Are we sure we sure the "Drrity Thrity" cake wasn't being sent to novelist Thrity Umrigar to celebrate her dark elf priestess hitting level 60 in WoW? Because really, that seems like the most parsimonious explanation.
The cake I got Saiselgy for his book release, on the other hand, I took pride in.
Here's a recent effort from me and the Ruprecht girls. The brown sugar is supposed to represent soil.
I genuinely love these puffer fish.
Okay, this cake is completely awesome. Damn the symbolism, that's some craft.
Ha, I liked that one, too. Cake maker's on the wrong coast for us, though, ST. I find this one the funniest, though. So literal!
The wedding cake didn't seem to fit in the unintentionally bad category.
Those are some gnarly toenails on the footcake.
The plane cake was apparently done by Malki !, a true artist.
I am going to have nightmares about that "Full Belly" cake.
I believe Malki was the recipient and idea-originator of the cake, while Mike McCarey was the actual creator.
Worst cake idea ever.
That certainly tops the perennial favorite, dirt cake with jelly worms.
Another marriage-themed one. (The Carrie comment is in reference to this funny/horrible/misogynistic one earlier in the thread). Some other OK ones in that thread, this is probably the best group.
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File this one under "Tell Us Something We Didn't Already Know:"
Fleur and Knecht are incredibly lame. Our family has finally decided on a name for our dog: JP.
Yes, that would be the name he had at the dog shelter. We appreciate all your wonderful suggestions. We are a tough group when it comes to forming a consensus. Photo here
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Actually I rather like the Ruprechts.
And I give permission for Knecht to call me "Cartouche" when no one else is around.
I think that pets should always be named by the youngest child.
18: People with babies should be allowed to get pets too.
(and not have to name them "bop bopbopbop bopbopbopbopbop")
15: Suggestion! I knew someone named Jean-Pierre who was called JP -- pronounced and eventually written Jipé. If you still want to up the Frenchy level.
Or indeed people without children. Will no one think of the cat ladies!
As a general rule I support 'Art' and I know all art need not be beautiful or pretty but really - ugly cakes?!
Sure, it can be done, even done well, but I don't share that artistic vision. To put it diplomatically.
Eww.
9: A new hire at work brought one this week for a co-worker's going-away party. He asked me several times if I had any. Responding, "I'm afraid I couldn't bring myself to look at it," the first time apparently didn't get the point across.
18: I think that pets should always be named by the youngest child.
Otherwise, it would just be ⒶAnarchyⒶ.
Hey, I figured out the problem with the first cake. It is merely missing punctuation. The quotation is "Because a "Full Belly" should be. More? Then dream!"
It is a sad commentary on our capitalistic society. It juxtaposes the sad quote with the image of a utopia. Plus the patriarchy.
Natalie Portman's Bollywood movie. Via PZ.
18: I think that pets should always be named by the youngest child.
In our house we go by a vote, starting with a list of favorites and gradually winnowing the list down. My choice never wins, which is why I don't believe in democracy. Stupid democracy.
18: I know several adults who go by names that are essentially toddler-aged-older-sibling mispronunciations of their given names. Luckily these folks are all blue-bloody Yankees and grown men with goofy-ass names cause no consternation at the Hope Club.
The banker here in town is called "Tookie", for unknown reasons. His father the banker was called either "Stew" or "Stiff" (I forget which brother was his dad.)
I'm trying to imagine what a marriage to that woman would be like.
Of course, maybe there was a matching groom cake.
The commenters say that the bride is from Nigeria where effigy cakes are common. Huh.
32: Dear god I wish I hadn't read the comments. "Oh, so it's part of her cultural heritage? Still looks stupid from where I'm sitting! HAW HAW HAW!"
Wouldn't you know, I hadn't read the comments either. Today's lesson in cross-cultural communication!
Dear god I wish I hadn't read the comments. "Oh, so it's part of her cultural heritage? Still looks stupid from where I'm sitting! HAW HAW HAW!"
The society that invented the Hummer does not get to laugh at other cultures' celebrations of self.
