The attribution of various views and statements to Pro-Life is cracking me up; I hope he wins.
Pro-Life ... will advocate murder charges for physicians who perform abortion, as well as for women who undergo the procedure (AP/CBS News, 3/18).
I suspect the joke would pall over time.
No, come on, this one will never get old. Imagine if Coburn had done this-- he'd be an endless stream of hilarity.
Mrs. Pro-Life is not a wimpy damsel-in-distress, asking for the government to save her.
Does anyone remember that one congressman who turned blue from using silver supplements?
Not a Congressman, just a perpetual candidate.
This is awesome. I am trying to think of ways it could be more awesome. Think of the headlines!
Awesome:
Mr. Pro-Life has to vote pro-choice to save some tax cut.
Awesome, but Evil:
Mr. Pro-Life's daughter procures an abortion.
Mr. Pro-Life supports the death penalty.
Awesomest:
Mr. Pro-Life ends up disgraced due to a sex scandal.
Perhaps even awesomer than Awesomest:
Mr. Pro-life ends up disgraced due to a sex scandal in which his mistress got pregnant, he coerced her to have an abortion and he paid her off to keep her mouth shut.
PRO-LIFE PAID FOR ABORTION.
Awesomeness.
Pro-Life, pro se, pleads with lifeless prose, gets life.
March 25, 2015: Senators Pro-Life, Pro-Life, Pro-Life, Tax Cut, Pro-Life, Tax Cut, Strong Military and Secure Borders, Tax Cuts!!! and Pro-Life today jointly announced their support for the new Super-Awesome-Patriot Act, our Washington correspondent reports.
Y'all have to click the link in 3. Mrs. P-L is on the record saying that
Public college education is not the proper role of government. Public colleges promote socialism, humanism, selfishness, hedonism, and poor character. Public education is one reason we are declining as a nation. This is also true, world wide. Wake up, World. Karl Marx said "free public education for all children in public school. We have become democratic Communists.
Plus, her answer to "the Beatles or Elvis?" really, you shouldn't miss it.
Charity Law Fundraiser: Pro-Life Attends Pro-Am Pro-Bono Pro Bowl.
Karl Marx said "free public education for all children in public school.
He did, you know. It's one of the 10 or so planks in his policy platform at the end of the Manifesto. About 6 of them are now taken for granted as normal aspects of respectable capitalist democracies.
The other guy's answers are also great.
The Beatles were leaned toward Marxism (read the lyrics to "Imagine"). Elvis had sexuality oozing out of him.
I know that when I think about Elvis, the first thing I think about is oozing sexuality.
"Pro-Lifes Proliferate Due to Unplanned Pregnancies"
12: at least she answered the question. Mr. Pro Life not only gave a boring non-reply, he seems to think "Imagine" was a Beatles song. I'd vote for his wife over him.
About 6 of them are now taken for granted as normal aspects of respectable capitalist democracies.
What are you, a DEMOCRATIC COMMUNIST??@!?
Brock, you dummy, that's not Mr. Pro-Life she's running against. That's a different race.
That's not Mr. Pro-Life, that's Mrs. Pro-Life's primary opponent. You'll note that he doesn't have the crucial endorsement of the unborn babies.
The other guy is also of the opinion that public education is "institutionalized child abuse."
And that:
"We have become state slaves, going to work everyday to pay the tax liability we incurred during the night while we slept. We will know that we have free nation when the government at all levels requires 10% or less of our income. This is our goal. If the state did not traffic in mercy (helping the poor) or in education, the taxes would fall to this level."
Ah, Republicans.
Oh. Well that's less interesting.
"Mrs. Pro-Life Births Twin Boys"
The twins, Half and Miller High, join their older sister Shelf.
21: Do these guys ever look at the percentage spent on trafficking in mercy vs., say, so-called defense spending? (If one has my mind, one is now imagining mercy mules and mercy on the corner and prosecutors vowing to reduce mercy rates by 5% by the end of next quarter.)
23: While their other sibling, Lush, is kept in the shadows.
Education/Degrees:
...
Home college.
Which reminds me, I really need to put my PhD in Classics (from home university) and my MFA in Music Composition (home conservatory) on my resume.
I didn't actually graduate from home university, but they've awarded me a number of honorary PhDs.
screw you ivory-tower elitists with your home university degrees
i got my education on the home streets
29 -- for a limited time, you can get a hamburger with a different kind of bun!
Ripping off the Hardee's "Frisco Burger" seems like kind of a desperate move.
Butter-flavored toast-shaped bread?
