I have often found it to be the case that there is in actuality quite a bit of assembly required. I heretofore blamed myself, assuming I was just doing it wrong. But your post has led me to enlightenment, and freedom. I'm going to go have a cookie now.
Inspired by a thread of a couple of weeks ago, I have brownies.
Next time I'm going for a chewier texture as the recipe I used was too cakey.
M/tch, are you totally-serious-no-kidding? Because I am totally-serious-no-kidding.
Do you think it was enlarged to misleadingly suggest that cookies had a larger share in the composition of the aliment than they actually do? That would truly be devilish.
C'mon now, standpipe. Next you're going to be telling us that the "serving suggestion" isn't a good faith attempt to convey information about the ideal conditions under which to enjoy the product.
I also have brownies! I made M/tch's recipe last night, but with coffee instead of with cinnamon.
The cops took my brownies after I tried to tag their ears.
People, please try to imagine how disturbed you yourselves might be to have the same kind of revelation at the ripe old age of mumble, and have some sympathy.
10: I'd have more sympathy if I knew what you were talking about. Cookie Crisp?
4: I was just funning you.
Sadly, funning such a maroon wasn't nearly as fun as the tourist brochure indicated.
I was referring to two different examples of the same phenomenon: one on packages of store-bought cookies, and the other on cereal boxes.
7, I usually express this as, 'I would like an unlabeled baked good, such as a chocolate square.'
Upon seeeing this title I assumed we had gotten to "comments_10000.html".
texture-fetishists = ribbed for her pleasure?
I've recently been having similar thoughts about our president. If, that is, one defines "texture" sufficiently broadly.
15: No. It might look like that, but it's just because it was enlarged to show texture. On the secret menu. ATM. Flowbee!
at the ripe old age of mumble
At a ripe old age, you ought to be thankful for the magnification. Eyesight failing you, oldster? This is what the cereal looks like UP CLOSE.
Honestly, if I up and died right here in comments you all would be like, "Huh? I don't get it."
24: But it's ribbed for your pleasure, Bave.
But it's ribbed for your pleasure, Bave.
#12. It's much more rewarding to fun a macaroon.
27: Or mack a fun rune.
Or so the druids would have you believe.
21: Says the boy who cried "semantics".
After all these years, the muscles in my left thumb and forefinger have become hypertrophied from repeatedly hitting command-r; "clarity and sweet reason," however, remain as elusive as ever. How deep and untroubled run my reserves of credulity?
I always disliked the pictures on canned foods or TV dinners or bags of frozen vegetables that show the product in some mouthwatering, tantalizing configuration. In small print it often says "Serving Suggestion" or the like. When I prepared the food it would never look that way no matter how I tried to Serve it. Troubling.
I'm sure people here are aware that, for instance, glue is used instead of milk in food photography. There are various substitutions and treatments along those lines.
Those pictures merely suggest, "toss out this package of crap and make something better instead." A perfectly good suggestion, in most cases.
You'll get substitutions sometimes, but they aren't allowed on the special.
I have not yet received my brownie.
There are various substitutions and treatments along those lines.
The meat in Burger King commercials is raw and painted with shoe polish to look flame-broiled.
The people in many commercials are made cheerful by being paid money, rather than actually enjoying the product advertised.
36: That's an SOP, not a substitution.
38: I believe it still counts as a treatment.
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Here comes the rain. Luckily this time I made sure to close all the windows first.
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My package is enlarged to show detail. Laydeez.
I remember reading somewhere that ice cream in ad pictures is made with Crisco and food coloring.
Also, they add dish soap to coffee to make sure there are some bubbles on the surface so it looks freshly brewed.
They're tricksy, these food stylists.
glue is used instead of milk in food photography
I have heard, though possibly on dubious authority, that cream cheese is used to make the milk 'staches in the "Got Milk?" campaign.
Also, I am given to understand the that the copious quantities of ejaculate depicted in pornographic videos are not necessarily real semen. Even more shockingly, some of the bulbuous female breasts depicted in those same videos are said to be surgically altered.
I remember reading somewhere that ice cream in ad pictures is made with Crisco and food coloring.
