Spraying Perrier on your nether regions helps with stinging? Huh. I did not know that.
Yes, a big fire extinguisher full of Perrier, like a clown uses.
Peri-Yay!
If I wasn't on such a bummer right now, I would be very much amused. Oh well.
you just pee all over your hospital room floor
Fuck it, get your kicks while you can, I says. See how long they'll put up with it.
2: Clowns use seltzer bottles, heebie, and shouldn't be relied on in the event of a real fire, not even for comic relief. Man, what has birthing done to you?
Oh, and be sure to tell whoever it is that is cleaning all the pee up off of the floor that they're doing it wrong. They love that joke.
I'll have you know that the person who cleaned it up was a clown with a fire extinguisher, thankyouverymuch.
When I was working in a travel bookstore, a promotion for a certain line of guidebooks encouraged marketing ideas from booksellers. Our idea was "Europe: the 'In' Continent. You're Just Gonna Shit!" Mysteriously, it was not embraced by the publisher.
8: So when you said "stinging", you actually meant "burning"?
you don't need to bother when you're totally incontinent
I'm sorry, hon. That's gotta suck.
max
['I had not heard of that one before.']
In Texas, all clowns are issued fire extinguishers.
Or wait, were you just belittling the person's cleaning skills?
"Hey clown, you missed a spot! Geez, it's impossible to get good help these days!"
But the great thing is that all of the changes in your body from here on out are improvements,which is a change from the last nine months. It takes a while, but everything is as of now starting to move back towards the non-pregnant norm.
Texas clowns are trained to clean M/tch's nether regions with fire extinguishers?
Seriously, though, heebie, I hope you're not embarrassed about peeing all over the floor. It's a hospital - they know all about it. No worries; it'll work itself out. You just did something pretty major, after all.
I mean the birthing, not the peeing!
Just install floor drains and washdown hoses in your house. It'll save you the hassle of potty training yourself, and the savings in diapers for the geeblet will pay for it within a few months.
I hope you're not embarrassed about peeing all over the floor.
No, I wasn't particularly embarrassed. (Although my in-laws were in the room with us.) I was very, very surprised though. And apologetic about the mess. But in a way, glad that it didn't hurt?
I figured putting peri-peri on your nether regions would burn like a mo-fo, but I guess you Texans are inured to that sort of thing.
21: Excellent. No pain is good.
Jammies knows where the Depends isle in the store is, right? (Shouldn't you be sleeping, woman?)
I was very, very surprised though.
I was not at all prepared for the immediate postpartum stuff. Oh, I suppose I had read about it in a book or something, but did they talk about it at the childbirth class? Hell, no. Nothing beyond a brief mention of some "discomfort," as I recall.
It really is temporary, though, I promise.
Doctor, will I be continent after I have the baby?
After a couple of days at most.
Great. I never was before.
On the Depends Isle, the natives either tell lies or pee freely. You have just one question to determine which your host tribe is. What do you do?
Visit the birthing hut.
No, wait. Pour water from a jug before various members.
No, wait. Um. It has to be a question. Fuck Bother you, Dr. Turgid! I realize the commenting standards around here have gone to hell, what with the no-value and the analogies, but really. The entrance exams have become a little exacting, no?
I realize the commenting standards around here have gone to hell
Commenting, incontinence, same difference.
max
['Where's the catheter?']
I just can't believe I spelled "aisle" that way, and feel apologetic about the mess.
No worries, Parsimon. I just took it as a stylistic affectation, and therefore skimmed right over it.
31: Well! Well then! That's just fine, then!
31: well! well then! thats just fine then!
Fixed!
max
['That's still coherent tho.']
Suddenly not being able to control bodily functions which you formerly could control is way the most disorienting thing that's ever happened to me. In a very slapstick The State "hey who am I? what's going on?" kind of way.
Clowns use seltzer bottles
The pierrot uses Perrier.
E. Messily, everything work out today? I only just returned from U of Maryland. Well, UMd and the gym.
yeah semi okay. I didn't pee on anyone, for example.
something I did not learn is apparently how to make my computer use different "names" for me...
A physical therapist who specializes in women's issues works in our building.
She is fond of shouting across the parking lot to tell me her latest techniques to help with postpartum bladder issues as well as helping women return to their peak sexual function.
I keep having to remind her that not everyone around us wants to hear about it.
"peak sexual function" sounds so ... manipulative, somehow.
"Hey, Will! I totally figured out how to fix women's, you know, parts! See, what you do is, you ..."
||
Channel surfing during Family Guy commercial breaks, stopped on the public TV screening of local government debates and found out that a complete nitwit I rode the bus with in HS (quoth he, during Gulf War I: "I'm thinking about going to Israel, because this is a time when all Jews should go to Israel") is in the MN House of Representatives. As if I wasn't already skeptical enough about electoral politics!
||>
"Hey, Will! I totally figured out how to fix women's, you know, parts! See, what you do is, you ..."
"...awww, the heck! It's too hard to explain. C'mere and put your finger right here, I'll show you what I mean."
41: But heebie might be interested in the improving her bladder function, will. Spill a few.
But heebie might be interested in the improving her bladder function, will.
Let's not impose out values on the Heebster, BG. She can make up her own mind without your hinting around.
Isn't it just pelvic floor exercises? (For both?)
48: That sounds like it could be an Olympic gymnastics event.
To quote my Lamaze instructor, "Kegel kegel kegel!" Said in the most maddeningly perky tone possible. Not that it isn't good advice generally.
Your peeing on the floor will be nothing compared to HP's exploding poo. #2 always beats #1.
36: 'Smasher!
51: I heartily approve of your new handle, PG. You were next on the "to nag" list, but now, no need!
"Kegel kegel kegel!" Said in the most maddeningly perky tone possible.
To the tune of the Dredel song, one hopes?
I have a little kegel
I made it with my vajay
And when it's good and ready
Then continence is mine I'll say
Kegel Kegel Kegel
I do it everyday
Kegel Kegel Kegel
And when I'm dry and steady
I'll pee 3 times a day!
...I made it out of (modeling) clay.
3: Minne, what's going on? If peepee geebie can't cheer you up, it must be serious!
57: I am undone by my own vanity and lassitude. Without going into strenuous detail, I seem to have gone from Mr. Popularity at my volunteer committment to being on the outs with people.
59: I am undone by my own vanity and lassitude.
But retain a knack for pith that's apt.
59: How odd. Hard feelings within a volunteer organization. I never heard of such a thing.
togolosh, you're new here. "LOL" is banned.
"LOL" is banned.
Any ban that would forbid this is misguided.
66: "deprecated" is mildly discouraged, MM.
Banning is the new lollerbation.
Lollerbation is like the analogy ban.
No more lollerbating to the analogy ban.
72: LOL, LOL, LOLlerbate, LOL!!!1!
"peak sexual function" sounds so ... manipulative, somehow.
"Hey, Will! I totally figured out how to fix women's, you know, parts! See, what you do is, you ..."
Parsimon, this made me laugh. As did pain and BG.
This PT has also been known to run out of a exam room and excitedly, and loudly, tell her staff the the patient "had her first orgasim since she had her baby!!!!!"
Things like that and the peeing on the floor are nature's way of taking out the smug.
74.last: That's completely great. The PT might keep her voice down, of course, and be a bit more measured about her own excitable responses. There's a time and a place, after all.