Sonic had sandwiches like that a couple years ago, too.
29: How dare BK suggest that my sainted mother would have put "honey-butter sauce" on a fried-egg sandwich! Libel!
PS - I'd like to see the fast food apologists of this blog try to defend this outrage.
That bacon double looks pretty damn good. I'm hungry.
On the other hand, the Halloween donuts with maggot sprinkles are super-awesome, as are the other designs.
I confess I'd have a hard time eating maggot sprinkles.
the "maggots" are on the donut at the top right?
I think they look more like mealworms. You know, the crunchy ones. maggots are soft.
I think they look more like mealworms. You know, the crunchy ones. maggots are soft
Mealworms aren't that crunchy. Probably crunchier then maggots, but I haven't eaten maggots so I can't really compare.
My mom once bit into a Mr. Goodbar that was filled with maggots. I have a distinct visual memory of her spitting maggoty chocolate into the sink and retching.
Why would there be maggots in a Mr. Goodbar?
One thing you realize if you read any kind of pre-1960 diary is how far we've come in terms of food hygiene. I recall reading some WW2 sailor's diary, and he's talking about how the flour on ship is always mealwormy - it's just a given. And, in the end, who cares? But it's unimaginable for modern Americans (unless they travel).
Presumably because somehow the thing was stored improperly at some point.
I think the texture difference is such that I would definitely eat mealworms, but definitely not maggots.
of course, mealworms are a specific species. produced for commercial purposes. Maggots could mean any number of things.
Thanks, B. I was just trying to resist the urge to get up from my desk and have lunch; suddenly, not hungry anymore.
by "of course" I mean "I just read in Wikipedia"
Funny, I was just thinking of eating some yogurt and getting started on the Straus yogurt-making project.
I'm thinking I don't want to eat anything I can't see through for the rest of the day.
Presumably because somehow the thing was stored improperly at some point.
Thanks, B. I always forget about your minor in biology.
My point was that I wouldn't expect a candy bar to get maggoty even if it were left out unwrapped. Maybe I've just never left a candy bar out for long enough.
My gluttony is hygienic.
I wouldn't expect a candy bar to get maggoty
Well, it did. Lots and lots of writhing maggots.
46: left out unwrapped where? Maybe not on your countertop, in places where flies gather I think maggots would find their way into unwrapped candy bars.
Anyway, if 38 had happened today B could have lived her adult life on the trust fund created by her mother's settlement. If B were still a small child, today, when it happened, I mean.
are you sure this candy bar incident wasn't a dream?
I once was convinced that my parents and I had taken a really scary trip to Germany.
One thing you realize if you read any kind of pre-1960 diary is how far we've come in terms of food hygiene....it's unimaginable for modern Americans (unless they travel).
I'll never forget walking through a farmer's market in Germany and seeing a sign by the cherry vendor (who clearly had some things left to learn about marketing and customer psychology) that proudly declared "Fresh Organic Cherries. Guaranteed Free of Maggots!"
Up to that point, it had never occured to me that cherries might contain maggots. Since then, I check obsessively, and sure enough, you can usually find some if you look hard enough (especially at organic farmer's market cherries).
Okay, B, that's fucking gross. What's wrong with your mother that she would bite into something like that? Didn't it smell bad?
At the time we encouraged her to sue, but no; she just threw it in the trash. Stupid, wasteful woman.
It was not a dream. Nor was the time she ate a donut the cat had been sitting on, which is one of the few stories of my childhood that my entire family actually remembers as funny.
Doesn't a Mr. Goodbar have peanuts in it? So a fly could have gotten into a cavity where a peanut fell out, or an air bubble, and laid eggs. Sounds as plausible to me as it is disgusting.
51: My mother has lived her entire adult life on a diet of coffee, cigarettes, and chocolate. I don't think she *has* a sense of smell. (And I don't see why it would; maggots can surely eat chocolate that isn't rotting yet.)
I don't buy this theory about a fly -- I see B's story as a clear-cut proof of the supposedly "discredited" theory of spontaneous generation.
On the subject of moms, whenever I have noodle soup I think of the following story, told to me by a friend: Her mom got home, suddenly starving, and decided to eat some cold soup that was sitting on the stove. She was so hungry she didn't bother to reheat it. She had eaten a few spoonfuls when she realized the vermicelli in the soup was moving very, very fast.
The poor moms.
On the subject of parents and food more generally, I'm having a chat with my dad about visiting him this upcoming week, and he said "we can use your grandpas bbq to cook" which I read, of course, as "we can use your grandpa's big cock."
