Because this is a friend of the blog, we won't make fun of the way his moniker suggests the Men Seeking Men column of the local personals. Instead we will open the floor to helpful suggestions.
Surely we can do both?
Wrongshore, Panamas might work, but not with most suits, most times of the year. Unless you live pretty (climatalogically) close to Panama, I guess.
So.... granting that all available alternatives will make me look like a tool, which would make me look least toolish?
You are a jackass. Just go buy a Tilley hat or an Outback/Barmah style one. Or, if you think you can carry it off, or are living in the non-Cali West, a Bailey or Rodeo King type cowboy hat.
Ah, I hadn't seen the "must wear with a suit" thing. So scratch the casual recommendations in 3. Just get a nice pork-pie hat.
Gonerill, you have to be kidding. A tilley hat? Isn't that one of the most toolish alternatives? Better to get one of those all-black sports logo hats and look like you're at least trying.
Depending on how urbane your dress is otherwise, a traditional herringbone-y men's hat with not too large nor too jauntily angled a brim could work well.
I second the cowboy hat, but don't make the same mistake I made. My cowboy hat is black. Its brim is wide and not folded up. When I wear it, especially with my long black beltless raincoat (it's a phenomenal rain hat), I look like a Hasid.
Isn't that one of the most toolish alternatives?
Yes, of course it is.
My boss wears a black cowboy hat. He looks fairly ridiculous in it, though.
Baseball cap, but the kind with the visor on the side. I don't know where to find one of those, however.
I think a general rule for hats is: the more likely it seems that only a very old man who was trying to look his best would wear it, the better off you'll be.
I haven't googled yet, but I know that they make face wash (and certainly moisturizer) with built-in sunblock. I'm sure he could find shampoo/conditioner/styling cream with some kind of SPF number.
8 makes me think "problem solved" and "Sifu, damn" all at the same time.
a Tilley hat or an Outback/Barmah style one
Surely these are maximally toolish.
12: Almost everyone looks fairly ridiculous in cowboy hats, so no surprise.
Seriously, though, anyone who's looking to wear a hat with a business suit in this day and age is basically fucked.
Here's a tasteful, understated fedora that might work. A lot depends on what will look good on your particular head/face. If the real question is whether a hat is unacceptably toolish, I think the answer is no, it's acceptably toolish.
I can attest, from my own experience with a very short haircut just before a heat wave when I was working as a bike messenger, that scalp sunburn is very uncomfortable.
Panama or Porkpie. Cowboy hats are awesome if you're the right type, which you probably aren't. Or for god's sake, step up and wear something like this, which is totally awesome.
Ignore 25, please. Porkpie hats make you look like a spiv.
Huh. I quite like the hat in 22. Maybe I need to see a more specific taxonomy of hats.
If our friend's hair is thinning that much, he should just shave his head. Then he can wear sunblock and look much hotter than a guy in a hat.
21 has got it. You could try channeling John Steed I guess.
What's the golf hat you always see people wearing? For some reason, I think of it as a Scotch (Scot?) hat?
Here's a tasteful, understated fedora that might work
Is it more, or less, toolish that that page has an Indiana Jones banner on the top of it?
15 is smart. If not that, one of these . The terrifying mannequin head, of course, not the chapeau.
A trilby or an Irish tweed cap are pretty conservative choices. But really you should go for a Stetson.
Here's another vote for Panamas. On the other hand, the fact that Buck looks very fetching in his doesn't actually mean they work with a suit, so you probably shouldn't listen to me.
I see now that 23 agrees with a lot of the previous comments.
I think Sifu has it right at 8 and 14.
One problem, though, is that hipsters (or possibly fratboy assholes - I can't tell who actually wears them IRL) started wearing the seriously Bing-style hats (with plaid fabric and really narrow brims) a couple years back, and so now the range of acceptably-toolish has narrowed further, between Indiana Jones hats and Ashton Kutcher hats.
an Irish tweed cap
If he buys one of these I will personally come over and beat the shite out of him.
Some people look pretty damn good in a black cowboy hat.
25: why advocate for half-measures, B? Stepping up.
30: Dear god no. Please, please no.
I'm surprised no one has mentioned the obvious answer: sombrero.
In a thusly-named thread, I believe this link is obligatory.
On second thought, the link belongs more on Standpipe's blog.
I think the trilby is what was in such nauseating fashion at the Burning Man party I went to in 20.
Rent Chinatown and try to look like that, then think really hard "I am not trying to be as cool as those dudes in Chinatown, I just have a hat" and you should look perfect.
Huh. I guess I'm thinking of either an Ivy or a Newsboy cap (though not the Newsboy hats there).
30: "driver's cap" is one common term. But also what 33 says.
My German FIL has a genuine Tirolerhut (he's from Austria and grew up in Lederhosen), but his regular-wear hat is a driver's cap.
Myself, driver's caps remind me too much of the quirky sidekick character in every show and movie in the 80s.
38: Dear god, I knew someone in grad school who wore one of hose. He was such a pathetic wanker.
I vote for a trilby over a fedora or a panama. I think the narrower brim makes it easier to pull off. A porkpie might also work, but it's a very particular style that you've got to be able to pull off.
Nobody has ever looked good in an Ivy, SCMT.
35: indeed. Looking for a herringbone trilby I was disturbed to find that the most commonly offered model is made by Kangol. On the other hand, if you keep the brim down, you can mostly avoid looking like Justin Timberlake.
My father pulls off the wool cap very well. It's better without the button in the middle. I think that's less a less toolish look than a men's dress hat. The upside and the downside are lower.
From the Sartorialist, depending on how dressed up you're going to be.
Tweed caps say to me 'philosophy professor who is probably 50 and British.' Which is a look I personally find charming.
At this rate, I'm looking forward to a future ATM that goes, "Well, I avoided looking toolish, but now I have melanoma."
25: B, that hat would be fine, were it not for the feather. What kind of man wears a feather in his cap?
54: Did you see that your tutorial worked? It's the dawn of a new day for my commenting. Look out world, here I come.
Convergence of 14 and 25:
My late grandfather, who always tried to look his best, wore a hat just like the one Bitch linked to.
I also inherited an amazing collection of smoking jackets from him, but never have occasion to wear them.