Maybe even here.
43: Speaking of milk, I was curious about pp's opinion (assuming he has one) of the DFA after hearing this story yesterday.
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Did you think July was either extremely hot or extremely cold? Chances are you were right.
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45: I had a very low opinion of the DFA before hearing that story, and it was not improved by hearing said story.
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Holy crap, look at the gap between Bolt and everybody else. I guess it's a terribly unfortunate time to be any other sprinter in the world.
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45: I don't really have an informed opinion. Or at least my information is apparently out of date. In principle I think marketing cooperatives for dairy products are a very good thing, but that belief is premised on the members getting a fair share of the wholesale profit stream.
Ironically, I found myself talking up the US system to a French dairy farmer not terribly long ago. Alas, I probably misinformed him about the extent to which the cooperatives work to the benefit of the farmers.
Is this becoming the all-pause'n'play thread? Okay, then.
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We're getting a kitten, and the girls wanted to call it 'Jesus', but my wife persuaded them to reconsider. Grr.
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49: Apparently, bunches of elite sprinters, knowing that, for the next decade or so, they can't win at major international events, are thinking of switching to events other than the 100 or 200.
46: We traveled from coast to coast in July. It was very confusing.
51: I can see how it would be annoying for your wife to call the kitten and have you keep showing up, trying to cadge some kibble or swat at the ball of yarn.
In principle I think marketing cooperatives for dairy products are a very good thing
They are, in principle, but DFA has sold out and is actively harming dairy farmers.
46: I heard that Austin's July was the hottest on record, though it would seem Texas as a whole wasn't all that hot.
49, 52: Man, this blog has gone downhill. Okay, I'll start.
Juiced?
58: I'd bet you anything they drink orange juice.
15: Upon seeeing this title I assumed we had gotten to "comments_10000.html".
The blog's shutting down when we get there, isn't it?
Maybe he's really a woman. Check his nads!
58: The real question, if you want the blog to flower, is whether the man posing as a woman is actually a man, right? Or whether s/he just has springs attached to her/his legs, right? Anyway, on the lesser of the questions of the day, the idea that a Jamaican is using drugs, in any context, is simply impossible for me to believe.
58: they're certainly testing the hell out of him, and it doesn't seem to be producing any warning signs.
Maybe he's made of metal?
In the future, the amber-preserved Unfogged will be a source of endless anthropology papers.
51: Emmanuel, wonderful, counsellor, the mighty God, the everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace, that hippie from the wedding the other day: the alternatives suggest themselves.
the idea that a Jamaican is using drugs, in any context, is simply impossible for me to believe.
ari shows Jamaicans MAAAAXImum respect.
To find out the cat's name, all you have to do is set it on fire and ask it, dummy. Or maybe strike it with your staff.
67: I'm not sure why, but a common nickname for dudes named Jesús is Chuy (pronounced, basically, "chewy"). That could work for a kitten.
I'll bet y'all didn't know that Han Solo's shipmate was Mexican, huh?
Tecnicamente (cual palabra debe tener un acento), no se necesita el acento en "Jesus", pero por la claridad, tal vez es aceptable.
71: In hindsight it's obvious.
72: No, you should use the accent if it's the Spanish name.
46: Looks about right for NM. July was sweltering.
"Joshua" wouldn't be a bad name for a kitten.
In unrelated kitten news, snow leopards are cool.
62: if it makes you feel any better, ari, I got a lot more satisfaction out of pwning you than I did pwning Bill in 31.
74: Nunca habia visto el acento antes.
66, 70: "We took Jesus to get neutered." "Daddy, Jesus peed on my pillow." "JEEEEE-SUS!" Nowhere near as good with the Spanish pronunciation.
Stanley occupies the heebie seat in this discussion of accents.
You could name the kitten "Ogged (PBUH)".
I think that's pronounced "Oprah".
78: Es que si no se usara el acento se prenunciaría "HEY-soose".
I hope Standpipe didn't up and die.
Upping and dying is bad for one's texture.
Downing and dying, on the other hand, is great for the texture.