I blame all of you, naturally.
of course, mealworms are a specific species. produced for commercial purposes. Maggots could mean any number of things.
Maggots are also produced for specific commercial purposes, to wit, the painless consumption of necrotic flesh.
56: wait, I don't get it. What was the "soup"?
It was just soup, but did not contain noodles as originally conceived.
And so what did it contain in their stead?
Didn't it smell bad?
Maggots are very clean organisms.
61:
It contained only soup, which soup attracted egg-laying flies. The eggs incubated in the soup and hatched larvae, colloquially called 'worms', which ate of and grew in said soup, and indeed were still live when the mom herself began to eat the soup, mom having decided, in her hurry and her hunger, to forgo the usual step of reheating one's cold soup, a step advisable not only because it often renders cold soups tastier, but also because it kills organisms which can habit and proliferate in cold soups, e.g., yeasts, molds, bacteria, and larvae.
JESUS CHRIST DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN EVERY FREAKING THING TO YOU PEOPLE
of course, mealworms are a specific species. produced for commercial purposes.
For, like, meals?
64: I think the real lesson here is to eat your soup cold; that way, at least you *know* if it has worms in it.
You people are grossing me out. Quit it!
Totally. Let's have a snot thread instead.
How fucking long had this soup been sitting on the stove? I thought this was going to be some sort of kids' science project gone bad. This story smells of urban legend. Reheating soup that's swarming with larvae does not make most people happy to go ahead and eat it.
There's a guy in Oregon marketing maggot cakes, initially for bird food. He prefers maggots fed with the manure of free-range, organically grown cattle. He's spoken theoretically about the possibility of marketing it as human food, perhaps as a protein supplement.
I had maggots grow in some ketchup I'd left out once. The ketchup became noticeably tangier, not in a bad way at all, but I threw it out anyway.
Maggots are also produced for specific commercial purposes, to wit, the painless consumption of necrotic flesh.
A discussion about this occupied some friends and me for nearly an hour yesterday. Revealed: To rid oneself of a tapeworm, one wants to perch over a dish of milk to lure the tapeworm out.
To rid oneself of a tapeworm, one wants to perch over a dish of milk to lure the tapeworm out.
Which side towards the milk?
This reminds me of a zoology professor in college who paid part of his tuition one year by selling the offspring of a tapeworm he picked up camping.
Whichever orifice out of which you want tapeworms slivering.
68: Some people are a little messy, Brock. Don't judge.
70 reminds me of the time my cat hacked up a tapeworm on the carpet. Mr. B. freaked out, so guess who had to scoop it into a jar so that we could take it to the vet and find out what the fuck it was?
a tapeworm he picked up camping.
Dear Boys Life,
I never thought it would happen to me, but one time I was out camping....
So you could just fill a toilet bowl with milk and sit down as if to take a shit?
73: I'm not judging, the story just lacks credibility. To return to my theme from upthread, does no one but me have a nose? I can't imagine getting several bites into a soup that had been sitting on the stove long enough to attract egg-laying flies, the eggs of which incubated in the soup and hatched larvae, which ate of and grew in said soup in such number and density as to be plausibly mistaken for vermicelli in the soup. Once you broke the surface of the soup with your spoon, the stench would be overwhelming.
I'm highly experienced in all manner of food spoilage. Most of the food in our house for most of my childhood was either rotten or on the verge of rot, and the very key to my survival was learning well and early to spot the difference. And soup that's been on the stove for weeks--yes, I know it well--stinks.
77: I've always been haunted by the story a girl told me in HS
My wife has virtually no sense of smell, so I'm left to fend for myself on these matters.
70 reminds me of the time my cat hacked up a tapeworm on the carpet.
Finally, the truth emerges.
When I was a child my grandmother gave me a box of crackerjacks that had, it now seems clear, been sitting on her shelf for a long time: prize = meal worms. I'm surprised I never developed an aversion to them. Crackerjacks, that is.
Fleur has banned me from telling indiscreet anecdotes in the unfogged comments, but babe, if you're lurking, you've got to tell the one about getting thrown out of the steakhouse.
selling the offspring of a tapeworm he picked up camping.
As "Mexican diet pills", perchance?
As "Mexican diet pills", perchance?
Worked for Maria Callas, or so the legend goes.
As "Mexican diet pills", perchance?
I believe to some kind of specimen supply company, but who knows where they ended up.
Most of the food in our house for most of my childhood was either rotten or on the verge of rot, and the very key to my survival was learning well and early to spot the difference.
