People suck at RSVPing, so you're going to need to have someone actually phone and harass non-responders (or at least inner circle non-responders. What'll get you is the &*$%&!! who thinks "Of course they know I'm going to come, I wouldn't miss it." and doesn't RSVP.) This sort of thing is why you want an organizy wedding party -- if you can delegate that to a maid of honor or best man, it's nice to be able to.
Oh that's a great item to delagate to the #2s. Especially since they'd be strangers, so they could just be down-to-business.
I think that you should wear your fancy, extremely uncomfortable shoes and then put them away to be buried in.
My senior prom theme was "Evening of Enchantment". Red and gold theme.
(My high school's proms are still being held in the gym, since there aren't any hotels with ballrooms around.)
Oh, god, the RSVP thing. They all come in late, if they come in at all. Delegate that task.
Prom themes are mostly $time $preposition $location. or $time $preposition $theme A NIght Under the Stars. One Evening in Paris. A Time To Remember.
I have no idea what my prom themes were. Suburbia in a Ballroom, I think.
Wedding #1, destination wedding, only bride's family lived in town. 235 invitees, 152 yeses, 8 more last minute cancellations.
Wedding #2, in town, RSVPs ongoing. Originally 205 invitees of whom we knew 25 couldn't come. Room holds 180; we've invited 10 more people as no's have come in, and my guess is we'll end up just shy of 170 with 220 invitees.
The only people who RSVP promptly are those who are still in a state of vividly remembering their own wedding and how annoying it was to have to track down the RSVPs.
RSVPs were due a week ago and between lazy respondents, database laziness*, postal bermuda trianglism, and mother-in-law carelessness, we're still waiting on 75 RSVPs.
If the Date has been Saved, invites should go out 6-8 weeks in advance. If not, you might want to do 10 weeks out.
*it seemed like a bad idea at the time, to copy-and-paste people from wedding #1's database to wedding #2's. Not only have five or six people moved in the interim, but I ended up inviting some of my parents' friends who they didn't expect me to. Fortunately they are people I like.
I'd be pleased to find a hotel room under $100, but in a small town you may get down around $60 or $70.
It was very cute to go to a wedding up Wobegon way this summer (sorry I didn't make it by, JE) and have the hotel lady be endlessly kerfuffled by the prospect of Gift! Baskets! for Arriving! Wedding Guests! She was very sweet, though mixed everyone up. All us Jews look alike.
I think you could pull off any theme of royalty with red and gold. Maybe even Arabian Nights. And Through The Years needs no color scheme, just wall-sized paintings of Model T's, flappers, and the moon landing.
Gift! Baskets! for Arriving! Wedding Guests!
A friend did this for her wedding a few years ago and I thought it was the sweetest thing ever.
We definitely tiered our guests into a A list, a B list, and a C list. No one from the C list ended up getting invited, but some early negatives from the A list allowed some of our preferred B-listers to attend.
Carnie theme! You could have a little monkey organ grinder play out the wedding music, and have the ring bearer carry the ring up in a box of Cracker Jack.
Suburbia in a Ballroom, I think.
This made me laugh.
I think you could pull off any theme of royalty with red and gold
The theme should be IMPERIAL SPLENDOR and you should refer to the wedding gifts as tribute.
Carnie Theme! We could have a cotton candy machine and fairway games!
For Imperial Splendor, we could make everyone lounge on pillows and hit the hookah.
The gaudy convention center is actually reasonably priced, but the Crappity Inn is a total steal at $400.
People suck at RSVPing, so you're going to need to have someone actually phone and harass non-responders
I have an easier solution: if you don't RSVP, you don't get to come.
(I realize this solution may not be workable for people who actually want to have anything more than single-digit attendance at their wedding/reception.)
Wow, there are certainly a lot of prom themes for sale.
Does a wedding get fatigued if it is bent too many times, or if it is under stress, or maybe just from growing old?
A young relative of mine is recently engaged and the wedding is tentatively scheduled for almost two years from now! I suspect that wedding will become very fatigued.
Still I think I know why he has popped the question. Being good Catholics, and too young to know better, he's getting none of teh real loving until the engagement, so this way everybody wins!
You know what's fun? A wedding parade. Some friends of mine got married a couple of months ago in a private cemetery in the East Village (it's okay, the vaguely Buddhist officiator had us all bless it before the ceremony), and then we parade up 1st Ave to the reception hall, the groom trailing tin cans from his vintage tuxedo jacket, everyone playing noisemakers and ukeleles and such. Really great.
(The reception hall was way too small, and it was crowded with an overabundance of pot-luck food, but was still very fun.)
21: Maybe a gambling or casino theme, just so that you can use this great Jumbo White Die.
23: hey, I think I have ancestors in that cemetery.