On reflection, I think I'd go with an Amish lid, yo.
Get a "Vietnam Veteran" trucker hat. Or, if the Good War is less offensive, one of those incomprehensible "141st Battalion 3rd Division 'Strike 'Em, Tigers!'" ones with the yellow tassle along the brim (it was your father's).
This advice is serious. All of the suggestions above only get more toolish as time passes; you need an age-appropriate vintage trucker hat.
I got a vaguely Panama-ish hat (not white, though. Sort of tan) recently that I've been pretty happy with. The key, I think, is to project an image of stodginess rather than wannabe-hipsterism.
What kind of man wears a feather in his cap?
A Yankee, of course.
59: My grandfather, "a very old man who was trying to look his best."
The key, I think, is to project an image of stodginess rather than wannabe-hipsterism.
This is indeed the key. Wearing very conservative suits is a good start.
These hats are made by the same Amish hat maker as the others but are sold to the Pike Mennonites instead of the Amish
And we spit in every one.
60: I'm very, very proud of you, Ari.
If we're following the "hats my grandfather wore" theme, there's these.
59: The feather is AWESOME.
Don't listen to Mary Catherine. She's Canadian. What do they know about fashion?
Also, 56! Bowlers totally go with suits. Get a bowler.
Wearing very conservative suits is a good start
Already there.
trilby.
Blume is right: you need a narrower brim if you are going to wear it with a suit. Some people can pull off the pork pies too - my dad was good at it (and he was a very tall man, so he felt needed a hat to protect his head in lots of indoor environments) but it takes good taste in pork pies. He had a big stock of them that he bought in Vienna at a place on Nagelgasse that looked good. Basically, Sifu's advice in 14, plus consider buying your hat in a place where hat-wearing is more common among men than in the US. (interwebs can be helpful with this).
She's Canadian. What do they know about fashion?
Maybe he could wrap a sarong around his head.
56/72 : that was the point of 29 but I probably should have made it more explicit.
Oscar Blandi (the fancy hair product guy, who makes lovely shampoo that smells like jasmine) makes a spray-on, leave-in sunblock product for hair and scalp.
But now I am guessing that this dude is just looking for an excuse to wear a toolish hat.
No, not the greek cap. Not unless you are, in fact, a greek fisherman.
this dude is just looking for an excuse to wear a toolish hat
This dude really hates all sunblocky kinds of things, it's true. And anything smelling like jasmine is absolutely out of the question.
Out of ignorance, what's the difference between trilby/porkpie/fedora?
I actually found myself in the situation of CaST a few years back, when I got Lyme disease in July and found the sun unbearable. I ended up with a straw golf hat (as in, broad brim, fairly round). It's not bad, but far too golf-ey. When I went to Germany last summer, I went to a great hat store in Koblenz, where I bought a very handsome straw hat that is similar to a Panama, but natural colored, and with a brown grosgrain band. Simple and, IMO, good-looking. I don't actually have to wear suits, but I do wear it with a linen jacket to business meetings. For winter I have a felt hat not dissimilar to the one O linked in 22. Dark grey, which helps reduce the Jones-eyness.
I might add: open weave straw hats are awesome in the summer - cool breeze on scalp, shade on face. Modern fashion sucks!
81: porkpies are flat on top, Trilby's and Fedoras are sort of variations of the same idea though, harder to tell apart (width of rim different, crown different)
The key, I think, is to project an image of stodginess rather than wannabe-hipsterism.
The trouble is that a pointedly stodgy hat will inevitably become the next province of hipsterism. To be safe, you need to take your sartorial choices several steps outside the bounds of today's hipsterdom. A yarmulke or a kufiyya might suffice. Better yet, wear a wig.
76: You mean a turban? There's a possibility....
Out of ignorance, what's the difference between trilby/porkpie/fedora?
A trilby makes you look like a C-list celebrity; a fedora makes you look like you long for pre-revolutionary Cuba; and a porkpie hat, as mentioned earlier, makes you look like a spiv.
86: Those things take 10 minutes a day to set up properly, by an expert (some cheat, starch them, and use like a hat)
Open weave straw hats don't really protect against sunburn, though.
80: Well there is also this one by Shiseido and this one by Jack Black (the men's grooming product guy, not the actor).
And there's also just sucking it up, and reconciling oneself to looking like a tool. I'm fair-skinned, and have spent the last couple of years wearing big straw hats in the summer to keep the sun off my face. Unfortunately, on me they all look like the kind of hat you put on a mule. But they keep the sun off my face, and that's the point.
a fedora makes you look like you long for pre-revolutionary Cuba
No, that's a panama. A fedora makes you look like you watch too many noir movies.
89: They just give it a nice pattern.
Nobody has emphasized enough that the hat shapes you can pull off have a lot to do with your head/face/shoulders ... you'll really have to try some.
gonerill, thanks for adding the word "spiv" to my vocabulary. I am now looking for an opportunity to use it in a sentence.
I LIKE flat caps and Greek fisherman hats.
There's a very sharp British Indian guy I vaguely know but run into EVERYWHERE who always wears a tweedy English fisherman hat. It looks splendidly ratty, like he balls it up and shoves it in his pocket, or like it's been run over by a truck a couple times, but since it's good quality and very clean, it just looks lived in. It goes nicely with the conservative tweedy-type clothes he affects.
87: "fedora" s/b "Panama."
Based on a quick Google Image search, the fedora and trilby appear to exist on a spectrum. The trilby is closer to what hipsters are wearing.
This sucks, because, 5 years ago, that was the direction you wanted to be in to separate yourself from Indiana Jones and geeks with leather trenchcoats.
Also note, CaST, that you're getting conflicting yet very confident advice from all of the women (and some of the men) on this thread. Women have widely varying views on men's fashion, but they're all certain that they're right. The best thing is to do what I've done: marry a woman, then take her advice, because she's the only one you really have to please (aesthetically).
And there's also just sucking it up, and reconciling oneself to looking like a tool
Looking around my campus here in Sunny State, you'll see tanned-out undergrads (there's a tanning salon right outside of campus, 330 days/year of sunshine notwithstanding), hatless middle-aged faculty members with skin lesions, and toolish-looking types with hats and few dermatology bills. A guy downstairs from me has lived here since the 70s and trots off to his skin-care specialist every 18 months to get a pre-cancerous growth or two removed.