83: A pasar de eso (que sabia) nunca lo habia visto antes.
86: And, um, you think that's dispositive?
Presumably, since everyone who speaks Spanish knows how to pronounce the name "Jesús," it's not necessarily always written with the accent in a Spanish context. In an English context, however, where it could easily be confused with the English name "Jesus," the accent would be necessary.
Maybe it's because most of the hispanics in America drop the accent.
The more I think about it, the more I think it's time for a father-daughter chat. Sweeties, why do you think mama doesn't like Jesus? If I can't work this situation in order to get my way, I'm an utter failure as a parent.
89: They do? How have you established that?
Anecdatum: my first car insurance agent was a Filipino guy named Jesus, without the accent.
93: There sure are a lot of Jesi in your life, Jesus.
I have wondered how James Jesus Angleton pronounced it. Presumably the Spanish way, but who knows?
92: On thinking about it, what's probably more relevant to my experience is how other people spelled the name.
Lots of Spanish speakers drop accents all the time, so I wouldn't be surprised if PA has seen many instances of "Jesus". Heck, probably "Ramon", too, even though that name properly spelled normally has an accent.
[on preview, paranwnd andrwnd, more or less]
95: His mother was Mexican, so probably. His parents met in Mexico while his father, James Hugh Angleton, was a cavalry officer serving under General John Pershing.
71: Han Solo's shipmate was Mexican
Freddy Mercury was Hans Solo's shipmate?
A friend of a friend of mine is named Jose (sans accent), and pronounces it accordingly. I find that odd.
100: Like "hose"? "Joes"? (You probably mean "Ho'-say".)
You probably mean "Ho'-say"
Right. The way the rules of Spanish pronunciation would have you pronounce Jose.
100: That is odd. What nationality is Sans Accent?
66: King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Conquering Lion of the Tribe of Judah; Elect of God, Mighty God, Earth's Rightful Ruler.
66: King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Conquering Lion of the Tribe of Judah; Elect of God, Mighty God, Earth's Rightful Ruler.
Which leads to the suggestion, "Kitty of God", or "Kog".
re: 64
A lot of the pundits seem to be saying he's the first guy that tall to really get together sprinting technique that works with that sort of length of limb. Previous conventional wisdom was that you just didn't get 6ft 5 hundred metre runners.
From the link in 76, baby pythons are unexpectedly entrancing. (Note: Do not mix with adorable snow leopard kittens.)
112: This is my favorite flickr set ever.
Er. Really I meant to link to this, the group, rather than the set.
The OP still teases me.
How deep and untroubled run my reserves of credulity?
Not very?
So the idea is that you were convinced that the pictures of cookies on packages of cookies had been enlarged to show texture, and suddenly you realize they aren't (these cookies just have texture, all by themselves). You'd thought the pictures on cereal boxes hadn't been enlarged to show texture, yet they are.
Standpipe, goddammit, this makes no sense! It depends a lot on the cereal and on the cookie (I don't eat packaged cookies enough to stare at the package, so this is not in my purview, but then I'm not a photographer).
Anyway, I thought you were a vegetarian-type healthy eater. Why are you eating Pepperidge Farm or whatever it is?
Also, it's not like we're talking about English muffins here with respect to texture. It haz the nooks'n'crannies, to hold the melted butter!
Why avoid the obvious conclusion? Packaged food is death. Also, Brad Penny is death.
Pepperidge Farm doesn'tcontain meat.
116: We are not saying that to Standpipe. I dunno about this Brad Penny.
118: Well, I figured I didn't have it. Hence my tone.
I did not know until a moment ago that Pepperidge Farm is named after (a farm which is named after) Nyssa sylvatica, the tree also known as black tupelo and blackgum. It (the tree) has terrific fall foliage.
Enlarged to show texture: what counselor Joe insisted when I asked how come, then he said, texture isn't for seeing, rather, for feeling. But you can see it. Yes, boy, but it's for feeling.
To find out the cat's name, all you have to do is set it on fire and ask it, dummy. Or maybe strike it with your staff.
it's true: never struck a kitty with me staff without which name was given.
