And I spanked you with a jello-coated octopus tentacle. What more do you want?
The potato is the most egg of vegetables.
Tendon is the most pudding of meats.
Tendon is clearly the *least* pudding of meats. This isn't going to get anywhere if people don't take it seriously. Sifu.
Have you had tendon? I stand by my statement.
Organ meats, particularly foie gras, are the most pudding of meats. But perhaps there's some special way tendon can be prepared that I haven't tried.
Licorice is the most liver of candies.
I have had both puddingy (in pho) and decidedly not puddingy (sliced very thin, at momofuku ssäm bar) tendon.
All I know is that Stanley needs one of these.
Licorice is the most liver of candies.
I refute you thus.
Jello is the most tendon of puddings.
Also, liver candy is the most liver of candies.
Scrapple is the most loaf of breakfast meats.
Squirrel brains and scrambled eggs is the most something of something.
Isn't brain the most egg of meat? Quorn is the most meat of fungus.
Turfucken is the most duck of tofu.
Sweetbreads are the most pudding of the meats, sillies. Tendon is the most chewing gum of the meats.
Is spinach the most Kleenex of the vegetables, or more generically the most facial tissue of the vegetables?
Tendon is the most chewing gum of the meats.
Well, sure, if you have no clue whatsoever about how to cook it.
So I should maybe give the tendon pho another try at a different place?
Just boil it into oblivion with lime and sugar.
Alternate candidate: BBQ Pork Colon.
Phở tendon, even when done right, isn't really pudding-y, I can now admit. On the other hand, it isn't really chewing gum-y, either. Tendon is the most Starburst of meats.
She is a meat starburst and a half, ain't she?
I never should have downloaded that SNES emulater and FF3 rom.
29: as a NPC, ben, you were obliged.
"A is the most B of Cs" is the most Standpipe of eggcorns.
Not snowclones: honest English. Power to the non-revised-essear people!
Eggcorns are the most malaprop of snowclones.
Mincemeat is the seasonal of tarts.
I love fruitcake. I'm thinking of putting up a Craigslist ad asking for everyone's surplus fruitcake.
If my mom were only still alive. She made wonderful fruitcakes which was not adequately appreciated, for example by my stupid sister and stupid brother.
Calvin Trillin is to blame. He started the fruitcake jokes, and they propagated throughout the culture, finally even coming between mother and child. To the hog farm with him.
Mom and I designed a reform fruitcake without citrons and walnuts, but it was already too late. By then Trillin's poison had ruined everything.
Aw, I replied to PGD's comment but it was lost.
Fruitcake. I discussed with my uncle today the traditional making of so-called boston brown bread, in a can (ends cut off, I believe), which he learned to make from bums he hung out with behind the general store during the winter, along with coffee made in tea-balls, over the campfire.
We'd been talking about preserving foods, and conversation wandered. You can keep that boston brown bread for months in the can, says my uncle; and it's good stuff. Uncle's hard to draw out, perpetually overshadowed, so I'm pleased.
Without citrons and Brazil nuts, I mean. Walnuts are fine.
If my mother were alive, she'd be happy to make one citron fruitcake special for you.
Seriously. She loved to do it, and was really hurt when it turned out that they were unappreciated. They were just wonderful.
My other suggestion was twice as much rum, but I'm not sure she did that. They were real rum fruitcakes, though.
At my sister's house I listened to David "Et" Cetera and watched the Smuckers ice dancers. That's the most I've ever liked Cetera. It seemed appropriate, and he physically fits his musical style even though he must be older than me.
I'm always in awe of ice skaters and gymnasts. The athleticism and grace are unbelievable, and the whole concept of holding someone by their groin area and carrying them above my head while skating smoothly along just boggles me. It would be hard enough, but when you add the groping part it seems almost impossible.
They were real rum fruitcakes, though.
Rum balls! The kind with lots of real rum in them. My mother made a variety of those and my brother and I would hatch schemes to get at them without being noticed. Thanks for the nostalgia hit.
The references in 47.1 are marvelously unknown to me.
Oh ... do tell. Really? Uh-huh, I've always thought so too!
My mom makes fruitcakes every year for everyone in my dad's family. They're actually really good, and insanely dense.
Best know as lead singer of Chicago. Smuckers seems to be a sort of Grade B Ice Follies, though they looked fine to me.
Yeah, I love citrons too, maraschino cherries, the whole deal.
Hey, Parsimon, I was at a Bill Kirchen concert the other day and he did a nice cover of the old country classic Streets of Baltimore . Thought of you.
