By which I mean, becks just asked me to do a post about this, and it was almost done.
You are now My Own Personal Jesus, apo.
I have no choice now but to plunder it for comments.
What's more offensive to me than gentle fun-poking at the image of a rangy, wangy anointee is the transformation of the original post's emphasis on "will" using asterisks (to wit, "*will*") into some kind of incomprehensible quotation mark-embraced "‘will’". This lack of attention to textual fidelity makes Bill Donohue a laughingstock in my eyes.
Congratulations, kids! I'm so proud of you both.
(But seriously -- wasn't B's point that even she, as a bad Catholic, was *offended* by Balloon Jesus?)
becks just asked me to do a post about this
You guys should have let me know that. You should post it anyhow.
Wow. That is some high-octane disingenuous there:
The writer then objects to some children's toys on the grounds that they are more offensive than desecrating the Eucharist.
I'm willing to vouch that B. is digustingly traditional, wholesome, and centrist.
I blame Becks. She'll never succeed in management until she learns the importance of communication.
Wait, I thought that the child communicating digitally on Bitch PhD 's banner was a girl. The link identifies the child as a boy. Clarification is in order.
Patriarchial erasure of the feminine, Leech. Standard operating proceedure.
Thought so. I guess you can't believe everything you read on the internet.
I'd just like to take this opportunity to affirm that I am not a Left Eliminationist, and that I do not believe that all, or even any, Republicans be impaled and then fed to starving hogs. The very though is abhorrent to me, and I would never eat ham from a Rove-fed hog, and not because I keep kosher either.
When I spoke about doing so, it was a figure of speech -- technically a "notlob". My intention was to express my utter abhorrence of the idea of impaling Republicans and feeding them to hogs. Especially Karl Rove. People who read me literally utterly fail to get my real point.
Also, I have no hog farm and do not intend to get one. Nor do I have an impaling stake (though they're pretty easy to improvise). Impaling your enemies is a barbaric practice and we Americans, of all people, should refrain from using it.
So am I getting it right that Donahue is endorsing penis-endowed balloon sculptures of Jesus, and finds those who disagree with him to be offensive?
As best as I can reckon, the only reason Dr. B is mentioned in this press release is Donahue likes to say "Bitch" without anybody being able to call him out on it. Apparently saying "apostropher" isn't so much fun.
I can't believe that you got no hate, Apo. How can we trust someone like Donahoe who misses an evil that large?
I guess that band Erasure was both patriarchal and feminine, sorta.
Bill Donohue could only find 2 blogs to complain about among 120+?
Apo is so charming that he's hard to hate, especially in the mullet picture.
Congratulations, Bitch and Apostropher!
I'm so jealous! Doing something that will get me denounced by the Catholic League is on my bucket list!
Well, also, I have no credentials to revoke.
The link identifies the child as a boy
And Bill Donohue as a moron. Not the first time.
I've been meaning to ask: Where is that photo from? I know I've seen it before, and I love it.
Maybe Obama can his big reaching out to the evangelicals Sister Souljah moment by denouncing bitch and apostropher! While holding a balloon Jesus! Wouldn't that be cool!
The release only mentions things from the top of the current front page. I think we should be offended for B that Donohue didn't even care enough to scroll.
IIRC B isn't sure herself. It's now from her, basically.
25: It would also be cool if I could write.
It would probably be even cooler if I just shut up.
Well, also, I have no credentials to revoke.
That's no fucking excuse! That's credentialism, or elitism, or classism. It's definitely some sort of -ism.
Someone should start an online petition to have Apo (and peep, and anyone else who wants in) condemned as well. No segregation by credentials! No condemnation, no peas!
This is like a pale photocopy of a great day in blogging. Sure, someone we were talking about shows up in comments, and we've got personal ties to reject-and-denounce, but on the other hand it's Amy Alkon and Bill Donohue.
Maybe Obama can his big reaching out to the evangelicals Sister Souljah moment by denouncing bitch and apostropher! While holding a balloon Jesus! Wouldn't that be cool!
Just watch, the balloon Jesus would pop while he was holding it. (damn pointy flag lapel pins!) That would be useful for the "He May Be The Messiah, But Is He The Evil Messiah?" commercials.
You know he spared you because you're hetra-sexual, Apo. Those Towerload boys with their phallic imagery just had to be mentioned. And Jesus' balloon penis. You can't fit every dick in one press release.
"He May Be The Messiah, But Which Messiah?"
I'm so proud of you, Bitch and Apostropher. I always knew you would make the big time.