Babycakes, read by the author.
(The Carrie comment is in reference to this funny/horrible/misogynistic one earlier in the thread).
Misogynistic?
With this single post, Heebie has completely justified her existence.
(Although I have to say, making fun of people who actually do their own cake decorating is really shitty.)
The story about the plaid copycat cake was the one that made me weep a little.
I've seen this cake before and actually love it.
42: the site aims to only mock professional cakes. Is it okay to make fun of people with poor reading comprehension?
45: Only if they read professionally. You know, like an English professor.
On further perusing this site, were all these cakes actually *not* amateur-made cakes done by people in their own homes? Because some of the ones that look *distinctly* like something I'd turn out--or even worse--are said to have been actually done in real bakeries....
I wish I could point my mom at this site (she's a professional cake baker and decorator, mostly weddings), but it's image-heavy and her internet connection is terrible.
Pwned by Tweety. I retract 42 and join the Cake Wrecks site owner in utter horror at some of those monstrosities. Wow.
43: Every time I look at that plaid cake I laugh until I cry.
It makes me cry until I laugh. I keep thinking, "My God, what miserable person could have made that? How drunk could she have been? And how disturbed to not offer a refund?"
It brings me joy just to think of it. Imagine delivering it? How amazing that must have been! It's just so wonderfully sunken and broken and absurdly decorated. I promise to make you one for your wedding, Bear.
Actually, that would be pretty awesome.
40: Misogynistic?
Hmmm, now why might someone think the whole Carrie phenomenon was a bit misogynistic?
54: Or the disembodied ass cakes. Which are also disturbing on a purely mundane level, because ass cake.
Re. the plaid cake, the truth that no one is mentioning is that the model the baker was supposed to follow was *also* ugly.
To me, it looked like the sort of cake an architect would want, something that looks a lot more like a building than a foodstuff. Also, I kept thinking not even a master cake decorator would want to agree to do something requiring hundreds of perfectly parallel lines in fondant.
How did I miss the plaid cake? Linky linky?
Plus, the advantage of the imitation cake is that not only was it marvellously hilarious, but when it arrived, you'd know that that right there was the one thing that was inevitably going to go just terribly, terribly wrong, and that you could therefore relax because everything else was going to go just fine.
This is my wedding superstition.
The imitation cake was awesome. Like Jabba the Hut had been run through one of those egg-torture-clamp-decorators.
As I've mentioned, our pâtissier was also a fuck-up. At least the croquembouches were lovely when they finally arrived.
Our wedding cake had a basketweave done in buttercream. Which is notable only because my mother-in-law, who used to decorate cakes professionally, ended up staring at the cake for five minutes trying to figure out how it was done before the best man nudged her away. And because oh, that plaid cake!! wow.
I'm totally going to push for this, but an actual cake.
If the cake decorator commits suicide, I win!
There are a lot of good ideas floating around, really.
65: They have edible ink printers nowadays; that would be fairly doable, actually.
Fuck inkjet. I want that shit drawn by hand.
The technology isn't quite there for inkjet printers loaded with shit anyway.
68: Fuck inkjet. I want that shit drawn by hand.
How many digital age John Henrys must we lose to satisfy artisanal snobbery?
Aw, hell, if I get married at any point, I want to have a gigantic fruit tart.
Pity Jammies. He's going to have to come up with one of those fancy islamic non-repeating tilesets.
I don't know why this one isn't on the blog.
My oldest brother (let's call him Bob) gave a penis cake a few years ago to one of his oldest friends (let's call her Sue). You see, my charming brother deflowered Sue when she was 15 and he was 16 or 17 and he remembered the date because it was his birthday. So when the 30th anniversary of this date came up, he got her a penis cake that said "Thirty years of Bob!" He's kind of an ass. She thought it was hilarious.
...Add in the picture of the scruffy-looking guy ...
As a scruffy old guy, and a proud member of the scruffy community, I must protest this hurtful bigotry and prejudice. Many scruffy people do not, in fact, want to diddle your children. This stereotype, based in fear and ignorance, can only bring needless fear and divisiveness to weaken America in the face of our enemies.