95 proves my point. Do you really want to wear something that will lead people to say you "affect" a certain style? No, you do not.
89: Actually, pretty well. If you go to the link in 82, you'll see it's not a very open weave - just enough to let the air (and rain, alas) through.
Speaking of revolutionary Cuba, I've noticed that the newest frontier of hipster toolishness is the Fidel hat---you know, that kind of boxy wool or cotton baseball cap with a short brim? It can look kinda hot on the right sort of person.
You're all very helpful, btw. Many thanks. Even Gonerill. Though I wouldn't buy one of those peat-eater headers anyway.
100: I have a girlish version of one of those. Black with a white floralish applique on the side. It's my current almost-everyday hat; I have one with a super broad brim that's fabulous, but I'm short and I feel a little silly wearing it, like, out. On the patio, fine.
there's a tanning salon right outside of campus, 330 days/year of sunshine notwithstanding
So fucked up.
Also, can I just note: you know what's toolish? A 60 year old professional wearing a ballcap during the workday. This fear of toolish headwear has resulted in bad things, my friends.
Is there a hat store near you, CaST? If so, they can probably help you figure out what kind of hat works best for you.
separate yourself from Indiana Jones and geeks with leather trenchcoats
You also need distance from Jack Abramoff. Very difficult geometry there in hatland.
peat-eater
The phrase you are looking for is "bog-trotter."
I think I just figured out who CaST is.
You know what kind of hat is unlikely to be associated with hipsters or other toolish types any time soon? A sombrero.
The phrase you are looking for is "bog-trotter."
I was seeking greater assonance.
And if I'm correct, CaST is in fact one of the very few men in the world who *could* wear a flat cap without looking like an idiot.
But it won't really shade your face/ears, so I still say get yourself a bowler.
So fucked up.
There's a salon right outside campus, and two more nearby. Some students were telling me recently of the highly-institutionalized sorority practice of rotating between the three on a more or less daily basis in order to avoid the restrictions individual salons enforce on getting too many tanning sessions.
I also like jms's kuffiyeh suggestion, but now is probably not the best time to go for it. Maybe if Obama gets elected.
Time to 100 comments, hat thread: ~40 minutes.
Time to 100 comments, swimming thread: ~7 hours, 30 minutes.
What I hear you all saying is that it's going to take more swimming threads before you feel comfortable commenting.
I was seeking greater assonance.
OK, now I know who you are.
What I hear you all saying is that it's going to take more swimming threads before you feel comfortable commenting.
Try a swim-cap thread.
93, 96, 104: You know what I'd really do if I were you? It's perfectly true that what will suit you is very contingent on exactly what you look like, and given that men don't wear formal hats much these days, you probably don't have an eye for it. I'd go to a nice hat store and buy three fairly different hats, and then go home and see which one you end up wearing.
I've noticed the bike couriers around here wearing Tweedledum hats--like a baseball cap with a tiny brim. Guaranteed to make anyone look like an idiot, which is great, because in a couple of years young bankers are going to be wearing them.
I have a boater hat---a flat-topped round straw hat with a one-to-two-inch brim---that is totally adorable but has an unfortunate tendancy to blow off with the slightest puff of wind. Men used to wear these.
Teo, *all* hats are sombreros.
A sombrero mexicano, then.
I'd go to a nice hat store and buy three fairly different hats
Dude. Nice hats are expensive.
121: Okay, fair enough. It's a hard look to pull off, though.
I just figured out who CaST is
now I know who you are
Honestly, you people.
I would suggest a Navajo hat, but I don't think they make them anymore.
95 is a clear reminder that fashion, whether low or high, is not actually working in our interests. Really, though, I thought Zonker solved this for us decades ago.
It's a hard look to pull off, though.
True, but if your primary concern is protection from the sun it can't be beat.
Likewise on the identity-guessing. If I'm right, CaST probably has a little more latitude than most to wear a moderately anachronistic looking hat without looking like an idiot in it.
119: technically those are cycling caps, Sifu says, worriedly trying to remember if he actually wore his with any regularity.
Suggesting a boater would be entirely wrong, but it would look fetching.
I, for one, have no idea who CaST is.
Nope, saw a "hipster" on the Caltech campus yesterday sporting a sombrero. No serape, however. He was involved in yardwork, and I would guess from his features that he was of Northern European ancestry, but who knows. Perhaps worn in tribute to his South of the Border bretheren also engaging in similar outdoor activity.
Tweedledum hats--like a baseball cap with a tiny brim.
Given the context, I'd guess these are cycling caps which people have been riding in for generations.
95 proves my point. Do you really want to wear something that will lead people to say you "affect" a certain style? No, you do not.
Certain styles can only be affected, because no matter what they scream affectation, but—heres's the thing—some styles, though affected, can also be pulled off. This may be where JM's friend finds himself.
It was perfectly clear to me who CaST was from the get-go. Honestly, you people.
124: Okay, but hey! Points for figuring it out based on writing style rather than mere biographical detail?
130: A boater would be teh totally awesome.
134 is just a wee bit defensive about affected styles, methinks.
Speaking of revolutionary Cuba, I've noticed that the newest frontier of hipster toolishness is the Fidel hat
My department is on the same floor as the Slavic department, and boy! do the guys there wear those little Bolshevik-type caps in greater proportions than the rest of the population.
Okay, that's really crazy about the tanning salons. As I think I've mentioned before, my mother had to have a skin cancerous growth removed, and she's lived all her life in that land that B loves to hate, which is not exactly a sunny clime.
134: That's the thing with hats + suits these days: so few people do it you're heading pretty close to `affected' merely by going there. Might as well make sure it works as an ensemble.
I don't really affect a style, but I admire those who do it successfully.
138: Ah, but the reflection of sun off the snow can be pretty bad. Plus, long summer days.
Oh, the British Indian guy looks great. He probably actually is an Oxbridge person. I think I met him for reals about four or five years ago, and if I'm not totally hallucinating it, he's in post-colonial history. Surely he's got to be a post-grad by now. Anyway, I ran into him again on Tuesday, and as always, we kind of looked at each other awkwardly and pretended not to have deja vu.