24: I think it's from a photograph that's up at Birds restaurant, across from the Scientology Celebrity Center in Hollywood.
12 yrs of Catholic school could not have prepared me enough for this moment. Sort of denounced by proxy by Bill Donohue.
I'd put the odds at 50-50 that B. gets a call from the bookers for the O'Reilly Factor within the next 72 hours.
I always knew you would make the big time.
Whoah, there, helpy-chalk. A Donahue stunt isn't "big time" until it gets picked up by Fox News. IOW, give it a couple of hours.
Bill Fucking Donahue is pissed at apostropher and B but it's OK for him to go on TV and froth over how "Hollywood loves anal sex?" Dude needs some downers in the worst way.
I'm so proud of B and apo, though. Gods, it's beautiful.
B wins, Donohue had to go comment diving to find offense on Towleroad.
While most of them offer legitimate commentary, some do not.
To allow them access to the Democratic National Convention sends a message to Catholics they will not forget.
Nothing like a good bit of bracing religious hubris and implacability.
I hope Michelle M@lkin picks this up. She was *all* over the Marcotte-anti-Catholic bullshit. There's a chance!
Anyone care to speculate about what vice/scandal/crime will be the downfall of Bill Donahue when it is revealed? My gut tells me it will be misappropriating nonprofit funds to pay for personal luxuries, but I'd like to think it will be something more dramatic, like getting outed by a gay callboy or using nonprofit funds to pay for fetish sex. More prosaically, I could see it being revealed that his organization is being bankrolled by some obviously non-catholic benefactors who are sympathetic to the Republican party--like a pharma company that manufactures birth control pills or something.
With the price of bread these days we should hope they show up here riding a tidal wave of pastries.
It's a girl.
Are you judging by the long, feminine hair? That is normally a indicator of girlness, but it could be PK.
44: Not pedophilia? For hyper-religious guys of a certain age and ugliness, that's always my guess.
It's def. a girl int he banner pic. B has a story about meeting one of the women depicted; or maybe about meeting the guy who took the pic of his daughters. Or some such.
Anyone care to speculate about what vice/scandal/crime will be the downfall of Bill Donahue when it is revealed?
The story probably won't be that BILL DONAHUE IS A MURDEROUS NECROPHILIAC WHO IS INTO CHILD PORN. Because that's not true. Again, I don't think it will be legally proven that BILL DONAHUE IS A MURDEROUS NECROPHILIAC WHO IS INTO CHILD PORN.
B. has a post somewhere about the provenance of the pic. It is a girl, and it's on the wall of an LA resto, probably Birds, like jms says, but I can't remember.
Dammit Apo, Balloon Animal Jesus was a Fafblog Picture Of The Week, back when Fafblog did Pictures Of The Week. Farbers are in order!
"Towleroad describes itself as 'A Site with Homosexual Tendencies.' Accordingly, it shows men in jock straps and underwear. It also has a post on Pope Benedict XVI that takes him to task for wearing a cape with ermine.
Wearing an ermine-lined cape with your jock strap is so tacky. Even if you are the Pope.
46 was more about poking fun at B's child-rearing. It is easy to tell from a study of the child's face that the child is a girl and of age to complete in Olympic gymnastics.
This is the best news of the campaign season. Well, at least since Obama won Iowa.
A theological question has occurred to me: is it wrong to masturbate to Jesus, Balloon or otherwise, on the grounds that he is dead, or is it okay, since he has risen?
The problem here is that they're treating bloggers as if they're press, and they treat the press as if they're elected officials. Isn't blogging supposed to be about, you know, free individuals, writing? Isn't that the point?
BPhD's post was pretty fargin vanilla, IMO. Balloon Jesus is horribly kitsch. OTOH, it would have been totally cool if the real Jesus was an anthropomorphic balloon, and when the Romans went to nail him to the cross he exploded KABOOOM! That's a religion I could get behind.
You are in good company. Kathy Griffin talks about this in her latest show. I think she said something like the Catholic League is like one guy.
Their website makes it clear they are in no way associated with the Catholic religion. They get no money from them.
So then the question remains - who do they think they are? I'd think they have bigger fish to fry but apparently not. Off they go, tut tut tutting.
55: It is not only okay, it is mandatory, as a physical reciprocation of Divine Love.
55: I think it's okay any day but Friday, when you have to substitute a Jesus Fish.
The question of who the Catholic League thinks they are is a good one. I thought one of the benefits of Catholicism was that it discouraged that kind of entrepreneurship.