Scruffy Power! [Rased fist]
76: Dude, we weren't saying anything about that.
Unconscious antiscroffonormativity raises its ugly head again. Painful as it is, we must look again at the words of the post:
Add in the picture of the scruffy-looking guy ... and you've got some seriously disturbing cake imagery going on.
It is truly written:
Thirty cakes united around the hub
It is the scruffy guy that makes the image disturbing
Remember the subtext! [raised fist]. The text that can be told of is not the true text.
Pistachio ice cream is really good.
Ben how do you cut to the heart of the matter like that?
It's a knack of some sort, which cannot be taught.
Can knacks be taught in other circumstances?
Other than the circumstances surrounding your own knack, again so evident.
I'm not sure why you think they might, since I didn't mention my knack's circumstances when saying that it couldn't be taught.
That lotus foot cake is spectacular. Ugly, to be sure, but compelling! Are those bits of almonds for the nails, or just carefully moulded frosting? I wish there were an appropriate venue for this thing, but what.
82: It's a knack of some sort, which cannot be taught.
Ben's knack was raised by wolves, speaks no human language and refuses to be domesticated.
I bet there exist pastry chef fora, JM.
Well, whatever the circumstances surrounding your own knack, it cannot be taught, so if I were to ask if there were any circumstances in which a knack could be taught (the question to which I would, in fact, be interested in the answer), I would really be asking if there are any circumstances besides those surrounding your knack under which a knack can be taught, because for your knack, and the circumstances surrounding it, I already know that the answer is no, it cannot be taught. So I thought I'd make that clear.
Chicken sexing can be taught, but is it a knack? Deep questions, which take us to the borders of our language.
The reverent of the final "it" in 90 is unclear. I'll get the knack of this "English language" someday.
74: The gingerbread crack house in that group is greeeeeat.
75 is awesome, and I'm actually kind of impressed by your brother, O.
75 is awesome
Well, that's one way of describing it, I guess.
(Hey, B, did you buy that house or what?).
We're still waiting on the inspection, which is waiting on the loan paperwork, which is waiting on the government. Presumably things will be nailed down more or less by September.
Pistachio ice cream is really good.
I'm partial to walnut. But agreed, that nut-flavored ice creams are the best.
92 said reverent instead of referent, and was therefore justly ignored.
We're going to make us some fresh peach ice cream sometime soon here.
I just saw a recipe for olive oil ice cream, and before I go making a batch of something potentially gross I'm wondering if anyone here has ever tried such a thing?
I hear amazing things, mrh, but I hear them from Blume, who I'm not sure has ever tried it either. Sure does sound good, though.
100: I've never tried it, but a friend of mine went to some snooty restaurant where they served it and she said it was delicious, but really rich. A small, small scoop is all you need.
There's a recipe for it in my snooty ice cream cookbook. I think you'd need really high quality olive oil, tho.
Probably extra extra virgin, not just the regular extra virgin.
When someone makes flavored ice cream, does that mean you take unflavored ice cream, and add in the flavor? Or does it mean that you start with milk, and make the ice cream itself?
I assume we're talking here about starting with milk & cream & flavorings and making the ice cream itself.
Related: I have been having fantasies about buying an ice cream maker and churning out awesome wacky recipes. My honey has suggested that store-bought ice cream is probably going to be better and cheaper and less hassle than anything I am going to be able to come up with. My mother's ice cream maker, one of the old kind that involved salt and four hours, is the only one I've ever used, and it certainly doesn't disprove my honey's argument. The newer ones I've seen online are bigger than a microwave and twice as unwieldy. So what gives on the ice cream maker front?
olive oil ice cream
It's a massive improvement over Crisco Ripple.
Speaking of nut-flavored things, Brazilian cashew drink is bomb.
106: We have one that makes about a quart or so at a time. It consists of a base that has a motor, a double-walled cylinder filled with some sort of liquid that freezes and stays cold, a plastic scraper attachment that goes in the cylinder and a clear plastic cover. The motor turns the cylinder, and the scraper locks against the cover, so it stays still and scrapes the inside of the cylinder to churn the ice cream.
