4. God's Love
5. Maggots in my sores
funny
The no racial preference bit rings a bit disengenuous.
Your comment rings of smacking, Sybil.
Your comment rings of something, w-lfs-n.
I do think you need to at least mention the celibacy thing.
I'm surprised you'd want to date this person, ben, but hey, desperate times, as they say…
One result of this is that I have fantastic endurance
Heh.
Exercise and Fitness, Healthy Living, Yoga/Meditation
s/b
Pontius Pilates
Yea, well, it doesn't smack of smacking. "Ringing" is a totally different rhetorical device.
Ringing veritably precludes smacking.
The point is that it rings of smacking, which is bad enough.
Sybil seems to condone ringing of smacking.
Sybil is a notorious pomo misassigner of valences.
There are few phrases I dislike more than "smacks of" constructions. I don't know why.
That 17 cuts to the quick. I take care with my valences. Smacking is complicated, as a verb, as a gerund. I am still trying to parse out the nuances.
So, uhhh, Ben. This may seem awkard, but through the link that you posted you can access your profile...
Just a heads up, mate.
Kotsko has already brilliantly and exhaustively parsed out the nuances of smacking. Seek no further.
For about a year after my mother died we still had her jelly and fruitcake and frozen vegetables to eat now and then.
Wrong thread. 22 smacks of panic.
Way to announce the vulnerability in a responsible manner, Jeff.
Waste of a good baiting opportunity, Jeff.
way to pick on me at an inopportune time, w-lfs-n.
I am sorry to hear that this is an inopportune time for being picked on, Sybil, but you know I did it with love.
So my joke at #9 really was accurate? Huh. Well, there it is.
seriously though, take down the link, it makes me nervous.
Eh, I'm new to the site. Didn't mean to cause any trouble.. INext time I'll pounce on it I suppose.
Unless I am badly mistaken, it should be sanitized now.
Some type of image file may be our solution.
It's just like a really inside joke now.
We certainly can't have any of those.
I've been reading this thread and don't understand what's going on.
Stand by while we upload Ben's credit card information.
It smacks of exclusivity already, that's for sure.
Unless by "profile" people mean "account." I thought the links was supposed to be to a profile.
Restore the original link, then we can all send letters from Ben to other young people seeking romance. It's past time for the collective forces of Unfogged to take young Ben's romantic life in hand.
It's past time for the collective forces of Unfogged to take young Ben's romantic life in hand.
Dammit, Ben, why can't you figure out how to use the internets?
A Taken In Hand relationship is a wholehearted sexually exclusive marriage in which, to the delight of both spouses, the man actively controls the woman. The degree of control and the way the husband retains control vary from Taken In Hand couple to Taken In Hand couple, but in all cases both husband and wife actively want the husband to have the upper hand. No matter how strong, tough and forceful a Taken In Hand wife may be, and no matter how hard she might try to take control in their marriage, she would be aghast if her husband were to let her get the upper hand. Likewise, no matter how loving, kind and considerate the husband may be, he prefers to keep his wife firmly in hand.
Much as a man with an especially large and vigorous member must seize it with an especially firm and masterful grip if either of them are to be made happy.
Nobody wants to hear about your large and vigorous member, John.
Yes, Ben, your desire to be taken in hand is clear. No more of this grammar nonsense, on pain of a spanking.
no matter how hard she might try to take control in their marriage, she would be aghast if her husband were to let her get the upper hand
"Don't listen to her; she doesn't mean it."
Her objections smack of submissiveness.
You just have to keep up the pressure until Stockholn Syndrome kicks in.
Or until she files for divorce, whichever comes first.
And believe me, you'll want it to be the Stockholm Syndrome. So call now to order my instructional video.
I have to go to bed, but I hope that by east coast morning this post links somewhere funny again. I'll take anywhere.
56, 57: It's often a close race and the suspense, gripping.
"After a long and successful career as a dog trainer, Apo realized that, while dogs are important, to many men their wives are equally important, or in some cases even more important. An ill-trained wife can cause many times as much trouble as an ill-trained dog, so....."
I shouldn't have laughed at 61, but I did.
Shit should finally be working now.
You have too much time on your hands, w-lfs-n.
If I didn't have plans on Tuesday night to make dinner for a recently-dumped buddy, we could have gone to see Cat Power at the Warfield. I forgot if you liked her or not, or if that's too mainstream for you.
Want Children: No
What sort of religious man doesn't want to be fruitful and multiply? Any good Christian girl will be suspicious when she reads this.
I really don't know what all this is about, but I found a suitable picture for the profile.
prideful?
Is that what the rest of us call 'proud'?
I hope that by east coast morning this post links somewhere funny again. I'll take anywhere.
Jessica Biel is in town this week shooting this movie. If I run into Biel, I'll ask her if her character would ever date a stylite.
that is the weirdest movie description i have ever read. and i don't really get the Jessica Biel thing. i find her forgettable-looking. as in, i literally forget what she looks like when i am not staring at a picture.
I thought she was rather pretty before she did all that weird facial surgery. But that movie, it burns. John Waters already showed us that extremely horny people are rather socially repulsive, and I think one needs to keep that in mind when making fakey pornography. I'm guessing that becoming incredibly lustful makes Biel turn into a simpering girly-girl, not a banister-humping wreck.
The Jessica Biel thing. Less complicated than you might have thought.
Although, come to think of it, I've never seen anything she's been in.
that is the weirdest movie description i have ever read.
At this point I'm not sure what's less believable: the nail-to-the-head nymphomania or the casting of a small state capitol as Washington, DC.