Don't listen to Ben. He's had a man-crush on a guy with a leather trenchcoat and a bullwhip for years.
Tanning salons are pretty much insane everywhere.
I endorse the plan of going to a nice hat shop. You'll also probably want different hats for cold and warm weather.
I have a beautiful straw hat I often wear on sunny summer days. It looks sort of absurdly Edwardian and thus affected, not to mention somewhat out of sync with most of my clothes, but I've mostly decided I don't care.
just noting that 145 comments in, CaST hasn't had nearly enough comments about his bottom fantasies.
119: That's what a bike hat has been for decades. They are what they are.
118: Well, as I said, I now have 3 hats - 2 formal, one in-, 2 summer, one winter. I actually feel fairly comfortable that they look good on me, but am well aware of the toolishness issue. Whatever. I did try on hats for years before I bought one.
Nope, saw a "hipster" on the Caltech campus yesterday sporting a sombrero.
Well I'll be. They're probably already wearing kuffiyehs too.
I don't really think this is a question any of us can answer here. it just is not something you can judge unless you can see the person's head. Shape makes all the difference in the world, as does accompanying hair styles. I mean, an Ivy can look good on a certain head, but if he's thinning on top and has a ponytail? An Ivy is all wrong, so wrong he should have it knocked off a la Wodehouse short stories.
Likewise, an Irish tweed might look good on a certain head. However, anything too associated with another decade (trilbies, fedoras, porkpies) are apt to look as toolish as if he started scooting about in a bowler, a derby, or a topper.
This fellow is just going to have to go to a real hatter. Not go into Target and select from the bullshit styles there, nor any generalized mall-anchor department store, but one of those fading, bars-over-the-windows because they've been in the neighborhood before it went downhill hat shops that has every possible variety, shape, color, and size of hat.
That, obviously, is the only acceptable solution.
And if he doesn't live near a metropolitan area where he can find such a thing, then fuck it, shave your head and lube up!
149: those are old news, actually.
119: That's what a bike hat has been for decades. They are what they are.
Are they ever.
I agree with the essence of 150: this is not advice that can be given in the absence of a mirror. Get a friend, go to a store that sells a lot of styles of hat, try them on, get opinions. If you don't have a hat store, go to Target. The one here has a bunch of faux-retro men's hats you can use to get a general sense of styles and whatnot.
I would have this problem myself except that (a) all hats look like thimbles atop my super-sized skull so I don't wear them and (b) I don't go out in the sun.
Seriously, there are a number of decent choices that are fairly conservative and won't look out of place with a suit. The best one for you is going to depend on the shape of your head, mostly. If you have a round face, get a rounded hat, a square/diamond face, a flatter one. I tend to think non-creased hats (derby, bowler) look better than creased ones (fedora, trilby), but that's just my taste.
Also think about what you're going to be pairing it with. If you're generally wearing recently made, contemporary-styled suits (which tend towards narrow lapels), a wide-brimmed hat is going to look out of place and unbalance the whole outfit.
151: I know people have been using them as scarves, but I'm talking about really wearing them.
TLL, there are no hipsters on the Caltech campus. Okay there's one guy, but he doesn't count, he's from New Zealand.
Crap, there are two more that come to mind, now. Dang.
I've been looking for an excuse to wear a dǒu lì Maybe if I actually do some gardening this summer.
I had an Asian student who used to wear a [Is there any name for this hat that doesn't contain a slur? Chinese railroad worker hat?] all the time as some kind of statement. He was kind of awesome.
158: Robert pwns me with the answer to me question! Also, Robert has heard this story from me before!
159 see 158.
Chinese: dǒu lì
Vietnamese: Nón lá
Japanese: sugegasa
CaST should consider converting to Sikhism, and affecting a stylish turban. These look good with anything, IME.
Dǒu lì! I never knew the name. I once tried one on and it looked surprisingly great on me, but somehow I don't quite have the skirt to wear one in public.
Seriously, those hats look like they'd be really practical for outdoor work.
153.2 may be accurate, or you may be one of the sixty percent of men who believes they possess a bizarrely outsized head. What's your actual hat size?
Apparently the type I've been thinking of all this time is not a "Trilby", but a "Clipper".
Uh, 164.2 should be "type of hat" and should not be though to refer to skull size or shape.
Additionally, 166 should "165.2", and not be thought to refer to helpy-chalk referring, perhaps subtextually, to manual-labor-ready skull shapes. Phrenology is deprecated.
If you want to wear it with a suit, I think your only choice is a fedora. Don't worry about looking like a tool: spending all your time trying not to look like a tool is just a different, more exhausting, form of toolishness.
For when you're not wearing a suit, I highly recommend you get over yourself and buy a baseball cap of one kind or other. (For example: it's pledge week, go give 50 bucks to your PBS affiliate. Maybe it will make them shut up and stop playing Peter, Paul, and Mary reunion specials.)
158: those are excellent in the sun. I need a new one after wearing my old one out.
153.2 may be accurate, or you may be one of the sixty percent of men who believes they possess a bizarrely outsized head. What's your actual hat size?
I don't remember my actual hat size but when I was being sized for my graduation cap there were no caps large enough for me and the largest size available had to be hairpinned to my hair rather than allowed to sit on my head. Maybe hats are all undersized? I dunno, I just know that no hat is ever big enough.
169: Do you wear it when chopping up apples with your samurai sword?
I guess there isn't any point in pointing out the damage you did, since you already know that, and I am sure have learned from it.
TJ, hipster was in scare quotes. I have no knowledge that the subject is currently enrolled at said institution. I will say that the sombrero in question looked quite weathered, and that the wearer did not look too "toolish". It did strike me as unusual, which is why I remembered the sighting.
162.---Seriously. Recently I've been noticing in the subway a whole bunch of stunningly handsome Sikhs in sharp suits and crimson turbans. They're usually accompanied by very pretty white girls.
170: for you.
171: different eras, but: nicely done.
Another ignorant question: how do you know what shape your face is? I've heard this kind of thing before w/r/t frames for glasses, but never understood it.
For a casual-but-not-too-casual look you could go with a walking hat.