If you really are taking suggestions then please do NOT make the same mistake I did. I refused to allow a 'dollar dance' at our wedding, and since then I have seen how really ignorant and stupid I was.
Around here dollar dances are nice ways to make sure the bride and groom get at least a brief chance to talk with most everyone, and they get some money in the process. There is nothing sexual about it, which was my main concern at the time.
So I say at least consider it.
The one on 2nd Street between 1st and 2nd Ave, Sifu? It's a beautiful place. My friends live right across the street from it.
What's a dollar dance?
I'll show you for a dollar.
I would mail you a dollar if you posted a video of yourself doing your dollar dance.
People pin a dollar to the bride's dress for the privilege of dancing with her -- sort of an additional money wedding present. If it's a tradition your people (or Jammies' people) expect, there's nothing any worse about it than anything else, but I wouldn't introduce it if it's not a custom you're familiar with.
If you have an open bar, though, consider scotch tape in lieu of pins.
Scroll down to see Apo's magic potion for changing races on demand.
Oh, how I wish the site still existed, but not even the Wayback Machine has it. Once upon a time, though, there was a page showing the various stages of a gamma-probe-guided parathyroidectomy, and in the final picture (where it was healing), the patient had magically turned black. I believe the link that got me there was titled "Become a Gamma Probe Negro in five easy steps!"
You know, it's not all about you, H-G. Have you thought, even once, about the irrational desires of the most important person at the ceremony - the Mother of the Bride?
Theme: 1NOC9.
What's that, you ask? Or, perhaps, what the @#$% is that?
The theme for the 9th grade dance at Palmetto Jr. High School in 1986, when I was (thank god) in 8th grade. The signs were everywhere. What did it mean?
One Night on Cloud Nine.
I believe that there was an intended relationship to a popular song of the day. "Stairway to Heaven," maybe?
That's a joke, people. Was the Bryan Adams "Heaven" song out yet? Could've been that.
1. Yes, there will be people who won't RSVP. You can, however, call those people on the phone if need be. My own personal find was that the out-of-town guests--and most of ourr guests were out-of-towners--almost all showed up. We got married in our 20s, invited our college friends, and no one at that point had gotten married or had kids yet; we were all still in travelin' mode. So YMMV.
2. $80/night? Certainly under $100.
3. Red/gold prom? Hm. The Devil Made Me Do It? Chinese New Year? Chinoiserie generally, for that old-timey orientalist vibe? Sergeant Pepper? The Oscars? The 4th of July? Pirates?
Also, please do not do a dollar dance. Ick, on so many levels.
31: One can also get rid of the dollar dance, even if it is part of one's family's traditions. But JRoth is right: the mother of the bride does get involved, even when it's just in a giddily exuberant good way. Weddings are about families whether you want them to be or not. If your mom is the get involved type, find her something to obsess over that won't bother you.
Suburbia in a Ballroom, I think.
I was at that prom!
I went to 4 proms in suburban NJ, people. Show some respect.
Heebie, is there a nearby bowling alley for guests to go to in formalwear after they cut out early?
Ooh! Instead of a regular bar, you could bring a limo inside, and everyone has to get wasted in the limo.
the mother of the bride does get involved
Mine didn't, surprisingly, given her narcissistic tendencies. But part of her narcissism is the Not Being Like Other Mothers thing, so. And all things considered, I'd take a mom who fussed over my wedding over a mom who did a lot of the crazy-ass shit my mom does, so.
Maybe a Tropical Island theme? Cardboard palm trees, parrots and a red and gold sunset.
My mother did the fussing over a bride who was not much for fussing, wondering why I wasn't fussing enough. Now my sister's engaged, and she loves to fuss over details, and my mother is worried that she's fussing too much.
It's awesome.
Are you sure about having a theme? Or are you sure you'll want a theme when you have an infant?
My mother did the fussing over a bride who was not much for fussing
Mine too, but she didn't fret about me not fussing enough. She was happy to have as much rein with the occasion as she did and I was thrilled to have someone take charge of the thousand crucial details I didn't much care about. (Hey, I got the INS stuff dealt with. Who gives a crap about the color of the boutonniere?)
I would say that, if you have a semi-functional relationship with yr mom, and there aren't extenuating circumstances (like, she wishes her wedding had been different, or some other family wedding was disappointing for some reason), it shouldn't be too hard to give her well-defined tasks and keep her from meddling with every detail.
How is she with crepe paper?
Mom is very easy-going, and plus got burnt anyway by my two older brothers. She's thrilled to be included.
Are you sure about having a theme?
If we didn't, it wouldn't be the end of the world. But in general, I like costumes and themes and opportunities to be moderately silly, and before the theme, I was feeling incredibly un-enthusiastic about the whole shebang.
