But I *do* want you to squeeze my genitals, Labs.
I don't even know what "cheeking" someones face could mean, but I can't imagine it's pleasant.
The guy sounds... excitable.
You know, this was at Crooked Timber, and not categorized in their "Wandered in from Unfogged by mistake" category. I'm hurt.
This is why I don't use the locker room at the gym. Or go to the gym at all. Or leave the house, really.
sounds a cheerful guy that, abstractly
irl he would better be avoided
duality of existence, so to speak
You know, I always used to parody these sorts of things by saying 'I don't know what happened, I was walking, and my dick just ran into him', and then reality goes and makes me irrelevant.
The list starting with hugging and backslapping and moving on to genital squeezing is really reminding me of that joke about the guy who moves into a cabin in the woods, and two days after he moves in, a guy shows up on his doorstep. "I saw the smoke from your chimney, and thought I'd hike over from the next ridgeline to invite you to a party I'm having."
"Why, thanks."
"I have to warn you, there's going to be some drinking."
"Not a problem, it wouldn't be a party without it."
"And some drugs."
"I don't indulge myself, but I certainly have in the past; doesn't bother me a bit."
"And some swearing."
"Shit, man, who doesn't swear?"
"And some rough, dirty sex."
"What the hell? Who's going to be at this party?"
"Just you and me."
I imagine the whole thing going down rather like a cheerful game of "got yer nose!" played with a toddler. With, obviously, some significant differences.
The Onion does this kind of joke all the time.
Oh c'mon, people. He's just a sensual kind of guy. Why are you all so uncomfortable with that?
This must have been like a Three Stooges routine in the locker room. I hope there were sound effects.
When Keegan was about 3, I went to pick him up at the daycare, and the teacher pulled me aside for a brief talk. Apparently, they'd come around the corner and found him and one of his female classmates playing show and tell, IYKWIM. The teacher said she didn't want to make a big deal about it, but that they had talked to the two of them about it and didn't want us to wonder what had happened if he brought it up later.
So anyhow, we're driving home and I ask him, "Hey, what happened today with J------?"
He gives a God-not-this-again sigh and explains, as if he's talking to an idiot, "I forgot not to take out my penis."
"Well, could we try to remember that from now on?"
"Okay, sure."
"I forgot not to take out my penis."
I've tried this explanation. Not to very great effect.
14: and that's why you're not a senator.
and that's why you're not a senator Bill Clinton.
Well, maybe if his father set a better example....
Nothing adds to the fun like a tiger-stripe bikini-brief that cups your balls just right
Truer words were never spoken.
Okay, so from the linked article:
Stan Lindstedt, a professor of biology at Northern Arizona who served on the search committee that chose Cargol, said he thought the regents were snowed by Cargol's obvious "charisma" -- an intangible quality that would have made him a potentially fine fund raiser.
Truer words were never spoken.
Until I replace "tiger-stripe" with "alligator skin".
13 is great. I can just imagine Keegan's impatient scornful sigh... god, dad....
Well, maybe if his father set a better example
But I was just following Reverend Dobson's advice, B.
You should have snowed him with your "charisma", apo.
impatient scornful sigh
See, this is exactly right, but still surprises me. I don't remember being scornful, or even especially impatient when I was a kid, but now it seems de rigeur at maybe 4 but certainly by 6.
Is it seeing harried parents that does it to the kids? But my parents were harried, though not themselves habitually scornful. I am pretty scornful, though I try to moderate with the kid. If it's mimicry of parental scorn, this place and my friends are the wrong control group. Maybe I need to make friends at a church or a temple or something.
25: I bet you remembered not to take your penis out, too.
now it seems de rigeur at maybe 4 but certainly by 6
Keegan has always seemed much older than his actual age. Can I brag for a moment? He graduated from elementary school on Monday, and got the Principal's Award for the highest score in the school on the End of Grade math test.
28: dude your son is going to middle school? I certainly hope you've taught him how to freak girls on the dancefloor, because he'll be needing that skill day one.
Your son is a genius, Apo. (Also, I can't believe the comments that come in on old threads at your place. Wow.)
PK is upset b/c I didn't attend his second-grade graduation yesterday. It never occurred to me that it would be important. I suck.
I just haven't been meeting the right people, I guess, which again points to the churches and temples.
It should be "If the unwanted squeezing etc".
the comments that come in on old threads at your place
It's like a candle for schizoid moths.
32 is correct.
It could also be "If unwantedly squeezing your genitals is..." etc., etc.
Y'know, he could just describe himself as "gay" with a lot less typing.
32, 34: Or "if an unwanted squeezing etc."
33: Also, Allmighty Master Supreme Mayo showed up last week!
PK is upset b/c I didn't attend his second-grade graduation yesterday. It never occurred to me that it would be important. I suck.
No, the school sucks for making that shit a big deal for you to attend.
37: holy shit, that thread is awesome.