61: Bill Donohue has a League, Adam. Do you have a League?
61: Good point. Has the Vatican ever commented on the Catholic League?
55: If my imaginary memories of my imaginary Catholic education are correct it's only ok to masturbate to Jesus if you are a nun.
I think Kotsko should run the League of Catholics, with a nice logo-badge thing and lots of sociopolitical objectives.
B has a story about meeting one of the women depicted; or maybe about meeting the guy who took the pic of his daughters. Or some such.
The vanilla nature of the original post makes me worry that this won't be picked up by other morons. I know their job is to manufacture outrage, but don't you have to give them *something* to work with? At least, if you aren't giving them anything to work with, and someone else gives them something, won't they pick on the other guy?
Does everyone in the Catholic League have a uniform? You know, like in the Justice League or the American League.
I paid $137.50; you're damn skippy I'm masturbating to Jesus.
I usually give up masturbating to Jesus for Lent; the shortest I ever held out was the year The Passion was released.
Can I start the Jewish League?
Will the press pay attention to me then when I condemn things?
This is totally doable. I promise if one of you starts a Catholic League, I will comment under various names on your site to make it look like hordes of outraged soccer moms.
67: Did you know that bitch has an open marriage?
I am outraged!
I'm not Catholic, but I'll pretend to be Catholic to start a pretend Catholic League if the rest of you will pretend to be my pretend Catholic followers.
70 is some first rate trolling.
68 - or the Evil League of Evil.
I'm thinking of starting the Leaguey League of Leagues as sort of an umbrella organization to coordinate lobbying on League related public policy issues. There will be uniforms, oh yes there will.
is it wrong to masturbate to Jesus
That depends. If your fantasy involves penetrating any of the stigmata, then it is not only wrong, but sick.
Knecht is off his rocker. That's standard issue fare.
70 is some first rate trolling.
Why? Because masturbating to Jesus is normally how one passes time during Lent?
sn't blogging supposed to be about, you know, free individuals, writing? Isn't that the point?
What? And let girls get fancy ideas about thinking their own thoughts? Fie!*
---
* On my screen, "Fie!" looks a lot like "Pie!" which is a pleasant non sequitur.
79: Well, of course, around here everyone will understand your desire to give up masturbating to Jesus for lent, and especially how the incredible sexuality of The Passion of the Christ would break down your resolve.
I guess I really was just suggesting that you take the comment somewhere where someone will be baited by it.
Why? Because masturbating to Jesus is normally how one passes time during Lent?
They don't call it "stripping the altar" for nothin', you know.
82: I'm very confused. I took your 75 as a joke in the same series as mine and 69, 60, 59, and 55. If you non-jokingly thought that I was actually trolling, well, one of us has problems with humor.
No, because I'm a bigger man than that.
Balloonnier? More inflated?
I think the world needs a Catholic Consortium, mostly cause the name is so good. I can't create the consortium myself though, since I'm not Catholic. I'm Methodist, and M is a tough letter to alliterate. "Methodist Minions" doesn't cut the mustard.
I didn't think you were actually trolling. I just was trying (unsuccessfully) to compliment you on the joke and how many taboos it broke at once.
87: Oh, I see—I was unsuccessfully reading, then. It had never occurred to me that there could be another, better meaning to "take your comment elsewhere."
STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT. CAN'T YOU SEE YOU'RE TEARING THIS FAMILY APART?
Magisterium, M/lls. I don't know how SK can stand you.
I don't know how SK can stand you.
Because I'm not a little bitch?
B's post is pretty tame, but maybe they'll pick up the fact that in the post right below I'm talking approvingly about junior high handjobs.
In a just world, that would be sufficient to get you credentials to the Democratic convention.
I feel like a Catholic Failure for not having anything scandalous at all up.
Sybil, there's still time--the press release is only a few hours old.
Or you could just put up a link to this.
79: Sorry, that totally came out wrong. I can't explain it.
I'm talking approvingly about junior high handjobs.
You approve because their hands are soft?
Actually LeBlanc's handjob post is really nice. It is exactly the sort of thing people like Donahue want to pretend doesn't exist: a serious discussion about the complexities of sexuality. He can't denounce it because the existence of such things shows the moral bankruptcy of his prudishness.
Just watch, the balloon Jesus would pop while he was holding it. (damn pointy flag lapel pins!)
"Oh, noes! Our Saviour is floating away! Get the BB gun!"
This is way better than the time B got sued.
max
['We really need a Balloon Jesus that talks. Like Billy Bass.']