The quote Are you sure about having a theme? was supposed to be quotated, via italics.
Pirates of the Caribbean theme? Tom of Finland theme? Velociraptor theme? Blind mole rats theme?
47 *is* awesome.
Wait, baby plus red plus gold. There has to be some kind of red/gold theme for which "baby" is an integral part. Possibly John's onto something with the blind mole rats thing.
I'm not sure if this is common knowledge, but using postage-paid postcard-sized RSVP cards, rather than enveloped ones, was a great idea.
We had a pretty darn good RSVP rate--though I can't actually remember how far in advance the number was settled. I think by a month out we made a couple of calls to get the laggards.
There is nothing sexual about it, which was my main concern at the time.
Really, that was your main concern? Huh! I'm not being snide, by the way, though I realize it sounds that way. I'm just genuinely surprised.
You could capitalize on the colors for a football theme, à la Diner. Declaring yourselves to be Redskins fans might be too great a sacrifice, though.
If you have an open bar, though, consider scotch tape in lieu of pins.
Or just scotch.
57: I have to admit that the first time I ran into a dollar dance (my people, while tacky in so many other ways, don't do that one) I instantly thought "Like a stripper?" Not so much that it was sexual, but that it was literally reminiscent of a strip club.
B,
I used to think Dollar Dances were icky too, but I must say around here they are actually nice.
The DJ announces the dollar dance. The bride and groom are on the dance floor, the best man and maid of honor collect the money and police the lines. Generally the best man polices the bride's line and vice versa.
The 'dances' are maybe 30 seconds long before the next person cuts in and are tasteful ballroom dances. There really is no icky part about buying sex for money, even if that might be how the tradition began. In my opinion the groom getting the garter tradition is ickier, or at least it can be.
I've seen guys buying a dance with the groom and vice versa, it is done in front of everyone, and I've not yet seen any bad behavior.
But do it or don't, I'm just saying I personally made a mistake by not knowing what it was and forbidding it.
If the dollar dance is insufficient to establish the subjugation of the bride, you could invite the mayor to exercise the droit du seigneur.
The little girl who lives with the drug dealer next door (he's referred to as her dad, but I suspect he's actually a step-) had her 4th b-day this summer, and everyone (else) pinned cash to her shirt, including some significant bills. It was otherwise an entirely mundane, slightly tacky cookout.
droit du seigneur.
I think it's devalued when the bride's baby is present.
Could there be a rate scale for increasing levels of intimacy with the bride?
66,
I suppose it could seem that way, at least a little. Around here the money is collected beforehand, people are wearing formal clothes, and the dance is a short ball room dance to formal dance music instead of a strip tease. But otherwise, yeah, maybe.
My background is somewhat sleazy (Chicago - Lutheran, Liberal!) compared to my very proper Irish/Norwegian wife and her very very proper small town banker Catholic family and it was their idea, not mine, so at least around here it is not considered sleazy.
But as I said, do what is proper for your occasion.
Shoot, my 66 was to LB in 57.
And as long as I am on the topic of dubious wedding traditions, I attended a wedding reception once where some of the groomsmen 'kidnapped' the bride for a bit and her parents were SO pissed they called in the cops!
That police officer pretty much talked to then until the daughter came back, and he had some cake but none of the drink. I didn't really know the couple, since I attended as a date.
So try not to do anything that would involve contacting law enforcement. I'm just saying.
Oh, in the milieu I encountered it in it's not meant as anything sleazy at all -- it was a wedding reception, not an orgy. The structural similarity between the dollar-dance and a strip club just set off my "OMG, this is the tackiest thing I've ever seen" reaction, which I promptly tromped on -- if it's the tradition in your family, it's the tradition in your family, and there's nothing wrong with it.
(The garter thing, OTOH, really is gross.)
I attended a wedding reception once where some of the groomsmen 'kidnapped' the bride for a bit and her parents were SO pissed they called in the cops!
Kidnapping the bride is a standard way to get married in many parts of the world. The bride's parents should be hauled off to Cultural Sensitivity Reëducation Camp post-haste.
I'm dating myself here but the few times I attended a real strip bar, in my bad-boy youth, there was no dollars in the G string thing. No real table dances either. So maybe it is the strippers ruining the good clean fun for the rest of us.
For the record the strip bars weren't much fun for me. I always ended up feeling sorry for the strippers and wanting to rescue them.
ben,
Kidnapping the bride is a standard way to get married in many parts of the world. The bride's parents should be hauled off to Cultural Sensitivity Reëducation Camp post-haste.
I agree, although the groom was left at the reception without the bride. Still, I think it is an indication of the shallowness and crassness of our capitalistic society that the Bride's parents were mostly concerned that they had spent a fortune for this big reception and here Aunt Betsy wasn't even going to get to see the bride!