Sifu needs to post the cartoon about fedora-wearing again. It was you, Sifu, wasn't it?
CaST -- You need to go to a good hat store. I know some old school places in NYC, but not elsewhere. At a really good hat store, like at a really good foundation garment store, the folks who run the place will have good advice for you. But you should also bring friends. You need more input than just looking at yourself in the mirror.
176.---I think the best way is to ask someone like a barber or a photographer. For one thing, it's easy to become a bit delusional about one's own features, and for another, the terminology seems somewhat specialised if not fuckwaddedly random.
As requested. For a bonus, it mentions sword collecting.
Turbans come is such a fantastic variety of colors, too. This is clearly the solution.
107: Really? Did you read the post?
172: There are a couple of guys on the grounds staff that do wear sombreros.
I don't quite have the skirt to wear one in public./i>
There was a brief trend in D.C. of young black men wearing dǒu lìs with their falling-off jeans and giant shirts. Try it, rfts -- maybe that's the look for you.
Please expand on the toolishness of the Tilley. Is it OK if it's actually a Merganser brand, purchased at a ranger station in Atikokan, Ontario? If I've gotta be a tool, then I've gotta be a tool - but I'd just like to know more about where I stand on this important matter.
how am i the first person to recommend a bandanna? just got to make sure you know your neighborhood's colors. and, sure, it's not technically a cap, but this is about function, not form -- the scalp must be protected, and so must the water cooler turf be protected from the i.t. crips and the secretary pool ms-13.
unfortunate tendancy to blow off with the slightest puff of wind
Hat pins!
all these comments in, and no discussion of the color of CaST's suits? Black? Grey? Other colors? And how worried about heat are you? Are wool hats right out?
I'm afraid of hat pins. What do you stick them to? (I am not a pin-cushion, I am a human being!!)
Is it OK if it's actually a Merganser brand, purchased at a ranger station in Atikokan, Ontario?
Quite a bit worse, sad to say.
186: Tilleys etc. are perfectly fine if you're actually paddling about in a canoe, or hiking or ... Really won't work with a suit, though.
186: The Tilley is a wilderness hat. One should not wear it when one is not in the wilderness. Those who do so are probably trying to evoke a certain kind of Teddy Rooseveltian machismo that they (and arguably, he) don't actually possess. Thus, toolish.
Personally, were I going out to the wilderness, I might consider a Tilley. But otherwise, never.
The sad thing is that it took me 10 minutes to get pwned twice.
191: They are a tad scary. You have to wear your hair up or pulled back. Then you slide the pins through the hat and under a bit of your hair. Or you could tie a chiffon scarf over the hat and under your chin for that "I just took a ride in my convertible" look.
What a hat, the Ebano by Stetson. Named after a type of wood whose coloring it's supposed to resemble. "A very sharp looking hat for the summer season."
I have the hat that Bitch mentioned early on. I love it. Women always ask to wear it. It's awesome. And yes I had to buy it at a store like the one The Critic mentioned in 150. In Philly. And it came with two feathers. And a box.
But it only works in the cold or in the evening. So I need a summer hat. The Panama ogged linked to is a contender. So is this one.
Where does one find hat pins these days, Kraab?
196: Hat pins are awesome, but not so good for a very stiff hat like a boater.
Sir Kraab, did you see that Kristen is from Wall (before it was just "Monmouth Co.")? I'm from north and east of Wall.
200: Yeah, I did. I'm from Middletown, close to Red Bank.
Ha. So we swam against you. I'm from Ocean Township (next to Deal).
199: Oudemia may well be right about the boater; my straw hat is not that stiff. I've only gotten pins at hat stores; I don't know if you can get them elsewhere.
It seems like it wouldn't hard to make hats with bobby pins sewn into the band inside, or something like that. Maybe I'll start my own "Hats that stay on your head" brand.
if it fits, it will stay on your head.
Often, for women's hats, even better than sewing bobby pins to the inner band is sewing small hair combs, at about a 45-degree angle.
and then there's this look. Of course, I have no idea how old CaST is.
if it fits, it will stay on your head.
This is not entirely true for wide-brim hats, given sufficient wind.
More seriously, you might like one of these, all classic, though quite pricey.
207. I know a guy my age who carries that look off very well. Body type is more important in this case, so you don't look like a refugee from South Park.
210: did you have your Sombrero professionally fitted?
get over yourself and buy a baseball cap of one kind or other.
Noooo!
Okay, it's actually true that a baseball *type* cap of the waspy variety is workable. And I own one which I bought on board the Lady Washington; it has a picture of the ship on the front of it. I seem to have lost it somehow, though, which is surely a sign from god.
One knows what shape one's face is primarily by comparing the shape of one's jaw/chin, facing head on, to the shapes of other people's jaws. Is it pointy? Squarish? Step two is to compare the height of one's head, from chin to forehead, to how other people look. Does your face look definitely longer top to bottom or not? And step three is the cheekbones: is one's face rounder, or no? Heart-shaped basically means your face is broadish up top and pointy at the chin; it looks delicate-ish, "pretty." Otherwise yer basically a square, a circle, or a classic oval. Or, if you have a strong jaw and a longer-than-average face, a rectangle, known by unkind people as "horsey."
But of course! Not in a wind tunnel, though; the standards for professionalism have fallen considerably in recent years.
Body type is more important in this case
that stands to reason. the picture in 207 is apparently a Burberry designer, which I believe tries for classic, but not conservative. So, if that's your thing.
207.---My honey goes with that look, pretty much. Of course, now he's grown out his bread, so he looks like the skinny terrorist version of that, but I dig it.
210: I guess I have yet to encounter wind that strong. And how wide a brim we talking about?
211: Those are gorgeous. Anyone know why most of them are between 100-200 pounds but the Trilby is 650? (!)
i kinda like these hats
these are men's i guess
I'd surely like to know who spends ~$350 on a Pith Helmet.
218. "superfine" quality. It says it takes 3 months to weave by hand.
1. Peter Mayle describes the real Panama hat in the relevant chapter of Acquired Tastes.
2. I think my father has a small but growing collection of tweed Rex Harrison hats. Welcome to New England.
3. No one has mentioned the beret? The casque? The biretta?
I won't wear a baseball cap
So am I to understand that Lee Siegel has moved to a sunny clime and become a friend of the blog.