Whoa. The Balloon Jesus post got linked by Fark and just watch that hit counter spin.
Point of Order.
Does masturbating to Jesus mean He is risen? (Because if he were dead…)
I like this Catholic League donation page. They seem to be using generic store checkout software, so Donations shows up as:
Donations
Enter your price !
followed by a "Buy Now" button.
109: And to tie Wild Bill into another recent thread he was the author of On the front line of the culture war: Recent attacks on the Boy Scouts of America. Sadly, he also has a local connection, having once been an instructor at LaRoche College, a small Catholic school in the North Hills.
I wonder if this would offend the Catholic League?
Interestingly, but somewhat off topic, transubstantiation means that eventually the earth's entire biomass will be made out of Jesus. Assuming the 2.035*10-8 percent change stays constant, it will be (100 / 2.035*10-8) = 4.91 billion years until that happens. If the sun hasn't killed us off by that time, the environmental balance change due to all of that extra oxygen and calcium probably will.
110: The non-sacrilegious version of that here. Please note that we are NOT discussing the constituents of the FINAL body of Christ that was Crucified, which quite probably Arose to Heaven. We are considering atoms and molecules that had earlier been components of His body and had been released to the environment.
I do recall reading some work of popular science that illustrated how well-mixed the atmosphere is by claiming that every breath you take contains some n molecules that Jesus breathed. Now since "earth" is presumably not so mobile, that means a bunch of filthy Jews and ragheads are eating more than their share of Jesus every single day that we sit here not reclaiming the Holy Land. Wake up, White People!.
111: More or less the same calculations can be used to show that, with every breath you take, you inhale an atom or two of the last fart of the last brontosaurus. This example probably holds the attention of middle schoolers a little better.
Farts, Brontosaurus*: The quality of the air has improved since the Jurassic due to the absence of Brontosaurus farts.
*I retain Knecht's quaint characterization of Apatosaurus. Do try to keep up Knecht.
Does masturbating to Jesus mean He is risen? (Because if he were dead...)
I don't think so, but masturbating Jesus would probably get a rise out of him.
Interestingly, but somewhat off topic, transubstantiation means that eventually the earth's entire biomass will be made out of Jesus.
Except the bits that are made out of Hitler!
max
['Somebody did the calc and say you had a 1 in 100 chance of having inhaled a molecule of oxygen that Hitler had also inhaled.']
65: If I started my own Catholic League and it started getting attention, the magisterium likely would copletely disown my sorry left-wing ass. That's how it goes -- left-wing deviance is punished, right-wing deviance is met with a wink and a nod.
Didn't the Catholic church tolerate liberation theology for a long time?
Too bad Donohue did not overlap Al Goldstein during his heyday:
In 1983 I was arrested on the steps of St. Patrick's Cathedral dressed as Jesus, bearing a huge cross designed by vagina sculptor Rene Moncada. The vertical line was in the shape of a vagina.
The newly slim Al Goldstein is running for president, you know.
Of all the days to be busy doing normal wholesome things. Damn.
120. Do you want us to tell Donahue you were off engaged in extramarital fornication? We can cover for you.
119: I had no idea. His blog is kind of interesting, too. On one of his YouTubes we learn that he is actually Emerson,
I'm opposed to marriage, but if a gay person wants to marry, let him suffer too.
Please do.
How hilarious is it that he didn't even find out the real scandal about Catholic me, and had to try to make something up out of balloons?
Yeah, actually the most striking thing about the Donahue Press release is how lazy it is. It looks like he decided to denounce a couple bloggers given Dem press credentials, and then skimmed the list for offensive material, reading the first post on each blog.
I think he was basically trolling. He's hoping that someone gets overexcited and says something he can peddle to the media.
||
Epic ping pong on CNBC right now.
|>
TORIOLA WOOO
What happened with the Botswanan we were supposed to root for?
129: Dude! My moment of infamy, and you're watching ping-pong?
Ping-pong is over now that the US is out. Time for the US freestyle wrestler.
Hey, bitch? You seen this? I read it and thought of you.
Yay!! Congratulations to the B team and apo! You have won the Father Coughlan Memorial Prize for 2008!
I think he was basically trolling.
That's his career in a nutshell isn't it. (He he, nutshell.)
But you know, if we take the bait, B will be famous!
116: They did tolerate liberation theology, until Ratzinger declared that "analysis of the phenomenon of liberation theology reveals that it constitutes a fundamental threat to the faith of the Church."