I always felt envious of those of the strippers who were making more money than me.
Your red-gold theme should be Beijing Olympics, & you should borrow an adorable Chinese baby who's cuter than your daughter to pose with during the receiving line.
You might want to ask about the location's policy about decorations--i.e., will they let you do it far enough advance that it won't be a source of major stress on the day itself? Obviously that's something else to delegate.
I prefer spending less than $100 for an ordinary, non-sketchy but non-descript chain hotel room near a highway. What's reasonable totally depends on the location, though.
I think the standard for sending out invitations is two-months-ish--I would definitely want to be able to send out the second round no later than six weeks before, so I'd do the first round sooner.
The garter thing, OTOH, really is gross.
Not much to be done about it, though, if there's a tradition of it. shiv and I had agreed on ground rules (reach under the gown rather than dive under it), but then the DJ said, "so, head under the skirt or not!", shiv said "Sweet!", and dove in and I was laughing too hard to protest. Made for some great pictures
Around here the guy who catches the garter puts the garter around the leg of the girl who caught the bouquet, but the girl who caught the bouquet was only 17 and very shy and barelegged in a miniskirt, so the DJ was very smart and said, "Why don't you put the garter on his ankle?" and that worked well.
Definitely worse than the money dance. (I vetoed that.)
"Why don't you put the garter on his ankle?" and that worked well.
I must say a male bridesmaid wearing a mini-skirt is rather daring. I doubt that would go over well in my small-town wedding.
The Wobegon Lutheran Church here has a transsexual member, who grew up here. She is a full member of the church but failed in her attempt to become a church elder.
What sort of DJ type person is necessary - if any - if we've already got the playlist of songs we want? We've got a running list of songs on the dry-erase board, and I have an inherent distrust of DJs, but perhaps it's good to have someone manning the music?
My father-in-law was a minister for 40 years. His favorite wedding story involved a Thai couple who wanted a fully Presbyterian wedding, and didn't tell the minister in advance what that included in their homeland. The same as every wedding he did, except that as the bride is walking down the aisle the female relatives on both sides stood up and attempt to dissuade the bride from going forward, mainly using pantomime, with a few very angry-sounding Thai words, and some physical restraining. After a few seconds my father-in-law figured out it was some kind of show, but the organist couldn't see what was happening and kepts playing the same few bars of the wedding march and wondering what the hell was going on. He claimed the ritual lasted about ten minutes.
You don't need a paid DJ, but it's good to have someone whose job it is to cue up the songs, organize various dances if you're having those, fix technical issues, etc. Not necessarily someone you have to pay (younger brother with a computer playlist is sufficient), but it should be someone's responsibility.
Thailand is also a place where Lorena Bobbitt is normal.
Further to 80: one young person with an iPod or a laptop and minimal competence is all you need. Sorry, old people.
Make sure that there are no gaps between the songs.
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BTW, Cala, if you're reading this -- I have a song by Corb Lund that's a tribute to people working in the oil industry (titled "roughest neck around"). I thought of you and shivbunny. If you're interested in an .mp3 copy let me know
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What sort of DJ type person is necessary - if any - if we've already got the playlist of songs we want? We've got a running list of songs on the dry-erase board, and I have an inherent distrust of DJs, but perhaps it's good to have someone manning the music?
I'll give you $5 if you play Mr. Wrong by Cracker.
I knew of a guy who played U2s "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" at his wedding. Apparently he just liked the song. But the marriage did end.
82. The DJ is the general issue MC. The less actual DJing she has to do the smoother the thing will go.
This thread makes me feel better about my wedding. Thank you, thread. God bless my mother-in-law-elect.
We are dancing to Go Places by The New Pornographers and having "Come With Me / Go Places" inscribed on our bands.
You know what's fun? A wedding parade.
Not quite as grand, but we have klezmer musicians leading the party from the drinks location back into the ballroom.
Agreed on the DJ = designated guest who likes to do it. Pair of guests, really. You'll need a good sound system, though.
You may want designated MCs as well -- toastmasters who aren't giving toasts, can gently steer relatives and ask the caterer where the cake's at, etc.
Not much to be done about it, though, if there's a tradition of it.
Why not? We didn't do a garter thing, and no one complained. It's not like you *have* to follow all traditions.
The problem with the dollar dance isn't so much the strip thing as the begging-for-money thing. In my culturally insensitive opinion.
I cautioned my bride against throwing the bouquet, as there will be about four single women in attendance, three of whom are in their late thirties and not happy about it in a particularly crushing way.
Good sitcom spectacle, bad to do to your real friends.
75:Not much to be done about it, though, if there's a tradition of it.
