The best response to "I bet you're judging me" is "of course, judging is inevitable."
Question for the gallery. What's the best response to "you think you're better than me?"
An ex-roommate of ours had a car so filthy with fast food bags that a cop, having decided we were junkies and thus searching the car for mountains of narcotics doubtless hidden beneath the papery waves, gave up his quest for drugs after shifting aside just one corner of the pile with the tips of two gloved fingers. It was so gross that it scared off the law.
(And of course I just set myself up, so that every future post for the rest of my years, someone will quip, "This was the horrible one, right? We're not judging!")
Question for the gallery. What's the best response to "you think you're better than me?"
"In every respect except moral worth."
3 - it doesn't make you start singing?
What's the best response to "you think you're better than me?"
"I am."
Also, my car isn't quite as bad as heebie's college date, but it is pretty bad. Judge away. I don't give a shit.
My car was first owned by a man with five children, and then had a farm cat accidentally shut in it for five days. We cleaned it with a steam cleaner and it still smells of ammonia on strong days.
What's the best response to "you think you're better than me?"
Laughter, surprised, delighted.
On hot days, that is. Verble smerble snarf.
In every respect except moral worth.
I am
These are both strong entrants. Has anyone here seen "Red Rock West?"
Yes, but not in a long time.
From Cala's link:
Let this be a warning to us all.Funny.
My car was first owned by a man with five children,
and every child had five immediate family members, the mother being deceased, and every family member had five immediate family members, and every family member had five immediate family members, and every family member had five immediate family members, and every family member had five immediate family members, and every family member had five immediate family members, and every family member had five immediate family members.
Man, children, family members, family members, family members, family members, family members, family members, family members: how many people were in the car when I bought it?
My best friend in high school and I used to claim our favorite song went like so:
"When you"
Are they still "people" if they're dead and crammed in the trunk?
"I do try not to fly in the face of public opinion."
he said, "I bet you're judging me."
"Yes I am, you dirty fucking hippy."
Man, children, family members, family members, family members, family members, family members, family members, family members: how many people were in the car when I bought it?
You were the bus driver.
Ummon, rebuking Tozan's spiritless responses, said: "You are good for nothing! You simply wander from one monastery to another."
You are Burl Ives, and I claim my five pounds.
The surgeon was the boy's mother.
Who cares about you anyway? You're nothing but a pack of cards.
12: Yup. It was no worse for wear, just very hungry and a bit annoyed.
17: That dealership in St. Ives always rips you off.
24.1: Oh, good. In that case, I'm really sorry about the car.
Question for the gallery. What's the best response to "you think you're better than me?"
You think you're worse than me. Who am I to disagree?
We're judging you for dating such a slob.
Actually, the best would be if you posted photos of your own car mess.
You might, if the plane landed right on the border, and you had to figure out something to do with them.
23: What if I give you this thermometer? Will you tell me then?
22 mysteriously annoys me. O Gonerill.
Many respectable elderpersons with jobs have that kind of car.
Not me, but if I did have a car, it would be like that.
12: Yup. It was no worse for wear, just very hungry and a bit annoyed.
Cf. engine dog (story).
33: Piss-smelling, or filled with fast food wrappers?
23: What if I give you this thermometer? Will you tell me then?
And before he had finished weighing the chocolate, Tozan was enlightened.
22 mysteriously annoys me. O Gonerill.
Uh oh.
I am chastened.
26: You'd have been tickled by my father-in-law's reaction. He is not a man given to emotional expression or sentimentality, but he fussed over that cat like most people fuss over new babies.
An ex-roommate of ours had a car so filthy with fast food bags
That was me in the early 70s. Had a big 4-door Ford, would get off work, light up a joint, stop at MacDonalds, throw the bag and drink container over my shoulder. Light up another, go to the party.
For like a year. Car eventually died in a suburb, I walked home and bought a motorcycle. Have no idea what happened to the car.
Maybe I should have left 41 a mystery.
40: Awww.
My mom's dad was like that. Farmer, taciturn, etc. But every once in a while he'd really light up, and it was usually over an animal.
17: Young w-lfs-n, there were but two, as you well know, having been present for the event -- myself and your mother, engaged in sexual intercourse.
We had met through the personals section of the New York Review of Books, and we found that one of the only things we had in common was that we can only get off if we're having sex in a car that is in the process of being sold. We eventually decided to be "just friends."
To one aspect of the post, the fact is that I don't judge someone for a car filled with junk food detritus -- one just observes, no? I see that you eat a lot of junk food, and you don't put a high premium on neatness -- but I would most definitely judge the littering.
Otherwise this all seems a manufactured exercise.
37: Fast food bags, etc. Piss wouldn't be entirely ruled out, but I wouldn't do anything to make sure it smelled like piss.
Now I'm remembering more gross stuff he did, like pee in a gallon milk jug while playing video games so he didn't have to get up. And puke in his dressor drawer, and then he shut it and pretended it never happened.
He ain't got a motor in the back of his Honda?
3 - it doesn't make you start singing?
No, but I guess it should have.
47: Heebie takes the "bad boy" thing to extraordinary lengths. The peeing-in-a-jug courtship strategy seldom works, at least not in my experience.
