Jesus Christ that's depressing...
Wow. Whatever helping a hurting family, I suppose, but I can't help thinking what happens when dad comes back injured or maimed or shellshocked and isn't smiling and brave like Flat Daddy.
And, less seriously, how many cranky elementary schoolers are going to yell that they liked Flat Daddy better.
how many cranky elementary schoolers are going to yell that they liked Flat Daddy better.
Oh christ, I can so imagine that.
2: flat daddy's limbs are pre-scored so you can snap them off easily, to cushion the blow.
You know, if every one of those lousy warbloggers had to go through this, it might not make that much difference, but at least they might be able to look their victims in the face.
Why are we so stupid and greedy and fearful? War itself is the atrocity, as every orphan and widowed spouse knows. I really hate the fascists.
2, 4: I made it really clear that I wasn't having kids while Mr. B. was still in the service after watching toddlers run up to the wrong pair of flightsuited legs one too many times.
That must be heartbreaking for the dads and moms.
That's an amazing story on multiple levels. Brave brave kids and the author is no slouch as a writer.
What most people don't realize is that this sort of separation experienced by military families has been going on since WWII. It is just that because of the current war, and the sort of "home front" coverage that readers of Unfogged are made aware.
I'm going to guess that none of us were surprised that military families endure long separations.
WW II? Or, you know, the Odyssey.
I don't think anyone who gives it a moment's thought thinks that soldiers being separated from their families is a new problem. It's a real one, though.
Calapwned.
Sorry to snap at you, TLL -- you just set off my "Poor silly liberals, so out of touch with our beloved military that they expose their ignorance even when they attempt to feign sympathy," radar. But I'm sure that's not what you meant.
Is it just me or is this the first Modern Love in months where it felt like the author's voice really came through? It seemed like the only one in recent memory that hadn't been rewritten and edited to adhere to a prescribed "Modern Love Tone".
I thought I'd read that more servicemembers have left children behind during this war than had been common before, what with all the Reserve personnel.
LB, I started down that path and realized that it would be a cheap shot at best, and mostly not accurate. No worries. But I do find it tiresome to read about people who have inherently dangerous jobs being worried about by their families. I mean, no shit Daddy might not come home, he's a fighter pilot for Christ sake. He is more likely to crash in training than be shot down by the Shiite militia. But the kids certainly don't deserve that, they only know Daddy's gone, and it is not a three day business trip to Seattle.
I think that's right. It didn't make the author sound like a blithering idiot (aka "prescribed Modern Love Tone.")
17: I'm not getting 'tiresome' -- it's a lousy, sucky way to raise a family. We sympathize with kids who are separated from their parents, and parents separated from their kids, particularly when there's a real risk that the parents may be injured or killed before they get home. What's tiresome about caring about that?
19. They have chosen to lead this life. Dad is a fighter pilot in the Navy. Even if there were no war, he would be on board a ship for much of his career doing very dangerous work. I have alot of sympathy for the kids, they didn't choose that life. The wife did. She may have been naive, or misinformed, and I know what she is doing is very difficult, but what did she expect? Maybe I am just cranky this morning. Or maybe I feel manipulated by her better than usual prose.
17: There's dangerous jobs--which are awful--and then there are jobs where you're apart from your family for months at a time and then die violently. I don't think it's the danger; it's the combination of absence and possibly not-returning. Add to that the "hero" crap--which when Mr. B. was away always pissed me off, because it short-circuits any attempts to actually talk about the experience--and it's a really hard place to be in. Probably the only comparable experience is having a parent be an illegal migrant worker or something.
When did we stop sympathizing with people because they knew what they were getting into? If you knew what you were getting into and it was a stupid thing to do that you shouldn't have done, sure, no sympathy, you got what you deserved. But if the situation you got yourself into with full knowledge of how it would play out isn't one that reflects poorly on you, it seems peculiar not to sympathize and be concerned.