I couldn't disagree more. Tradition has its place, but if it's icky ditch it. The garter thing has been becoming nastier and nastier as people make a big deal of camping it up and basically porn-ifying what used to be a moderately racy element of the ceremony. It should go the way of hanging the bloody sheet from the bridal bed out the window of the bridal suite.
YOu'd think I could remember to close html.
Aw, that's no worse than capitalizing two letters in a row.
There is no Z in circumcising, people.
Vhy, that's reedeeculous. Zeercumzizing.
I may be a bitch, but at least I can spell.
I agree with 93. Combined with the majority of people (99% of men and 20% of women, I estimate) not actually knowing what a garter is, it becomes a rude surprise just how intimate the ridiculous encounter between strangers really is.
The only tradition that must be preserved at all costs is the open bar. NO CASH BAR PLEASE. The only cash bar wedding I went to ended in a divorce two months later, no lie.
There is no Z in circumcising, people.
OH YEAH?
Yeah, the open bar is important. And you can do it cheap by just providing wine or beer or whatever.
I went to a dry wedding that was great. Excellent Indian food & mango lassis (granted, they might've been even better with a little rum). I did find it a little unfair, because I had to give the toast completely sober.
With a prom theme, you could do it even cheaper by serving non-alcoholic punch and passing around a flask of cheap vodka.
It should go the way of hanging the bloody sheet from the bridal bed out the window of the bridal suite.
The only good part of the whole event, if you ask me.
Isak Dineson wrote a Gothic story about a Danish noble family that hung all the honeymoon sheets in the Great Hall --all of them bloodstained but one.
This whole wedding planning thing has really made me feel like a loser. I've only been to one wedding of one of my peers, and therefore do not have any clue about which of my peers should be invited to my own wedding, or whether they would accept, or what the categories of people are whom I should either invite all of, or none of, in order to be polite. (I know you will say that there are no such categories of people, but we don't live in utopia yet.)
Would I travel from PA to California to the wedding of a college friend I haven't seen in 4 years? I don't know...I'd be surprised to be invited. It would be really expensive. I really don't know if I would attend or not. Should I invite college friends in California to the wedding? It would be really expensive for them to attend. I would like them to have the joy of being invited without feeling any obligation of coming.
What about any of my co-workers? It would be like a 6 hour drive from where I live to where the wedding will be.
The real problem here is the tyranny of the invitation. Either someone Officially gets an Invitation, or they don't. I would just like to tell people that the wedding will exist, and say "You're invited, of course, if there's any way you can get out here, but that's not expected of course." I guess the invitations will have to be accompanied by phone calls to that effect.
The most natural thing at the moment seems to be to invite various family members, and then maybe ten friends. But all those friends would be coming from around the country, and when they get here there won't be some sort of awesome party. And they don't really form a cohesive group of friends anyway, just individual people here and there.
Of course, the idea of having alcohol or dance music at the reception sounds ridiculous. That's for people with a lot of friends, or family members that drink alcohol or dance in public.
91: Sometimes traditions are important to some people. I killed the money dance, but not the bouquet toss or garter toss. Also, I didn't care enough to kill it.
The only tradition that must be preserved at all costs is the open bar.
Preach it. 106 made me chuckle.
Have never heard of the "money dance". Is it an Italian thing?
108: The alcohol is so they dance in public.
As far as inviting friends go, invite whoever you would like to come (sometimes you have to cut people based on the size of the wedding.) Let them figure out whether they want to fly out from California. Some of my friends I've made cross-country trips, some I haven't. We're all still friends. It's an invitation, not an obligation. I had about 20 friends at my wedding, who were divided roughly into groups of 6-8 from high school, college, and grad school. Some people there only knew me and shiv, some people knew a whole cohort. They socialized and had fun.
I guess what I'm saying is that it's their call whether to attend, and as such, not the sort of thing you need to stress about particularly.
It's an invitation, not an obligation.
As a datapoint, I've been invited to all 15 or so of my cousins' weddings, but only made it to one. I sometimes remember to ship a present.
I really like getting the cute wedding photos with the invitations, though! All of the fancy frilly stuff---like spiffy return envelopes and gilt calligraphy---goes entirely unappreciated, so you may as well skimp on it.
112: cousins >= 15? Is that some kind of Mormon thing?
I've been to probably around seven or eight weddings of friends, and invited to at least five or six more. Sometimes I had conflicts, sometimes I was just too broke to afford to go to another one.
All of the fancy frilly stuff---like spiffy return envelopes and gilt calligraphy---goes entirely unappreciated, so you may as well skimp on it.
I loved looking at the invitation books, but then I tried to recall the invitations of any of my friends, and could not. Thus, a simple design.