And, really, would it be too much for a 5'2" classicist to walk around in a pith helmet?
No one has mentioned the beret?
Very hard for a man to wear.
My boater looks like the boater there, except that the 105-pound boater there is even in pixels obviously of a vastly superior quality. I'll bet that boater stays on in a light breese.
210: I guess I have yet to encounter wind that strong. And how wide a brim we talking about?
Women's hats can get pretty wide in the brim, as with my summer hat. Its brim is four inches or so at its widest. Fortunately it also has an elastic band that can be deployed on really windy days.
220. Someone who goes on one of these
http://www.robinhurtphotosafaris.com/itin1.htm
hats with bobby pins sewn into the band inside
Right, so that when you take them off your hair is even more fucked-up than regular hat hair would be.
I maintain that the hand-on-crown-of-hat gesture in the wind is both classic and fetching.
222.2: now that is a nice hat.
222.3: terrific point.
Perhaps CaST could wear a Tricorne?
229: ignore me. I wasn't thinking of women's hats. A 4-inch brim? Goodness!
Or consider this hat. I can imagine it would sail off quite effectively in the presence of a good gust of wind and the absence of a hatpin.
233: laugh if you must, but I would absolutely take the feathers out and wear that hat. And I would so own wearing that hat too.
234: It may be a mere three and a half, and it's more abbreviated at the back. Still, it's superb at keeping the sun off my face. (And, as I mentioned earlier, at making me look conspicuous and somewhat silly.)
Oh, and I need this, too, even though it's relatively plain.
I think we all know which hat CaST wants -- nay, needs.
Also, be sure to check out Couture Millinery under Ladies.
239: I love that! But it's £149. That's what, like $800 these days?
226. Some guys can do it.
http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/6a/US_Army_Green_Berets_DF-SD-02-02957.JPEG/800px-US_Army_Green_Berets_DF-SD-02-02957.JPEG&imgrefurl=http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:US_Army_Green_Berets_DF-SD-02-02957.JPEG&h=525&w=800&sz=69&hl=en&start=3&um=1&tbnid=v_JEtDq4FZnVZM:&tbnh=94&tbnw=143&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dgreen%2Bberets%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Doff%26rlz%3D1T4DKUS_enUS244US244%26sa%3DN
I can imagine it would sail off quite effectively in the presence of a goodgust of wind sneeze and the absence of a hatpin.
God, all those women's hats are so so great. This is the one I want most at the moment.
206: Ooh, that's a great idea. I'm so going to do that.
I don't know if this link will work, but these hats both are sporty and enable you to be constantly vigilant and/or vain.
I walked by the Barneys on Madison Avenue the other morning and there was a woman's hat in the window that must have been three floppy yellow-as-a-dandelion feet across.
Oh! Totally new approach! This one deflects just about all of the sun's rays, unless it's directly vertically above you -- and you can still feel the breeze!
Yeah, the Lock & Co. hats are all too covetousness inducing.
THE MARIO MUSHROOM HAT SHOULD NOT JUST BE FOR WOMEN.
I have a face shape that works well with hats (oblong and very narrow) but a hair shape that does not play well with hats.
This is fairly similar to the hat I've been wearing in the rain lately.
258: I offered to make something similar for Blume, but she was less than enthusiastic for some reason.
236: I wasn't laughing, except perhaps with joy. I would wear the hell out of that hat.
I hope CaST is still reading this thread, because this is one hell of a fine hat.
Oh my god, that Super Mario hat is so fuckin' hot.
265: old dude hats are the best hats.
263 is liberated from its old dude associations by being Bubbles' hat.
Still, this thread seems quite silly. I cannot recall seeing someone who has worn any of the hats suggested here that didn't look like a hipster or a sysadmin. This is a battle against time and it's already been lost.
I'm no authority, but I'd put CaST in this, a narrow-brim Panama.
Still, or again, reading, ST, but that's not so much a sunny-clime hat.
269: I actually have almost that identical hat, LB. But I was hoping for something a little more formal and durable. I'm picky like that.
I was hoping for something a little more formal and durable.
I cannot recall seeing someone who has worn any of the hats suggested here that didn't look like a hipster or a sysadmin.
Hey!
OP should shave his head. If that doesn't work, there are plenty of sunscreens for the scalp out there. I Googled up this list and there are several options there that should be sufficiently testicular.
Just don't waste your money on SPF shampoos/conditioners (which will just wash off, and conditioner should go nowhere near your scalp on a thinning head anyway), or anything that isn't marked with an SPF or is below 15 (not strong enough to protect fair skin).
If you must buy a hat, bring along patient and honest friends, who should tell you which hat looks least toolish on you.
I am mad at Michael for making me feel pouty and covetous. I'm going to let the consultants recruit me now, so that I can acquire more fetching head gear.
271: A Panama's not formal? With a light colored, non-winter suit? I think if you get a good one, it's formal.
For colder weather, maybe the same shape in a light grey wool?
and conditioner should go nowhere near your scalp on a thinning head anyway
out of random curiosity.. why would that be?
272: Harrumph, I like the grouse hat. (Though indeed it is for chilly weather.)
276: I don't think `non-winter' is enough. You can pull it off (business) formally on a hot day with a proper summer suit, or not really.
I agree with LB that a Panama really is the correct answer. But if you absolutely insist that it has to be fabric, maybe this? Not as stylish, though.
277 we've gone from frat-boys to frat-men?
282. I was thinking that one, too, but, especially with that blue fabric wrap around it, the suit would really have to match. And we still don't know what CaSTs summer suits look like.
I might suggest that it is probably best to arrange to be hispanic, tall, and elegant before wearing that particular Panama.
But you really need to try them on. If you were going to be in NY sometime soon, oudemia mentioned knowing an NYC hatter.
I think I know who CaST is, but I don't know what he looks like. Is he handsome and elegant? In all honesty, stylish headwear is tough for nearly all men to pull off. André Braugher can wear whatever the hell hat he wants. Jack Black cannot. There's a thin line between raffish and sysadmin.
285: Nope, CaST would be awesome in that hat.