If we're not telling people in the military and their loved ones "Screw you, asshole, if you were going to whine about life being hard you should have had more sense than to join up" (and we're not saying that, are we? I'm not, anyway) then feeling for their hardships seems like the least we can do.
20: I did it, and it fucking sucked ass. And I didn't choose it, either. I chose to marry the man I loved, who happened to be in the AF. *He* chose that life, and I supported his right to do so, but that isn't the same as saying I chose it my own damn self.
22. That's me, not supporting the troops. Oh well. And yes, Dr. B, I think it is the not coming home part that is the hardest to come to grips with. Even with infantry, death in combat is random, not necessarily because you screwed up.
23. We actually had some classes at Basic School (for Marine officers) about understanding what the "military wife" goes through. The movie "We Were Soldiers" is the only one I know of that attempts to depict their life, even in passing. I do know that it was somewhat easier for my wife when I was overseas because we did not any kids and she was getting her Masters, so she was busy and had her own support group.
24: Oh, I didn't mean to give you a hard time about 'not supporting the troops'. I'm just not getting your reasoning, and I've seen similar comments enough places that it popped out for me. (I could see someone not wanting to complain on their own behalf about a situation they'd gotten themselves into, however commendably. But carping at someone who does, and particularly at their family, seems really harsh.)
25: Yeah, being in school and not having kids does make it a lot easier, and in a lot of ways I liked the time alone. But being apart during wartime has its own special level of anxiety and frustration--and Mr. B.'s job wasn't a particularly risky one.
What seems to be new since the advent of the volunteer army is a profoundly adversarial attitude on the part of people in the military toward the larger society. "They don't understand." When we do try to express sympathy, it seems as if it's thrown back in our faces, or treated with deep suspicion and scorn.
28: I dunno, how much of that comes from people in the military as opposed to people not currently in the military being suspicious and scornful on their behalf?
28: Don't think that's the volunteer army per se so much as it is lingering post-Vietnam backlash. It *is* true that a lot of young liberals really do argue, publicly, that soldiers are inherently immoral. And, as LB points out, this kind of silliness is fanned by right-wing lip service.
lingering post-Vietnam backlash
When I reflect on just how badly the Vietnam War is STILL fucking up this country, thirty years after its end, I get twice as pissed off about Iraq. And the tin foil part of my brain starts to think that maybe that's all part of the plan.
29: Ok, but then what's that about?
30: I'm sure that's real; I haven't encountered it lately but during the Vietnam era I did.
32.2: In college, I went to a meeting of some lefty group in which, when I argued that simply not having an army was really not an option, I was asked (rhetorically) if thinking war was inevitable didn't mean that I was tacitly lending support to war-mongering. And I can't tell you how many people have expressed surprise that I'd marry a military guy in terms that made it pretty clear they thought this meant I was pro-war.
28: It's the same with cops, and the (now getting) old Vietnam vets, and so on. To some extent it's true, if you haven't been there you can't understand, but it's also false, in that lots of people have experiences that are similar enough so empathy is possible.
IMX it's sometimes difficult to know when "You can't understand" is real and when it's some sort of grandiosity; "My suffering is unique, deeper, harder to bear, I'm so wonderful to be coping even this well..."
It's probably always real on some level --regardless of the profession, there are going to be all sorts of things that can't be easily communicated about the experience. No one who hasn't worked as a BigLaw associate really understands what I go through, for example: it's just that in my case there's no real reason for anyone to care, as the suffering of BigLaw associates isn't an important social problem.
When it justifies hostility toward someone offering well-meant sympathy is a more difficult question.
35. I think a small part of the hostility is mistrust, based on perceived past actions ( and current actions of a sub-set). Distrust of the "Other", even when the actions are well intentioned.
36: If that's a small part, what's the big part?
37. If I knew, I wouldn't be commenting anonymously on a blog, I'd be earning big bucks on a campaign.