73: I'm getting a nail gun later today to experiment with, so I'll let you know.
74: Just be sure to get Jessica's consent before you go at her with that thing.
75: yeah, and he should keep the nailgun away from her, too.
When I look at her I can see that she is hot. And so on. I just can't remember what she looks like. I try to picture her and I can only get generic brunette hotness. Maybe that's the source of the appeal, actually.
Last night, Bave and I walked past a billboard for some new awful Patrick Dempsey movie and he said, "It must be horrible to be Patrick Dempsey," because all his roles are the sort of things that make him attractive to the worst kind of people---the whole Dr. McDreamy thing, etc. And I wondered who the female equivalent of that is. Jessica Alba? Has she ever played a role in which the point was not to be attractive to the kinds of guys who admire Dane Cook?
She was in "Blade II" (or was it "Blade III"? Surely I didn't also see "Blade III"?), which had a slightly different target audience.
Has she ever played a role in which the point was not to be attractive to the kinds of guys who admire Dane Cook?
Too Soon for Jeff, perhaps.
Jessica Biel was in Blade Trinity (an ok movie!), but AWB was talking about Jessica Alba, who really only has oggle (emphasis on the ogg) roles.
Jessica Biel was also in that magician movie with Ed Norton and Paul Giamatti.
I can only get generic brunette hotness
That seems odd, since she's actually kind of distinctive-looking.
84: I think Sybil means besides her ass, ogged.
Don't try to bring this discussion down into the gutter, M/lls.
I can only get generic brunette hotness
Oops, 87 posted before I read 86.
It could be that people who are attracted to men think more about what image they convey--teen heartthrob, sensitive boyfriend, brooding loner, man's man--while people who are attracted to women think more about, uh, butt shape. To be fair, male offerings for viewer concupiscence are a lot more varied, there being better roles for a wider range of dudes than there are for women.
"It must be horrible to be Patrick Dempsey," because all his roles are the sort of things that make him attractive to the worst kind of people---the whole Dr. McDreamy thing, etc.
But maybe he likes the worst kind of people. Maybe it's his life's dream for them to think he's attractive.
I wouldn't be surprised if he were a Dane Cook fan too.
There are few phrases I dislike more than "smacks of" constructions. I don't know why.
I find them less objectionable than "shades of", for some reason. And far less so than "natch".
When I look at her I can see that she is hot. And so on. I just can't remember what she looks like. I try to picture her and I can only get generic brunette hotness. Maybe that's the source of the appeal, actually.
Same here.
I thought she was the same person as Jennifer Garner for a while. Until Jennifer Garner was in "Catch Me If You Can" and for almost her entire time on screen I thought her character was going to turn out to be a male transvestite. Then I realized that Jennifer Garner is not as frail as the typical actress.
What's really funny is that the first time I linked to Jessica Biel photos and noted her hotness, I think she was clothed and shot from the front. The Jessica Biel's ass thing has since, of course, become a running joke.
Has she ever played a role in which the point was not to be attractive to the kinds of guys who admire Dane Cook?
Wikipedia says she's scheduled to appear in a production of A Woman of No Importance, replacing Lindsay Lohan in the role of Caroline Arbuthnot.
Come to think of it, except for the parts of Blade: Trinity that I've caught on television--ok, as vampire movies go--I've never seen a Biel movie, either.
Isn't part of this being attracted to a photo and a public image rather than an honest to goodness person that you can talk to or stand right next to? My wife got really alarmed when I said that Queen Latifah and PJ Harvey seemed nice; most of what's interesting for me is that they don't seem photoshopped. Celebrities just seem synthetic and boring. Beautiful, sure, but being able to put a name to the photo seems beside the point.
Jessica Alba was pretty good in The Illusionist. And heavily clothed throughout. I think she was even wearing a hat.
What? That's what happens when I can only see the actress's face, I can't tell if it's Biel or not.
I find Jessica Biel pretty unmemorable, too. Much more so than Alba. I'm sure her ass is perfectly friendly in person.
Wikipedia says she's scheduled to appear in a production of A Woman of No Importance, replacing Lindsay Lohan in the role of Caroline Arbuthnot.
On second reading, Wikipedia does not say specifically which role Biel might play in A Woman of No Importance. All in my imagination, it was.
I find Jessica Biel pretty unmemorable, too
If the only memorable thing about someone is how physically attractive they are--not even any distinctive physical attributes that make them hot--it doesn't seem crazy to expect that they're going to seem generically hot.
95: Why would your wife be alarmed by that? I'd be delighted to know my partner was attracted to non-Biel/Alba-type women.
Jessica Biel was in Blade Trinity (an ok movie!)
That movie was fucking awful.
She apparently felt that men are attracted to a type rather than to individuals, and doesn't like PJ Harvey. Makes sense, because I'm so clearly an amalgam of Brad Pitt, Steve McQueen, and Paul Newman.
What I really want is Jim Carrey's ability to do characters and Fred Astaire's dance moves instead of smoldering good looks and fists registered as lethal weapons.
Jim Carrey's ability to do characters and Fred Astaire's dance moves
An all-dancing Jim Carrey? My god, you aspire to be the most annoying individual in human history.
An all-dancing Jim Carrey? My god, you aspire to be the most annoying individual in human history.
To be perfectly safe, he should also have Jonah Goldberg's political opinions and Lou Dobbs' self-regard. And the voice of Penn Jillette.
And the voice of Penn Jillette Harvey Fierstein.
And the voice of Penn Jillette Harvey Fierstein. Gilbert Gottfried.
