think about your parents having sex.
24: What would you be doing instead?
To address some of your comments: yes, this is laughably similar to the dog rescue guy, which is one of the reasons I thought it was so hilarious.
And I doubt he's some crazy animal rights type. He was eating meat.
And he seemed earnest to the point that he really meant it if it would get him laid.
without Hitler we wouldn't exist
This line is true of pretty much the entire modern world. In the parents-hook-up sense, it's got to be true of tens if not hundreds of millions of people -- most of the people born in the state of Israel since the 40s, to start with. Russia and Germany were also a little disrupted by the war.
After he burns out defending the poor, tired, and huddled mastiffs, he'll go into estate law.
And I doubt he's some crazy animal rights type. He was eating meat.
Then it is not the guy I know. Who once lamented not being able to live off dirt and minerals, because of the poor plants. I swear to god, he was sincere.
24: What would you be doing instead?
Sexing my parents!
It just make me feel creepy to think that I'm sort of like the invasion of Poland etc. Jonah Goldberg is getting to me, I think.
lamented not being able to live off dirt and minerals
He should have tried all the same.
There are religious cultists who only eat fruit and nuts that fall naturally from trees.
As if that would erase the stigma of being an outcome of fascism. One of the less-horrible outcomes, to be sure, but nonetheless. Not eating meat wouldn't help much, really.
If my parents hadn't had sex, I wouldn't be commenting right here, right now.
No, you could have been born from a toilet seat or a swimming pool.
I worked for a judge when I was a law student, and we had a case about whether rats, mice and birds were covered by the Federal Laboratory Animal Welfare Act: the key question is whether they are "animals." But the threshold question was whether an advocacy group had standing to sue. My judge said yes, 760 F. Supp. 923, but the circuit said no. 23 F.3d 496.
I can go for months and months without having anything at all other than a cup of tea.
That may be the weirdest crackpot statement I've ever seen. What's with the tea exemption?
I want to work at Goldman Sachs, I'm thinking of getting into kitten futures maybe.
Maybe some day I'd like to do portfolio management for high-net-worth puppies or songbirds.
It's no big deal or anything, I guess maybe I'm just sensitive like that.
Several interviewers found her house full of food, but she claimed the food was for her husband.
Ha!
For your amusement, A Bit of Fry & Laurie a la Uri Geller.
That district court opinion (the first link in 40) is funny to read -- I wrote it coming out the other way first.
If rats and mice are not animals, our utility setoff orgasms will become invalid. I believe that we should join the case.
And yet, he also was an unreformable gigolo who hit on every girl who walked by.
"Hey beautiful, wanna buy me a suit?"
18: surely the two of you should have babies, thus recombining the energy streams or something. If a strange kid suddenly arrives in the neighbourhood, making all sorts of pop culture references that don't seem to make any sense with a wry, off-hand air, and seemingly aware of major local news events before they happen, then you should definitely do this.
He could get a job in West Hollywood, where we are no longer "pet owners" - we are now "animal guardians". I'm waiting for it to become a crime to forget to water one's houseplants.
I'm not sure she has a uterus any more.
You have to question her judgment if she is dating a law student.
Maybe some day I'd like to do portfolio management for high-net-worth puppies or songbirds.
Here is a potential client for you.
42 is completely hilarious.
the key question is whether they are "animals."
What were they supposed to be? Rocks?
If I were smarter I'd be able to come up with a joke involving "Roc."
52: I was thinking of something a bit more adorable, maybe with bigger and rounder and more soulful eyes.
But thanks anyway I suppose.
With all the dogs and cats living together these days, maybe he should practice divorce law.
55: OT, but you reminded me of a joke:
A married couple are having a fight in bar. As they loudly bicker at one another, a gay man sitting a few seats down from them leans over to his partner and whispers, "I told you these mixed marriages never work out."
54: I was thinking of something a bit more adorable, maybe with bigger and rounder and more soulful eyes tits.
Fixed. (So to speak.)
32: After he burns out defending the poor, tired, and huddled mastiffs, he'll go into estate law.
Maybe he could help with the clause I have to draft for a will, wherein our client wants to leave money for the maintenance of his ex-wife's dog. My trusty precedents are not helping me on this one.
I suspect that if he was intending to open anything, it was the thighs of the girl sitting opposite him...
42 wins the thread. Everybody knows I-banking is better than law anyway.
58: I thought that pets weren't allowed to be beneficiaries of trusts, since they're not persons.