It does require a bit of thinking ahead, because the freezer cylinder has to be frozen for at least 24 hours. But it churns the ice cream in about half an hour, though it's best to freeze it afterwards.
The big difference is taste and no additives.
The ice cream it makes is good? And how big is the total apparatus?
Ours sounds like it's the same as Cala's. The entire unit is less than half the size of our microwave, I'd say. CA is making sour cherry sorbet in it today.
The ice cream it makes is going to make a very happy fat woman, it's so good.
It's about the size of a blender, maybe a little wider but not as tall. This is the one we have.
112: Ha. Yes, that is exactly the one we have.
I had delicious chilled peach soup with frozen yogurt in it.
Amazing.
We have that one too. You can make elaborate ice creams, but one nice things is that you can throw in some berries, some honey and some greek fage yogurt and have a quick dessert in 20 minutes. It doesn't keep well. Gotta eat it all.
Okay. I am SOLD. I will prove my honey so so wrong.
I just told him about it, and he pointed out, not unreasonably, that we don't yet have a blender, a food processor, or a microwave, and so why the rush for an ice cream maker. Because it's rad, was the only possible answer.
100: I've had it at a Batali restaurant. Absolutely delicious.
greek fage yogurt
OK, I just saw this for the first time ever the other day. What on earth is it, and how is it different from the yogurt I'm used to?
(Nobody better make a SWPL comment about this.)
I've got the same ice cream maker as everyone above, and due to my influence, now so does Sifu.
I don't have a food processor or a microwave. But either a blender or food processor is useful bordering on necessary for ice cream making, so you can puree fresh fruit.
I know I'm gonna be totally outnumbered on this, but Fage is different because they strain it, thereby making it thick and gross.
You should be able to pour yogurt. The ubiquity of pectin in American yogurt is an abomination.
Pectin in yogurt is gross, but I am a big fan of thick, rich Euro yogurt that isn't technically yogurt but rather cheese. Like those teeny tiny French ones.
Ooh, I like those too. They have a different kind of thickness than the Fage does, though. Creamy, rather than strangely thick and coating.
thick and gross. delicious. Fixed.
I also believe it has a higher %age of fat. 10, I think.
Fage is different because they strain it, thereby making it thick and gross. delicious. Fixed.
I also believe it has a higher %age of fat. 10, I think.
Dammit.
The stateless societies I named mostly got their independence from geographical difficulties in conquering them, and to a lesser degree from economic poverty making them less tempting for conquerors.
Mmmm, Fage.
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This Bay fellow can really field!
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As a result, these stateless societies were unfamiliar with the concept of "ice cream".
Greek-style yogurt is thicker and deliciouser and also, IME, tangier. Fage seems to be the most expensive option, at least around here.
I too have had olive oil ice cream at a Batali restaurant, and it was really good.
Greek-style yogurt + honey + diced crystallized ginger + walnuts = a pretty damn good breakfast.
This Bay fellow can really field!
Thanks, Pittsburgh! Manny who?
This Bay fellow can really field!
I miss Manny.
132: there's a ton of kids next to me with "Manny Who?" signs.
Fage seems to be the most expensive option
This just increases my dissatisfaction with it. You take out a good portion of my yogurt, and then you charge me more for it?
Regarding the tanginess, though: this quality does make Fage an acceptable substitute for crème fraîche in some instances.
I meant Fage is the most expensive of the greekish yogurt options—Greek Gods yogurt is cheaper.
Think of it the other way 'round: your watery, pusillanimous yogurt is only cheap because it's been cut with non-yogurt elements.
Uh, you mean milk? Do you understand the process of yogurt making, young Ben?
Do you deny that milk is a non-yogurt element?
Yogurt is made from the flesh of the Yog.
Not even you would be so brazen.
Cabot Greek-style yogurt is cheaper, too, but still more expensive than plain whole milk yogurt.