I have 27 cousins on my mormon side of the family. I'm one of the unmarried eight, if I've done the math right.
I guess I'm lucky to have a mom and a future m-i-l who are pretty okay with us jettisoning lots of 'traditions'. No white dress, no bouquet toss, and for chrissake, no garter.
Right now I'm trying to figure out a way to avoid the here-comes-the bride moment of walking down the aisle. I'd like to avoid making a spectacle of myself as much as possible. I'm leaning toward us both walking up the outside aisles at the same time and meeting in the middle, or walking in together behind the officiant.
It's not that I don't want to be the center of attention, I'm just uncomfortable with the special attention the bride gets over the groom. I'm perfectly happy for us to make spectacles of ourselves on the dance floor.
I suggested one of us jetski and the other parachute in, but noooo.
Or wait maybe it was yes but I chickened out. I forget.
No, we were arguing about who would get the jetski.
Right now I'm trying to figure out a way to avoid the here-comes-the bride moment of walking down the aisle.
Commission a wedding march from my honey! The last one he did involved a cacophony of pots and pans, and I suspect the bride didn't know when to come in or if she did whether anybody noticed her.
I'm leaning toward us both walking up the outside aisles at the same time and meeting in the middle, or walking in together behind the officiant.
I like the first option; it sort of preserves some of the symbolism (come up separately, leave together) but without the spotlight on you.
It would be tough in our location, but it'd be fresh if we emerged from the ground shrouded in smoke a la Motley Crüe.
At my wedding it was: officiant, groomsmen walk up the aisle (best man last), groom walks up the aisle with both parents, bridesmaids walk up the aisle (maid of honor last), bride walks up the aisle with both parents. Reasonably symmetrical, though I was last, & unlike my husband I didn't hang around greeting the guests before the ceremony started.
Skipped bouquet & garter. I've seen the garter thing maybe twice, and the bouquet seems to be fading too. I don't think the money dance is a northeastern thing.
One differential wedding custom that has almost caused us to miss a friend's wedding: apparently in NYC it is customary to put a fake ceremony time on the invitation--the actual expected start time is 30 minutes after the time on the invitation. No one else does this.
JM is also the only unmarried cousin older than 13.
A Spuinal Tap themed wedding with a tiny monolith and several dwarves has not been suggested yet.
I like the first option; it sort of preserves some of the symbolism (come up separately, leave together) but without the spotlight on you.
"Dusk waning,
A warmer view emerging
Weaving an unsaid image
Engaging us in a never-never reign
Graven in just data,
A reigning junta that is mine and mine,
An evergreen stand that grew with rare dint,
A wager winning a stash that in a raw era sustains us,
A ring naming us,
Immersing us in manna and grave huzzahs."
Not quite as grand, but we have klezmer musicians leading the party from the drinks location back into the ballroom.
That's great.
My ex wants to have a little marching band play at her wedding, or did the last time I heard about it.
I don't want my Spinal Tap suggestion to prejudice the naked mole rat theme, however.
I'm leaning toward us both walking up the outside aisles at the same time and meeting in the middle
We did that. I liked it. We were faster than the music, though, so we got to stand there staring goofily at each other for a bit. That was kind of great too.
Woo! We could be like foxout and snarkytail!
The program for the ceremony will certainly be less elaborate, though.
I wouldn't have anything to hold, though. I guess I could hold my arms in the air in triumph.
You should both do UFC-style entrances and have a Puerto Rican guy rub your faces with Vaseline. What would be your respective entrance music?
You should have Puerto Ricans rub up all the guests with Vaseline. Best wedding ever.
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What is Malcolm Gladwell's amphetamine status? He looks like Day One of court-ordered rehab.
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And if they were old, there could be the old-hispanic-guy dancing at the reception that someone referred to earlier!
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"JAG officer" is not an appropriate title for anyone, not even as a nickname or abbreviation.
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I think your wedding theme should be "Under the Sea ... On a Submarine With Creepy Puerto Rican Dudes Rubbing Vaseline All Over."
Nah I don't want anything too traditional.
145 to 144 and 143, inclusive.
"LET'S GET READY FOR MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTRRRRIIIMOOOOOOOOONNNYYYY!"
I was about to wonder if Big John McCarthy does weddings, but you know what? I'm sure he does.
it'd be fresh if we emerged from the ground shrouded in smoke a la Motley Crüe.
One of my friends had a wedding at an old movie theater that had a wurlitzer organ where the console could be raised and lowered. The wedding party all rose up together at the front of the theater and the wurlitzer did all the music for the ceremony. It was pretty awesome.
Actually this would be a much better choice.
Oh yeah, then they showed The Princess Bride between the ceremony and the reception.
What would be your respective entrance music?
