"As a matter of common sense and self-defense, [we] will act against such emerging threats before they are fully formed." Bush or Palpatine?

We're all being smirked at, justifiably, over the boob flap. My translation of this story in Monday's Libération:

Janet Jackson
The appearance of her right breast during the traditional Superbowl halftime show rocks Puritan America.

The right breast of the sister of Michael has thrown the United States into turmoil. At the halftime of Sunday's football championship game, she was disrobed before hundreds of millions of television viewers -- at least 400 [million], the Superbowl being broadcast for the first time in China. Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake were singing "Rock Your Body," and at the line, "I will disrobe you here at the end of the song," the boyfriend of Cameron Diaz threw open his partner's red and black leather bustier, revealing the breast, which was ornamented with a glittery jewel. The television network CBS, which was broadcasting the match between the New England Patriots and the Carolina Panthers, which was eventually won by the Bostonian team (32 to 29) quickly cut the scene.

Too late. Outraged critics have cried obscenity, and the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) has launched an inquiry into the "classless, vulgar, and deplorable" number. MTV, which organized the show, gushed apologies, speaking of the "completely accidental" incident. CBS also "regrets profoundly" the incident, after being deluged with complaints. The NFL (the National Football League), "extremely disappointed by elements of the show," has let it be known that the halftime show during the next Superbowl will not be trusted to MTV.

Justin Timberlake said that he is sorry for having offended anyone with the "wardrobe incident." As for Janet, who releases an album in March, she apologized Monday in primetime: "I never intended to go so far. I offer my apologies to anyone who was offended." Intentional or not intentional?

(I love how they say which breast by the third word, but not her name until the third sentence.)

I'm not actually back, but I do have a minute, and this is one for the ages.

Mikhail Gorbachev was once asked how — in one word — he would sum up the Soviet economy. "Good," he said. Then he was asked how — in two words — he would sum up the Soviet economy: "Not good," he said.

Brilliant. And now I wonder how much Jewish humor has in common with Russian humor, of which I was previously unaware.

As a public service to the unlucky football-dislikers and football-ambivalents out there who can't make it to today's Anti-Superbowl Punk-Rawk Party in Brooklyn, Unfogged (actually, just me, Bob, as I'm sure Unf and Ogged have been gearing up for this clash of the titans all month) presents this quick and easy guide to Superbowl alternatives on the major televison networks.

You like sports. False: A. True: B.

A. But you still like testosterone-fueled smashing up of stuff: Independence Day on FOX.

A. You think violence just can't compete with good dinner parties for solving the world's problems: Notting Hill on ABC

B. You prefer sports that are not so overhyped and overfed: the 2004 State Farm Figure Skating Championship on ESPN.

B. You like overhyped and you think overfed doesn't have to look so bulky: the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy marathon on NBC.