In other news, I'm freaking because I just quit a cushy, high-paying job for a less secure, lower-paying, but more exciting one. I gave notice and then got really, really nervous about my decision. This economy has me freaked to start with.
53.last: Oh my. Um. (Hey, I'll be in touch once I get back into town.)
52: Lead singer of Chicago was Peter, not David, Cetera.
55: Fine, thanks. Working through ideas about how to minimize the impact whenever a major power outage occurs in future. But fine. And I'm off to join her now.
53 is very exciting indeed. I hope we get to hear more details.
I was at a Bill Kirchen concert the other day
He played at my brother's wedding (circa 1982) -- whatever Commander Cody were called sans Commander Cody.
All I know is that Stanley needs one of these.
Oh, hell yes.
58: PGD is now in the online fruitcake resell business. Very exciting.
For those who like fruitcakes, and even for those who don't, I recommend this lovely little cookbook. It's tiny but it's got a ton of great recipes for all kinds of fruitcakes.
Also, teo, it would be great if you posted your mom's fruitcake recipe, if she's willing to part with it and you're willing to type it in.
I'd be happy to post my mom's (actually my grandmother's) fruitcake recipe. It'll be a few days until I can do it, though, since it's in Albuquerque and I'm not.
Also, I submit that actually mustard greens are the most kleenex of vegetables, particularly if they're somewhat dehydrated.
Buck made some insane amount of fruitcake this year, and mailed it all to various employees, professional contacts, and family members. We kept one. But he hasn't got a recipe he uses in any particularly strict fashion -- he starts from the Joy of Cooking and improvises. It's dense, and boozy, and has very, very, very many different dried and candied fruit type things -- whatever he sees when he goes shopping.
I have my grandmother's traditional fruitcake recipe, but she was a pretty lousy cook, and it's not good fruitcake.
I have my grandmother's traditional fruitcake recipe, but she was a pretty lousy cook, and it's not good fruitcake.
Talk to PGD. He can put it in a subprime tranch and sell it to a hedge fund.
68: Oh? Has the fruitcake bubble finally popped? That's unfortunate, given PGD's new line of work.
If your fruitcake has bubbles something's gone desperately wrong.
The fruitcake bubble has always already popped.
Since we're on cooking, I got a slow cooker from my sister yesterday. I've got a 3.5 year backlog of Cook's COuntry slow cooker recipes to work on. Very excited (#1 will be enough Bolognese for 4 lb of pasta).
Also: Anyone want to offer tips for ham and bean soup, but made with pork bone instead of ham? I have a significant amount of pork bone left from Xmas pork roast. I'm starting with Mark Bittman's ham & bean soup recipe, which is simply to combine ham bone, beans, water, and onion for a few hours. I'll put some rosemary in towards the end. Anything else, people?
70: Not if they're candied bubbles.
71: SHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Anything else, people?
I'd recommend against people. You'll muddy up the taste.
The worst thing about fruitcake, as with other sub-prime desserts, is the opportunity cost.
Your mom didn't know dick about making fruitcake, Bave. That's what the problem is. Your mom.
Fruitcakes will be the new cupcakes soon enough. Mark my words.
I divide my fruitcake into tranches and then consume each individual tranche before it can be sold to outside investors.
53 is very exciting indeed. I hope we get to hear more details.
You asked for it, Wrongshore. Check your email for a heavy dose of neuroticism mixed with details. I would actually love your views on this move.
79: You're never going to make it if you're your own best customer, PGD.
You know, "Perfectly Goddamned Delightful Fruitcakes" would be an awesome name for a fruitcake company.
Wrongshore, you getting an e-mail from PGD is very exciting indeed. I hope we get to hear more details.
I got an email from PGD. Pictures of me getting the email are up at the unfogged flickr pool. There are also reaction videos of people looking at the pictures of me getting an email from PGD. Also there is a prediction market about whether the email from PGD will be elected the 45th president of the United States.
Unrelated: does anyone know how to pack a fruitcake for shipping? Esp. to overseas/US Military addresses.
Write "NOT A BOMB" in crayon on the outside of the package.
Provided you can demonstrate adequately that it's not a bomb, I don't think the specifics of packaging are very important. The things are damn near indestructible.
What my mom does, IIRC, is wrap them in aluminum foil then put them in a small box with newspaper for padding. But she's only sending them domestically.
Indeed, fruitcake makes good packing material in its own right.
Or so Trillin would likely have you believe. I have no direct knowledge here. I admit to being fruitcake-curious.
I'd send you one, ben, but they're kind of a lot of work to make and I don't know how.
Those are acceptable reasons. Plus, it takes a long time, or so I understand.