But all those friends would be coming from around the country, and when they get here there won't be some sort of awesome party. And they don't really form a cohesive group of friends anyway, just individual people here and there.
Nid, this sounds like the setup to a lovely wedding, if you can persuade people to stick around for a couple days and get to know each other at meals and even field trips.
The Wobegon wedding that I went to this summer was like that. There was a dinner Thursday night for anyone who was in town. Friday afternoon there was a ceremony and reception, with lots of the townsfolk invited. The dancing lasted into early evening, then the close age-group friends on either side met back at the couple's house for cigars around the campfire.
Saturday there was an all-day canoe trip -- various friends and family, mostly out-of-towners, two dozen or fewer, brown-paper bag lunches. One person had an asthma attack at the lunchtime stop and first responders came out to give her oxygen. Another had an intestinal episode and had convulsive diarrhea on the shorebank. It was a lovely day.
Things can be more leisurely in Wobegon because there's more and cheaper space.
Pinning money to the bride's dress is a Cypriot thing I always thought - also popular in parts of the Balkans I think, but not the parts where my friends live. It's also mentioned in the opening chapters of Upton Sinclair's "The Jungle" which is IIRC about Lithuanian immigrants in Chicago. Might also be done in parts of rural Italy but I'd consider it a bit bucolic there. It's got nothing to do with "buying sex for money" or strippers you perverted bastards; it's just symbolically showering the young couple with money.
On the other hand, what is this "garter thing?" I'm pretty sure it's unbelievably crass and vulgar because it's an American wedding tradition, but I'm curious about the specifics. (I include by citation everything I've ever said about wearing black tie to a wedding).
154: you take two garter snakes and shove them up the couple's respective bungholes, d^2. Filthy.
The first one to pinch the head off is said to be guaranteed luck in the divorce proceedings.
I'm pretty sure it's unbelievably crass and vulgar because it's an American wedding tradition, but I'm curious about the specifics.
No it's not. It was done at my SiL's wedding and she's from London, he's a Mackem. It seems to be basically an excuse to have oral sex on a dance floor, but I don't see why you need an excuse at your own wedding.
We had a 60% overall acceptance rate, which is not as bad as it sounds since the majority of the invitees were living overseas and had to fly to Japan. Among invitees living in Japan, we had an 83% acceptance rate.
I also learned that September is a crappy month for people's schedules if they are grad students or have children because it is when new school years are getting started. Go with the summer if you can.
In 158, I meant to say, "the majority of the invitees who said no were living overseas and had to fly to Japan." Not the majority of invitees overall.
If you can figure it out from this you'll know everything the rest of us do. It is rougly intended to be the consummation of (on the one hand) catching the bouquet, and (on the other) catching the garter recently extracted from the bride's thigh.
I hope you're happy, you humorless emerald-isle bastard. Now I've explained everything.
(runs, cries.)
I did what I assume is "the garter thing", to wit my husband took my garter off and threw it to the unmarried guys, just the parallel of throwing the bouquet for the unmarried women. it wasn't particularly racy.
162: on the one hand, there is an additional tradition, which you seem to have avoided, of the recipient unmarried guy putting the garter on to the leg of the garland-receiving girl and pushing it up just as far as he dares!
On the other hand: SLATTERN! I judge thee!
Or thou? Which is it in England?
Also, at our wedding, after one woman caught the bouquet, the guys pushed her date forward to make sure my garter throw hit him smack in the chest. They are now engaged.
to wit my husband took my garter off and threw it to the unmarried guys
If he didn't do it with his teeth he was doing it wrong. D^2, that's all there is (plus throwing it to the mob to pacify them).
Damn, I should have used my teeth. In retrospect, rooting around in her dress and saying "I know it's up here somewhere" was probably not the sexiest way of doing it.
167. In mitigation, my SiL's husband (What do you call that? BiLiL? Bil^2? BiL once removed?) was wearing morning dress at the time. OTOH he rather spoiled the effect by wearing a football scarf at the same time.
Yeah, vulgar. But harmless.
169. Well, he could have used winkle picker shoes. The rules over here say, No Hands.
hrmp, for certain values of "over here".
OK, except on the floor of the Stock Exchange, where they don't take the garter off, they just stuff bond certificates in it. For all I know the tradition doesn't exist south of the Tees, though I saw it enacted in the upstairs room at the Swiss Cottage.
For all I know it's ubiquitous. But I mean, good lord, really.
I've seen in Ireland, too. At maybe 1/4 of the weddings I've been to.
OK, here's a wedding puzzler: now that my in-laws-elect have declared that they're sptanding up, of course my parents would like to. My dad wants my stepmother to stand; I want to keep it simple. How can I stage some sort of acknowledgment of my stepmother in the processional that will mollify him?