47: I tried to play it down by means of my last (hilarious) comment, but I guess it turns out that I was right to worry that you would mine our relationship for material once you became a fancy-pants "front-page blogger," Ms. Geebie.
47: Okay. Heebie, you really need to paint a clear scenario from the get-go if you're going to post about judging people. Ambiguity doesn't do.
54: Is that really you, Cunty McPoop-shoot?
Not everyone's as familiar with the archives as you are, FWC, so you might want to provide a link to that last hilarious comment of yours.
You remember my stage name!
47, 53: one of my college roommates kept a (varyingly) empty gatorade bottle next to the bed so he didn't have to walk all 8 feet down the hallway in the night.
We were mostly outraged that he neither hid the bottle when there were lady friends over, nor emptied/cleaned it at any consistent rate. Potential for high-stakes mistakes in the night seemed a little overwhelming.
It's "poop-chute" in polite company, Geebie.
I feel strangely pwned.
And puke in his dressor drawer, and then he shut it and pretended it never happened.
Yay, I dated Heebie! C'mon, my car wasn't that bad.
I don't think I have ever littered. 'Cept for cigarette butts, and I started pocketing those twenty years ago. I think it might have been that old Native American with the single tear.
Walking the dogs, I encounter litter, broken glass, every day in the nicest neighborhoods. I blame alcohol.
I think it might have been that old Native American with the single tear.
Who was actually Italian.
65 and the various stories of horrible young men in this thread just go to further support Adam's theory (which I think is completely correct).
She knew that there was a deep mathematical principle behind his practices, probably related to the Hairy Ball Theorem.
People laughed then, but when she gets the Fields Medal.... they probably won't notice, because what's the Fields Medal?
If that motherfucker was Italian, count on me to litter even if I have to make an extra effort. Motherfucking Pope!
Next thing he'll be giving up Mazola for the same reason.
Fuck the Germans too, then.
That's the most Charles Addams- / Edward Gorey- looking Pope ever, BTW.
Actually, I have no idea what most other Popes looked like. I welcome other suggestions.
Remember when Gay Nazis for Christ was just a clever name for an intramural softball team?
What's the best response to "you think you're better than me?"
I think everyone is.
The same ex-roommate with the cop-scaring car had this exchange with Rah just this weekend:
Him: "One time I was so tired and sick that I peed in an empty 20-ounce bottle in my room rather than go to the bathroom."
Rah: "And what was that like?"
Him: "Really terrifying at the end, because I peed exactly 20 ounces."
Stands to reason, if the bottle was a recent discard!
Stands to reason, if the bottle was a recent discard!
I know the old saying that women don't sweat, but apparently heebie doesn't fog mirrors when she breathes on them, either.
Do you reflect?
I thought Jim was a keeper. He had a job (tick box one), it didn't involve performance art (tick box two) and, when we met, still had all five digits on his left hand (add an addendum).
Three dates later, his "friends" cut off his index finger. It was a rowdy stag weekend, but even they rarely end in the loss of a digit.
I can't lie. The real reason we broke up wasn't because Jim had the kind of friends who stood by while he put his hand in a blender. Nor was it because he was the kind of man who got so drunk that putting it in there seemed a good idea. It was because it was his stag weekend.
Just one finger? The lady is being too strict. She's Obviously a controlling personality who will just keep adding on demands one after another and who will never be happy with anyone. 9-finger Jack is lucky to be rid of her.
Just to complete the survey: did Jack happen to be Scottish or Welsh?
I have a friend who -- tired after a day of bike messengering and maybe 20 or 30 bowls into the evening -- would piss in one of the many Mountain Dew bottles scattered around his room. He had so many because he would buy one every day on the way home from work, usually drinking about a liter or so and leaving the remaining, half-drunk bottle open on his floor. Once every few months or so he would pick up all the bottles in his room and throw them out.
Hey, guess what Mountain Dew's the exact same color as?
Hey, guess what Mountain Dew's the exact same color as?
Mello Yello?
82: very, very close. If you'd said "Budweiser", you'd be even closer!
The best part from apo's link: "Likewise, if, like my friend Sarah's last boyfriend, he hasn't made a friend since school, it's probable that his real interests don't run beyond boobs and computer games, no matter how many times he says he's seen The Mikado."
"And his dirty laundry." Reminiscent of the French Laundry....
84: and here I thought watching The Mikado, over and over, sobbing, was the way to cure my video game addiction.
Wow. Just, wow.
When does Ogged come back?
Give a hoot, don't pollute the gene pool.
And now I'm going offline to get some work done, so you'll have to continue this conversation on your own, Sifu, which doesn't seem to present a problem.
HEEBIE-GEEBIE,
The proper attitude any performing artist must have is "F you if you don't like it."
Anything less and you will corrupt the integrity of your art.
That is the correct attitude. In polite society the correct response to criticism is "that's one way to look at it" if you are feeling magnanimous or "if you don't like it don't read it" if you are feeling curt. If you are feeling curt perhaps you should stop that and attend to your writing.
99: Hoist by your own petard.