Yeah, they take like an hour and a half to bake. My mom has been known to fall asleep with one in the oven.
You could maybe make candied tendon and put it in fruitcake. For Emerson and Tweety.
Loving fruitcake is the new hating fruitcake.
Is brandy-soaked muslin too hazardous a substance to go through the mail? Because some monks just sent my parents a very dangerous fruitcake, but I think they shipped it UPS.
The tinfoil is so they don't dry out, I think. Plastic might be better.
properly made fruitcake is delicious, and one of my few non-drinking regrets is that I'm advised not to make and consume recipes that involve cups of bourbon. also, m/tch is right about the mustard greens.
"Doesn't Bacardi have alcohol in it?"
"Oh, only enough to act as a preservative."
I received a fruitcake via USPS. It weighed 5 lbs. Maybe 9" x 9". Frankly, I don't really like fruitcake.
It weighed 5 lbs. Maybe 9" x 9".
That's clearly a wrong fruitcake. A correct fruitcake should be shaped along the lines of a loaf, or brick. This more compact shape makes it easier to wrap in layers of brandy- (or rum-) soaked muslin without breakage. Unless it was a 9x9x9 cube?
Bacardi contains medicinal quantities of alcohol, for your health.
During Prohibition, druggists discreetly dispensed non-denatured alcohol "for medicinal purposes". There was a funny story here in town -- the retired druggist had some kind of anniversary celebration during which he said that when he decided to go into pharmacy, his mother started crying because she thought they were all bootleggers.
I love good fruitcake. My mother makes a fruitcake that is dry and uninteresting. My aunt tries to make fruitcake cookies that come out dry and crumbly so I have a little food storage thing in the fridge of my aunt's "fruitcake crumbles." They both simply lack vast quantities of alcohol and then everything would be OK.
Shirley Temple fruitcake are, lite potato chips, intensely disappointing. Right up there with orgasm-free masturbation in the util count.
Shirley Temple fruitcakes are, like lite potato chips, intensely disappointing. Right up there with orgasm-free masturbation in the util count.
Fuck. No Nobel Commenting Prize for me.
I just ordered two fruitcakes from a Benedictine monastary in rural Virginia. Celibate monks who devote their entire lives to making fruitcakes for me! With the blessing of God!
also, m/tch is right about the mustard greens.
And affirmation from alameida is nothing to sneeze at.
105: The Fruitcakes of Sublimation taste sweetest.
105: link?
I could probably make something much like the link in SP's post pretty easily. I am intrigued.
Does the photo have to be of one from the 75-year old grandmother in Iowa, or are knockoffs acceptable?
"The monks of Holy Cross Abbey unconditionally guarantee that our fruitcake is the best you'll ever eat or we will cheerfully refund your money."
No pineapple or papaya in a proper fruitcake. These must be "with it" folk-mass monks.
Someone sent me a fruitcake of sublimation, but I made the mistake of leaving it out uncovered, and when I came back it was just gone.
Certainly your twins could have nothing to do with that.
112 was trying to play on 'sublimation', but perhaps it was too subtle.
Your twins are fucking with your head, Jesus.
The Holy Transfigurataion Skete makes a mean fruitcake. But their website notes that due to quality control issues, fruitcake without liquor is no longer available. I guess the Holy Spirit couldn't be bothered to inspire that particular work.
Check the Flickr group, SP. I did it for the lulz.
For the record, I KISSed the pork & bean soup, and it turned out wonderful. You can really taste the flavor of the cannellini with the (relatively) mild pork.
You have inspired a most unbecoming lust in me, mcmc.
I'll take one of everything except the dried fruit cake.
Prohibition was an anti-Catholic plot, you know. Moonshining was civil disobedience to German and Polish Catholics. True fact.
Because I'm too lazy to look, what did happen to the Catholic Blood of Christ thing during prohibition?
"Fortunately, the Catholic Church helped keep Prohibition from being a bigger disaster than it was. Two exemptions were allowed to Prohibition--sacramental wine and medicinal wine."
You have inspired a most unbecoming lust in me, mcmc.
Offer it up, Ben.
Investigation indicates that mutton gets a bad rap.
In Minnesota St. John's Abbey surreptitiously gave technical help to the local moonshiners, who used copper tubing and didn't make anyone go blind.
117 is not how a thong is meant to be worn.
Check the Flickr group, SP. I did it for the lulz.
Magpie wins!
How long did that take you? Is it something a knitting knoob could do without too much agony?
How can I get to the se3krit flickr pool? What are the initiation rituals?
Email either ogged or Armsmasher.