Don't. Let her stand. Two sets of parents standing is actually simpler than one couple and one single father, with a carefully calibrated lesser acknowledgement for the stepmother. (Come to think of it, I'm assuming here that your mother isn't in the picture. If she is, then yeah, your two parents should stand, and your stepmother is your father's date, but she isn't your mother. She sits.)
Maybe she could stand during the reception?
Have both sets of parents stand next to the huppah before you and the bride process. Then, surprise! it turns out there is another huppah at the other side of the room! Everyone turns around to watch as you and the bride get married under the uncluttered huppah, and the parents are thrilled at getting to stand next to a huppah and are impressed by how cleverly you've tricked them.
Oooh! The first chuppah is rigged to collapse under their collective weight. You see their horrified faces turn to relief when they land on a pile of pillows, and then they throw up their hands in mock frustration and say "That's our Wrongshore!"
Then attention turns to the sparse chuppah at the other end of the room, a la 178.
151 is correct: the out-of-towner wedding where people don't know each other is lovely. Since people must travel, you plan a few low-key "events," like a picnic or everyone meeting for dinner somewhere. You put everyone up in the same hotel and make introductions and people will make friends. It's very cool and then years later your friends will know who you're talking about when you tell them that other friends have done x, y, or z.
The divorced parents who have "issues" around second marriages are the. biggest. pains. in.. the. ass. at weddings. LB's right: tactfully point out that the issue is who raised *you*, as you're the one getting married. This will of course piss someone off, but too bad. If stepparent was involved in your upbringing, then fine, you make them all part of the whatever-it-is.
That said, there's also a point to be made that sure, let the stepmother stand if you can do so without feeling the need to symbolically signal that she's not "really" a parent, and if (obviously) doing so sans symbolic secondary status marker won't piss off your mom.
Finally, D2, the cunt, is right about the garter tradition's vulgarity.
Shit, this reminds me that my father's GF (whom no one - except him, I guess - can stand) tried to insist on coming to my wedding ceremony, even tho my mom would be there* - total BS. Fortunately, the working of the ceremony - 15 guests on a lawn - made that infeasible, so no big scene was required. But, gah.
AB proceeded between her parents, with stepmother waiting at the seats - but we didn't have any other acknowledgment of parents, so she wasn't too odd-man-out.
* Necessary background - my mom had a head injury from a car accident, and so was hospital- and wheelchair-confined for ~11 years. My dad remained dedicated and good husbandly in all ways, but he started dating once the situation became clear. Of course GF was never to meet wife.
Heebie! You should have your wedding in a local high school gym! It would be big enough for all your guests and look so nice with your homemade decorations. Better yet, a high school gym with a swimming pool underneath, like in It's a Wonderful Life. At the end of the reception, the floor will open up and everyone can jitterbug into the pool! Although, is a gym bigger than a ballroom? Actually, I have no idea.
We were thinking about that! But thought that we might not be allowed to have alcohol there.
176 et seq are very helpful. LB, my mom is in the picture; it would be her, my dad, and his wife.
If he throws further hissy fit, I thought I could just have everybody bring a date up there -- my brother-in-law! the huppah pole holders' wives! But then I recall that my mom broke off her 6-year relationship this year, which would make her even more conspicuously unbecoupled.
I've never seen the garter thing over here. First and only time I have seen it was at my Canadian cousin's wedding, 10 years ago. My English cousin's then girlfriend (a very Essex couple) caught the bouquet - aw sweet, we all thought - and then there was this garter-throwing and then Gemma was expected to have some stranger up her dress. She was wearing a long sheath dress, and looked a bit stricken, and did this fantastic stage whisper across to my English cousin: "Oi, Dave, I ain't wearing any knickers!" We were in hysterics; the Canadians looked unamused.
That was the highlight of the wedding, anyway. The lowlight was the 2 hours of speeches with only one glass of wine ....
My brother's wedding was the best one I've been to. The bride walked up the aisle to "Lovely Rita" and we all had to bring a percussion instrument with us, and we sang The Philosophers' Song with our instruments. (It was a non-religious service.) He asked me to do a reading, which I was kind of touched by, and then said he wanted it to be something from a newspaper on the day of the wedding, which I was rather less touched by.
This guy really kicked ass on his wedding theme planning.
Canadians have no sense of humor. It was two years in Canada that destroyed B's sense of humor. Not feminism or being a Valley Girl.
Pregnant brides should not get married, because who wants a sober bride?
Greenspan:
"There are some who would argue that the role of the bank supervisor is to minimize or even eliminate bank failure; but this view is mistaken in my judgment. The willingness to take risk is essential to the growth of the free market economy .... [i]f all savers and their financial intermediaries invested in only risk-free assets, the potential for business growth would never be realized."