Second-grade graduation? Holy crap. That might barely be conceivable if he's leaving a K-2 school and entering a 3-8 school, if any such schools exist.
My middle school had the equivalent of a prom for a while, but cancelled it my year because the principal was disgusted by how much people were spending on dresses and limos and stuff.
I have to say that on the subject of elementary school graduations (where the kids are going to return to the same school), my views are summed up by The Incredibles surprisingly well.
38: Agreed.
40: Basically they have a whole school graduation thing. Which makes sense for, say, kindergartenders and 8th graders (at one point I guess made sense for 5th graders on their way to middle school). I was surprised (and kind of irritated) to find out that it was supposed to be everyone; it's the down side of the "We are a Community" thing that is just a wee bit overhyped at this school.
(Also I don't think I suck for not going. I think I suck for not realizing that it would seem important to him, and dealing with my not-going-to-be-there before I left town.)
28:
He graduated from elementary school on Monday, and got the Principal's Award for the highest score in the school on the End of Grade math test.
Is he left handed? If so I'll be sending him the membership forms.
And back to the topic of this post:
Boundaries dude, boundaries!
Sending the email itself is not appropriate for work. Doing the friggin' deed is like WAY over the line.
This guy doesn't just poop where he eats. He projectile vomits and explosive diarrhea's there too!
Yuk.
i think 'if unwanted...' is correct b/c he speaks not about a particular event or about one event only, but abstractly about any squeezing event, so there shouldn't be any articles, no?
though i'm not an expert on the articles sure
Judge Wellington has ordered San Diego County to hold the Mayo.
37 one never knows what is underneath
San Diego looked so nice and clean and idyllic
and after my visit all i read in the news are all these crime reports, the drug dealing ring, hate-crimes, now this, strange
It's hard out there for a condiment, read.
Or you could say "If unwanted squeezing of your genitals is criminal..."
47: if you'd like to find those things in San Diego, just go inland ten miles or so. Or to Pacific Beach, I guess.
43:
B,
Perhaps the little guy didn't know how much he would miss Mommy and is now using the "graduation" as a means to discuss his separation anxiety.
Maybe nobody knew beforehand and nobody is guilty.
Either way talking now about the separation feelings is a good thing and I bet you've already covered that angle.
You are a good Mom. Relax.
Is he left handed?
Nope. The two wives, three kids, and I make six righties.
Hey, we're in the market for a new chancellor. We oughta nominate one of the search committee to get within arm's reach of each of the candidates, just to see what happens.
25: Mmm. I've been running across mildly scornful kids my whole life, which granted, I'm not old enough to have any kind of authority on this, but it still seems the idea of the two-or-three-year-old lecturing his elders on what they just didn't understand is older than me.
53: just have the last interview in a sauna.
See, the thing with a lot of these administrative interviews, there's a predetermined set of questions the committee must ask, as if hewing to a script. Maybe we should add, "So, just what kind of guy/gal are you?"
56: I'm a slap-your-ass, drink-your-beer, adjust-your-thermostat, leave-my-socks-on-your-counter, jerk-off-your-dog kind of guy. So what's the salary band for this here chancellor position? I'm flexible.
"I forgot not to take out my penis."
Gotta love the rhythm method
I'm a check-your-oil, pee-on-your-laurel, drink-your-latte, lick-your-ass, avoid-the-other-thread kind of gay, and I'd totally take that job!
Nope. The two wives, three kids, and I make six righties.
Oh. Sorry. You may put my name down as a reference if that helps. Otherwise you are on your own. That's about all I can do.
Hey I wrote "gay" by accident in 59! What does that mean?
61: totally stumped. You'd think there's potential for a joke there, but I just can't figure it out.
61: That means it's genital-squeezin' time, Tweety.
51: Well of course. Nonetheless. The mama guilt is not to be reasoned away.
Y'know, I'm going to go ahead and quote this without context. Just because.
I grabbed a handful of my own semen out of Mother Teresa and flung it at the oncoming cops. They all got instantly pregnant and fell over. Even the men.
"I've had better," said Mother Teresa, sparking a match off her nipple and lighting up a joint.
It was then I knew I had to kill everyone in the city. With my penis.
I flexed my flaming meathammer. The road cracked in half. The cops exploded. So did the buildings. Everybody died.
Except me.
Result.
The end. Fuck off.
I just had a total Rule 34 moment.
Lizardbreath way back at 4 - fwiw I remembered that I should have done this 2 hours after posting, but was driving across Ireland so couldn't change. But I did know that someone here would certainly pick up on it ...
68: "A science fiction dominated by obsession with penis size, an adolescent terror of sex, sickening violence and massive, random, senseless explosions. Written with the sort of ugly, naive bluntness with which a disturbed teenager might craft the self-produced pornographic material that just barely prevents him from going off the rails and fucking all the neighbourhood pets to death." -- sounds like Warren Ellis to me.