By god, why, Brock?
Some things stink, others not. My maggoty ketchup was odorless, just tangy. The stinky stuff is mostly bacteria and fungi, I think.
I left out soe cheddar which gre maggots, and it was odorless as far as I remember.
I don't think maggots make food smell. They just nom nom nom, they don't break things down chemically, do they?
By god, why, Brock?
Because Brock grew up as a preindustrial European peasant.
I don't know, Brock, I wasn't there. I have no idea how long the soup was sitting on the stovetop. But it's easy enough for me to believe that the smell of the soup would not be a giveaway -- I come from a people with pretty stinky soups.
They just nom nom nom
Your impression of the cuteness of maggots is endearing, 'Smasher.
Yeah, that made me smile. Armsmasher made all the maggots in the world just a little bit cuter, for one sparkling second.
87: of course!
The smell of rotting attracts the flies, which then leads to maggots.
The soup would not smell from the maggots, it would smell from sitting out on the stove for several weeks. It might not smell just sitting there all on its lonesome, but as soon as you start dip a spoon in and start to stir it up it's going to smell bad. I don't care what kind of soup we're talking about.
nom nom nom
I believe the canonical form is om nom nom nom.
85: because I lived grew up in a house with no one else except my mentally-ill mother? Things got a bit better when I got a bit older and learned to do things like shop and clean out the refridgerator. But to this day I have a strong aversion to any food that does not come in a sealed package with a clear expiration date printed on it. I fight it, because I know that sort of food is mostly shit, but hey, that's what kept me alive.
You guys obviously fail to appreciate the importance of a sense of smell to our animal friends:
Dogs sniff out their path. Ants follow scent trails. Chemical navigation is a familiar animal skill. Yet its subtleties continue to amaze biologists.
New research shows, for the first time, how the albatross smells out food as it glides above the sea. Another study reveals that marine sulfur compounds, whose effect on climate influences global warming, also give off odors that play an unexpected role in the ecology of healthy coral reefs.
Or, for example, dogs when mating, and some guys,
Emerson's obviously been gobbled up by maggots. Too bad; he would have appreciated this rah-rah article on North Dakota.
Good Lord, what happened to the anecdote that was supposed to occupy the middle of my 78?
It related to drinking spoiled milk. Sheesh.
99: A tapeworm got it. Maybe some nice Kobe beef instead?
Yeah, I've been haunted by shit too.
79: Different cat.
Also, mentally-ill mother? So what is it about a mom who eats maggoty candy bars that you're so shocked by, then?
B, if in response to my question "what's wrong with your mother that she would bite into something like that?", you'd said, "She's mentally ill", I might not be shocked.
Well, it's not a direct cause/effect thing so much. I mean, she *is* mentally ill, which is part of why her diet consists of coffee, chocolate, and cigarettes, and maybe part of why she was always so greedy about new chocolate in the house that she'd bite into the damn thing right out of the grocery bag while waving us kids away, therefore not really looking at the food she was about to eat. But it could probably just as easily have happened to any other hungry impatient person tearing into a chocolate bar while they unpacked the groceries, too, I suspect.
The mental illness is probably part of why that particular anecdote stands out as one of the warmer memories of my childhood, though.
Emerson's obviously been gobbled up by maggots. Too bad; he would have appreciated this rah-rah article on North Dakota.
I like this quote from the article "Baton Rouge is a boomtown," says Mayor-President Holden. Given the history of boom towns that seems to be an unfortunate choice of words.
I've been sold a bag of seriously maggoty cherries while backpacking in Europe; it was oddly undisturbing, I think partially because I wasn't terribly clean myself at that point, and there was some "Hey, maybe eating maggoty fruit is just how they do it here!"
On Brock's point, something with bugs living in it doesn't necessarily smell bad. Stinkiness comes from bacterial/fungal growth, and maggots come from flies -- it's possible for something to get flies before it's got much bacterial growth. (And I'd expect that for a candy bar -- sugary stuff doesn't usually 'go bad' as such.)
Also, Brock is Ruth Reichl. (Search the page for 'rotten'.)
"Hey, maybe eating maggoty fruit is just how they do it here!"
You didn't happen to go out on a dinner date with Giovanni DiSalvi, did you LB?
Grubs big enough to cook taste like shrimp.
110: I hadn't read that in years. So great.
109: nah, more like little paper bags full of warm mayonnaise.
For maximum effectiveness, the method described in 70 should involve a brief preliminary fast and a warmed, steaming dish of milk.
Or so I've heard.