"on"
Bwahahahahahahaha
102: since a "petard" is a bomb, actually, Kraab is more correct.
100 to 100.
What's the best response to "you think you're better than me?"
Trick question. Who is saying this and what are the circumstances?
Otherwise the best response is anything from turning tail and flying like the wind to swinging the final blow that shuts somebody's pie hole. In between those one is also free to use words as appropriate.
103: pwned!
And in only three minutes! Ah, the oldies are still the goodies.
Turning tail and breaking wind shuts pie holes, too.
104: You think your responses are better than ours?
Okay, I haven't actually managed to shut down my damn computer yet, so I must mention this:
Hamlet re: Claudius
There's letters seal'd: and my two schoolfellows,
Whom I will trust as I will adders fang'd,
They bear the mandate; they must sweep my way
And marshal me to knavery. Let it work;
For 'tis the sport to have the enginer
Hoist with his own petar; and 't shall go hard
But I will delve one yard below their mines
And blow them at the moon: O, 'tis most sweet,
When in one line two crafts directly meet.
Further, it couldn't be more appropriate for Sifu:
Shakespeare's probable off-color pun "hoisted with his own petar" (i.e., fart) as reason for the spelling "petar" rather than "petard".
And puke in his dresser drawer, and then he shut it and pretended it never happened.
I knew this guy! Remember when he puked on his carpet and then cut out the offending spot instead of cleaning it? I could've warned you about dating that guy.
Fart, fart, fart, fart, fart.
Fail to clean.
113: Um, you left out the hoisting part.
What's the best response to "you think you're better than me?"
"So?"
God, you all are so petarded.
Except 117, which is peeptarded.
111: Sir Kraab,
Just what are you accusing me of, Sir? Are you saying I trolled this comment section, put a clue in my name, and then followed it up with a comment that would lead to flatulence, another clue?
Is that what you are saying?!
Do you think you are better than me?!
I'm just a poor guy out in the sticks who has come from humble beginnings who ban barely spell perogative. Don't pick on me.
When 117 rocks out, he plays the keytar. And gets keytarded.
MN is not the sticks. It's the center of world civilization.
121: Don't you know how centrifugal force works?
heebie,
Expanding on my answer in 101, your response, as a performing artist, to "Do you think you are better than me?" is:
"I. Do you think you are better than I. The "am" is implied."
Then run.
118, 120: I don't get these, but I think I've been insulted.
And the proper response is again, "So?"
MN is not the sticks. It's the center of world civilization.
Hush. I'm waiting to see if he goes for it.
120: And gets keytarded.
If the Black-Eyed Peas had redone that song as "Let's Get Keytarded," it would have actually been pretty awesome.
I think I've been insulted.
Is it really an insult coming from a heebie-geetarded blogger, though?
128: Fergie all humpin' a keytar.
I think I've been insulted.
Really Poindexter? How'd you figure that one out? What's your problem? You think you're better than I?
This thread almost gave me a sudden-onset coma.
128: Yeah, their decision to go with "Let's Get Keystarted" was lame.
am.
Hey. Belligerence is fun. Look it up.
125: I never asked the question. I know that when someone asks if I think I'm better than them, that I should pick up their hand and caress it and say, "Only based on looks, smarts, and charisma. But you've got the snaggle-tooth market cornered."
133, 128: so have I told the story yet of watching the Peatards perform "Let's Get It Started" at the DNC in '04, and thinking, uncomfortably, "I wonder how many of the people clapping along know the actual words to this song?"
Now I have, I guess. It was a weird feeling, let me tell you.
Is it really an insult coming from a heebie-geetarded blogger, though?
Rubber, glue, Mr. A---trophied blogger.
47 was sooo unbelievably disgusting.
I suppose a true "alpha male" can do such things and still be surrounded by willing women. Metrosexuals like me are stuck using the toilet. Like a girl.
"I wonder how many of the people clapping along know the actual words to this song?"
Yeah, but how many of them would have felt uncomfortable singing the real words?
The least you could do for yourself is shit in the shower.
139: it just seemed like a weird choice for, you know, celebrating the best and brightest of your political party. Couldn't they have gone with "I Wanna Be Sedated"?
Oh right, I didn't notice where you said you were. "I Wanna Be Sedated" doesn't fit to the rhythm, though. "Let's Get Sedated"?
136.1: Someone should do a book about the painfully awkward history of political campaign anthems. "Let's Get it Started" and "Born in the USA" could both make appearances.
144: Reagan and "The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades" would have to be on there.
I'm so bright my mother calls me "Sonny."
I knew a guy in college who puked on his roommate's carpet and covered it with a throw rug and it wasn't discovered for two days. That was a fluke. He dated my sister. Ah fraternities.
And my 'worst date' story involved a female puking on my car door and down into the door pocket and her subsequent request for a kiss at the door.
It was bad but not that bad.
I've tasted worse.
Metrosexuals like me are stuck using the toilet. Like a girl sitzpinkler.
144: I assume you're referring to when Reagan tried to use "Born in the USA." I still remember reading George Will's column about how great it was to have this cheerful, pro-American pop song. On the ball as usual.
I'm sure he thought the video portrayed America before Reagan brought us the morning.