I'd say non-Hispanic elegance might carry it off.
CaST, I believe, is extremely urbane. And therefore the perfect man for a Panama hat.
Hey!
Sorry, someone s/b a man. Women's hat options are just like their shoe options: seemingly unlimited and awesome when compared to men's.
I don't see 269 looking good on a pale person. Or even most non-pale white people.
I'd say non-Hispanic elegance might carry it off.
That's fair.
289 con't: In which regard, not to overly flatter our commenters, CaST is doing nicely.
292 surely constitutes definitive proof that 269 is the right hat.
I was thinking of J. J. Hat Center, which is famous and has been around forever. It's on 5th Ave. But one may also look here.
237 surely constitutes definitive proof that 292 is correct.
You can keep your spare rabbits in 273.
297: No. And once again we realize that Ned has zero eye for detail, and cannot distinguish between a very nice panama hat and a cheap piece of crap.
If 292 is wrong, does that make 285, 287 and 289 also wrong?
If your hair is thin enough to burn seriously with fairly limited exposure to sun (that is, you aren't working outside), it's too goddamn thin to look decent. Shave it. And start tanning now, so when the summer comes, you won't get burnt. Speaking as a man who has no hair anymore, and has worked on a concrete slab where the temp was 117 degrees.
That doesn't mean you shouldn't get a hat though. The problem you are apparently trying to solve looks like the wrong one tho. Either you work indoors and so you need a utility hat for getting around, or you work indoors and wear a suit, in which instance you are likely trying to compensate for the baldness, whether you admit it or not.
The thing is, is that hats are in fact, totally out of fashion, so the only way to pull off wearing a hat is thorugh either sheer cluelessness or sheer fucking brass. If you were to go for the latter, then you MUST take the attitude that any sniveling little weaselboy hipsters can take their definitions of toolishness and jam it up their ass.
After figuring that out, the advice people have given is correct: JRoth is right that the first woman (or man) you should be paying attention to is the one you're dating. And I totally agree that choosing a hat depends on what you look like, but ALSO, what you wear. A Homburg would go fine with a black suit and a white shirt (and an umbrella!), a non-black fedora would go better with a brown or blue suit. And so on. But you really should try on a hat, and wear it if you like it. People can carry off crazy shit if they LIKE what they're wearing, whereas someone who doesn't like what they're wearing but wears it to fit in won't (can't!) carry it off. They merely achieve inoffensiveness.
If you were to get a utility hat (wear it in the sun, take it off when you go indoors, like you were raised by civilized people and not savages), you could do worse than to go over to Red Soldier and snag a kepi in whatever pattern is appropriate. You can throw them in the wash (not the dryer tho), wad them up and stick them in your pocket and they're cheap. If 'anybody' sees you wearing it, they're more likely to ask where you got it from than give you any shit. (The best one for summer is the Desert camo kepi since it breathes best, but they don't seem to be stocking the pattern at the moment.)
B:Don't listen to Ben. He's had a man-crush on a guy with a leather trenchcoat and a bullwhip for years.
Ben has a crush on me? I'd be flattered but isn't it kind of hard for a rogue prototype cellphone AI to have a crush on anything?
max
['Ok, fine, I don't have a bullwhip. I should get one tho.']
Every sensible person has a bit of a crush on you, Max.
But you're completely wrong about your hat recommendations. Except for the "wear it in the sun take it off indoors like a civilized person" thing, which, duh.
278: Because if your hair has a fine texture, the conditioner plus the natural scalp oils that build up over the course of the day will make your hair look nasty and stringy.
(I have fine hair but a ginormous freakin' pile of it - go redheads - and I'm constantly trying to fine-tune the balance of enough conditioner/product to keep down the frizz, while not so much that the hair by my scalp starts to look dirty. A really good hair day is a rare and wondrous thing.)
302: They're not bad recommendations generally (well, camoflauge is a weird fashion choice if you're not hiding from anything) I just don't think they work well in this case.
303: Yep. One of the main reasons I color my hair (you can't fucking *tell* because the high and lowlights mimic the color it is anyway) is just to dry out and lift the damn roots some.
That Avalon Organics volumizing shampoo does a nice job, but then the problem is finding a conditioner that'll let me get a comb through it, b/c the shampoo is pretty darn drying. My current solution is to use conditioner and then use PK's kid's "detangling spray." I think this seems to be working.
assuming you aren't actually on patrol with your unit, or sitting in a blind in the middle of nowhere, camo is almost certainly a bad idea.
Ironic how much attention camouflage calls to itself outside of its intended setting, no?
Late to the party, per usual, but I have to put in a vote for the Kangol Ivy hat. I have a few pals with similar issues re sun/thinning hair and that's their choice and it looks great. They usually wear theirs backwards though, which looks better IMO. It looks a little more aerodynamic or slick or something...and the whole look is a little less affected than the porkpie or the fedora. My father, who is of a certain age, pulls off an Indiana Jones type hat when he's not sporting his beloved Cubbies baseball cap.
Never listen to 309. Moira's trying to turn you into one of those middle-aged paunchy white dudes who try to imitate Samuel L. Jackson from Jackie Brown. And even Samuel L. looked toolish in that get-up. Hell, the backward Kangol hat w/ponytail was deliberately chosen to have that effect! If he can't do it, no modern man can.
Wear a flat cap, fine, but wear it forward and in a subdued tweed. Not a hard cap, either, soft fabric only.
Oh hey, I just realized that I've actually been to that fancy British hat shop! A pity that I was insufficiently rich and awesome to buy anything at the time.
311: Fie on you and your excessively narrow-minded ways. I've known many people of a variety of ages and backgrounds who wore such hats and wore them well.
None have worn them backwards or in any non-traditional fabric, of course.
Has anyone suggested a parasol yet?
In support of B's principled (I assume) opposition to flat caps, I provide the example of Cole Richards, Flat Cap Wearer.
Cole also wears a special Dungeon Master's hat, if that tells you anything.
assuming you aren't actually on patrol with your unit, or sitting in a blind in the middle of nowhere, camo is almost certainly a bad idea.
Back when I was on active duty, it was not uncommon for the perpetrator of a boneheaded move to claim that it was a good thing that they were wearing camo, or someone might have seen said boneheadedness.