134: Ingrates. Boston fans: all about teh class.
Oh well. It's just sad when the personality at the center of your cult of personality leaves town.
a Batali restaurant
Fuck Ma/rio Bat/ali with a rusty spatula.
(I've never eaten in one of his restaurants, but he earned my undying hate when he mangled the etymology of "ghetto" on one of his old shows on Food Network. If you're going to be smug and supercilious about something, fucking GET IT RIGHT.)
And the episode at the beginning of Bill Buford's Heat, when he completely takes over the dinner party he's been invited to, just confirmed my hatred.
Yeah, everyone I know who's eaten at one of his restaurants loved it.
Speaking of European yogurt, this was quite aptly named.
Do you deny that milk is a non-yogurt element?
????? Yogurt = cultured milk. There's no cutting with anything, unless you're going to add flavorings.
Speaking of European yogurt, this was quite aptly named.
And naturally pure! Not like whatever weird yogurt Ben's been eating.
There must be some way to work transubstantiation into this.
Babies make excellent yogurt in small quantities.
You can lead some milk to culture, but you can't make it yogurt, Blume.
I can make it yogurt. I have been making yogurt for years.
Well, I can't make non-organic milk into yogurt. Nothing will grow in there.
I adore eating at Lupa.
MB, though, is by all accounts a scary cad.
It's not as if the stuff that drips out when you strain yogurt is more yogurt.
Batali's pizzeria, Otto, is only good, not excellent, and he admits this, which I think is good of him. I've eaten there several times and enjoyed it, but when I really want great pizza, there are at least four or five other places I'd rather go. Otto has a really nice wine bar in the front, excellent small plates, and time-stopping gelato, but the pizza's like yum, not ZOMG-yum.
He's a dick, and pompous, and not half as knowledgeable as he thinks himself, but he does seem to have a good sense of how his food is. Haven't been to Babbo, but have heard excellent things about the tasting menus there.
Batali's dad's place is also said to be great. Haven't made it up there yet myself.
I am indeed, Oudemia. And a Handsome Prince! And a Big Bad Wolf.
What's the difference between yogurt and an eisteddfod?
Both are swipple, but and eisteddfod has more legs.
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Woo crazy thunderstorm delay!
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106/109: I recently acquired the same model ice cream maker as Cala, and it's loads of fun to experiment with. There are any number of similarl models available for $50 or less. The microwave sized ones have an internal refrigeration capability, which makes them an order of magnitude or so more expensive.
One thing you should be aware of is that it costs roughly as much to make your own ice cream as to buy it, because the retail markup on the ingredients (cream, fresh fruit) is quite high. And that's before you factor in the amortized cost of the machine and the value of your own time. So unless you're really into the swipple satisfaction of making your own, just spend the money and buy a good premium brand.
Me, I enjoy making it, and I enjoy experimenting with different flavors. And I like the taste: there's no emulsifiers or stabilizers to detract from the taste of fresh cream and fruit.
Fleur, OTOH, is skeptical. Yesterday evening she chastized me for "wasting valuable dessert energy" on making ice cream that could be easily acquired from a small-batch artisanal producer within walking distance of our house.
The fact is that anchovy ice cream is almost unavailable in most markets. Either you make it yourself, or you don't get it.
168: It is less expensive, perhaps, for sorbets.
170: Good point.
You can also economize by buying cream from warehouse type places (e.g. Costco), where a one quart container costs about the same as a pint-sized container from a grocery store. Cream keeps well, and a quart will make 3-4 batches of ice cream, depending on how creamy you like it.
The ancient Turks had no word for "penis".
171: My problem when I did have an ice cream maker was that you could make it just as rich and fat and buttery as you wanted plus it really did taste better if you ate it all right then. A little like the "realized I could make bacon whenever I wanted" xkcd cartoon.
The ancient Turks had no word for "penis."
Someone kick dear Emerson; his dial's stuck on Groin Trivia.
It was a response to a Turkish penis enlargement spam that has been criminally deleted. The Turkish word for penis is "penis".