318: That's really funny -- I could see wanting to wear camo just to use the line. Not badly enough to wear camo, but still.
305: This stuff is great, if you can find it. (It's $15 a bottle but lasts for quite a while.)
I'm now gripped by a desire to go hat shopping with shivbunny for a hat for me.
Here's what a Navajo hat looks like, for anyone who's curious.
320: Huh, thanks. I'll keep an eye out.
(It is apparently available on amazon.)
Ooo, I like that Ivy cap that moira links to.
I have a cloth cap I bought in Tallinn a few years ago that I wear when I'm going for my Estonian bricklayer look.
That stuff sounds quite nice! My own fond wish is for a hair care product that would make my hair lie down and be quiet, already, as it is neither curly nor straight but very poofy, frizzy, and a variety of wavy that can best be described as lumpy.
305: My hair is its own animal, but I usually just rinse it with conditioner, use this shampoo (which is basically a conditioner with a little peppermint oil), and gel it, using alligator clips to give some height at the crown.
269 is quite a bit like what I got in Germany.
And 276.s more or less describes my winter hat, although mine is probably a bit darker than LB envisions.
What I'm saying is, LB would like my hats. So I don't care if the rest of you think I look like a dork.
I think because JRoth is in a creative profession, he has more leeway to wear hats that look objectively dorky, as part of creating his brand.
Uh, thanks, Ned.
Actually, though, there is truth to that. I own a couple nice, traditional suits, but only wear them for funeral/wedding situations. Professionally, I wear linen or camelhair jackets with (contrasting) linen slacks or pants with some sort of character (never khakis).
It wasn't a leather trenchcoat or a bullwhip.
332: Only just recently. And only semi-*. I mean, compared to an accountant, yes. Compared to an architect, no.
* Actually, that frame design, but with this cool green accent on the inside of the temples.
He had a brown duster and a whip of some other sort.
I leave it to anyone who is still reading the thread if the thrust of my comment stands.
Used to be that I wasn't shy about sporting a pith helmet.
I'll put my stoned picture in a keffiyeh on the flickr group.
Oh, that's a keffiyeh?
I completely understand Ben's attraction to the brown duster and whip of some sort. This would be an Indiana Jones look of sorts, right?
Oh, that's a keffiyeh?
I've never seen one like that; maybe that's the Yemeni type. This is more typical.
God. Kaffir is a kind of lime. Kefir is a fermented milk drink. Keffiyeh is some sort of head covering.
Globalization, man.
Kaffir is a kind of lime.
Specifically, the infidel kind.
338: Yes, I know you have, else I wouldn't have mentioned it myself.
341: Oh dear.
342 -- I didn't see very many people wearing it like that at all. This seemed the most common, in Sanaa anyway, but you wouldn't call it a hat obviously. I didn't tie that keffiyeh on my head, but it only took 60-90 seconds. It's about 4 feet square, and you start by making a triangle, and pressing the middle of the hypotenuse to one's forehead. I brought it home, but haven't found occasion to wear it -- but then I never find occasion to wear my five star beaver Stetson either.
Last night, I was at a party and there was this guy wearing a 30's-style morning suit, very large-eyed glasses, a feathered hat very like the one in B's 25, and an overcoat with a copy of Gatsby tucked into the pocket. My friends and I were stepping into the elevator when we heard, "Hold it for me, would you, sweetheart?" This guy had his little act down to every detail.
We were discussing him afterwards, and could not agree among us whether we despised him and wished him dead or totally respected how fully he embodied all this, or whether we wanted to fuck him. We flipped between all of these possibilities, unsure of what deep disturbance this had made in us.
Like, we have a close friend who wears improbable suits and carries a briefcase with nothing but a copy of The Wizard of Oz in it. He's an odd duck, but he's doing his own thing and is very funny and sweet and surprisingly genuine. What do you do with someone who has every single bit of the look down?
What do you do with someone who has every single bit of the look down?
You can totally respect him or want to fuck him, but despising's off the table, surely.
There were certainly those among us who wanted to punch him in the face. I cannot vouch for the origin of that sentiment.
with a copy of Gatsby tucked into the pocket
Perhaps it would have been more subtle if he'd fashioned some old-timey neon that read "I'm wearing period dress to make a statement" and glued it to his head.
226: No one has mentioned the beret?
Very hard for a man to wear.
One hundred take the test today
But only three win the Green Beret
-- old fashionista maxim
What do you do with someone who has every single bit of the look down?
348 You can totally respect him or want to fuck him, but despising's off the table, surely.
If you mean this about the Gatsby guy, the 'every single bit of the look down' doesn't apply. The 'look' decidedly does not include a meta-commentary on that look. Gatsby can't carry a copy of Gatsby.
With people who successfully embody the look of a bygone age, you just have to wait until you know whether they are able to successfully interact with other humans. Don't judge the book by the extremely pretentious and prejudice-inducing cover, that is.
If you mean this about the Gatsby guy, the 'every single bit of the look down' doesn't apply. The 'look' decidedly does not include a meta-commentary on that look. Gatsby can't carry a copy of Gatsby.
Some random literate fellow in the second half of the 1920s can, though. Was it a vintage edition?
Now, if he was carrying a monopoly board and softly weeping, that would have been clever.
Yes, vintage. I was sort of agnostic on the question, but his existence made two of my five friends want to pummel his face in.
Some random literate fellow in the second half of the 1920s can, though.
True enough. But it doesn't read to me like that's what the guy was going for. The book in the pocket seems more like a direct message to the observer: Hey! In case you hadn't noticed, I'm going for a Gatsby-era look!
Of course, I have no idea what he was actually going for, and I didn't even see him myself. I think I'm just cross at the non-subtlety the book adds to what sounds like an otherwise charming and well executed bit of affectation.
Didn't AWB say the guy had big round glasses? Maybe he is owl-eyed library man! Maybe he carries his copy of Gatsby to show everyone that his pages are cut!
(My standard Halloween costume is in fact my prom dress. It's an art deco black beaded silk sheath -- I toss that on, marcelle my hair, throw on some bright red lipstick and tell everyone I am Zelda Fitzgerald.)
